Saving Her Lost Soul

Chapter 27

Bags are packed and loaded into the car. Dad had ordered a replacement for Tyler so he doesn't need to drive mine. Dad went over the top with our safety. BMW X5 beach blue 4 x 4 type vehicle. It's stylish to show off to his friends but also the safety states are better than his old car. Mom pulls me into a tight embrace and I try push her off me but she keeps the grip. "I'll miss you honey."
"Me too, Mom." I mumble and she releases me. Dad hugs me too, it's hard to say goodbye to them seeing as I've just got them back. Mom hugs both Tyler and Flynn. I love that they have truly accepted Flynn into the family even knowing what he is to me. Dad releases me and I slide into the back of the car.
Flynn oddly climbs in the back with me. He normally rides shotgun. Tyler starts the car and messes with the radio controls. He connects it to his phone to play music. "Ready?" he looks at us in the rear view mirror. I shake my head but he gives me an encouraging smile anyway. "It will be fine, sis. I'm glad you are riding with us back to Duke and not finding your own way."
I laugh, "The truck driver probably doesn't feel the same," Flynn places his hand on my thigh and grips my leg a bit too hard. I roll my eyes, "Not funny? Okay," I shrug. I place my seatbelt on and I look out the window of the car. I feel slightly better that it's blue skies today. Not warm though, it's still pretty chilly but at least it's dry. Tyler sets off and we wave to my parents who are still waiting for us to be on our way.
"Where we eating for lunch?" Tyler asks. "Drive thru only but you better not get my car dirty." I roll my eyes.
"Anywhere bro, mcDonalds, KFC, burger king."
"Not McDonalds, she doesn't like it." Flynn looks at me and raises his eyebrow.
"You don't like it? You're the only one I know who doesn't like it." I shrug.
"Sorry to disappoint, I want a KFC Ty. Pwease," I give him my puppy dog eyes in the rearview mirror and he laughs at me.
"Sure, whatever you want." I smile and shift my body so I'm leaning against Flynn's chest and shoulder. I grab his hand and start drawing on his palm. I don't draw anything of importance, I just like to feel his soft skin under my fingers.
We all talk as we head to Duke. It's not as bad as I was expecting it to be. I mean I'm still terrified and I can feel my frantic heart but I can still joke and laugh with my favourite people. Tyler pulls up at the drive thru an hour later. I unclip my seatbelt and squeeze my head through the gap of the door and head rest. "What can I get you?" the lady asks.
Flynn slaps my ass that's most likely in his face. "Erm, Large fillet tower box meal with beans and Pepsi. Mash, popcorn chicken, malteaser krushem. I think that's it." I smile and sit back down.
"I'd like to say that's for all of us but that's just for my sister. I'll have the trilogy box meal with a 7up. Flynn?"
"I'll have the zinger box meal with a pepsi," he says loud enough for the woman to hear. Tyler hands over the card to scan it.
"That's all done, please make your way to the next window." Tyler does as instructed but there's a queue so we have to wait. Once we get our food Tyler pulls up in a parking space. He turns around so his back is against the steering wheel and he's sat crossed legged looking at us. I move to the seat by the door so I can put my sides in the middle.
I tip the chips in the top lip of the burger box and pour the beans over the chips. I eat the mash first cramming it into my mouth. I use my finger to scoop the access mash from the tub. I repeat the process but this time I offer my finger to Flynn and he eagarly accepts keeping eye contact with me. I withdraw my finger from his mouth and continue cramming food in my mouth.
I add the popcorn chicken to the chips and beans making sure they go soft in the bean juice. "Dog or cat?" Tyler asks whilst he's eating.
"Dog," I mumble.
"Dog," Flynn agrees.
"Damn, cat for me. Dogs are too noisy."
"Summer or winter," Flynn asks.
"Summer," I say with my mouthful.
"Summer," Tyler agrees.
"Winter for me." Flynn says. I don't understand why anyone would choose the cold over the sun.
"Pool or beach," I ask. Why did we start playing this game again? I guess it does help me get to know Flynn better.
"Beach," they both say in unison. Ew, I hate the beach but I wouldn't object going.
"I guess we wouldn't be in the same place then, pool." I shrug. I cram the burger in my mouth.
"Text or phone call?" Tyler asks.
"Phone call," Flynn says.
"Text," I shrug. I'm not a people person. I'd rather send a text rather than have to talk to someone.
"Me too, text." Tyler says.
"Piercings or tattoos," Flynn asks.
"Tattoos," Tyler says.
I blush, "I couldn't say, I like them both equally." My face reddens as I think of Flynn's tongue piercing on my body.
"Same," Flynn says. He doesn't have a tattoo so I'm surprised by his answer.
"Day or night?" I ask. I used to say day as the night has always been lonely and too long. The darkness always used to surround me. The silence was deafening until my screams filled it. Now the nightime has become my favourite time because it's mine and Flynn's safe haven.
"Day," Tyler responds.
"Night," Flynn says.
"Used to be day and now it's night." I admit. I used to dread the night but now it couldn't come quick enough.
"Cardio or weights?" Tyler asks. It's lucky we are all quite athletic, I workout alone all the time although I haven't done it since I've been at home and Tyler and his friends are always working out in the gym.
"Weights," Flynn says.
"I favour neither, I need them both. I couldn't drop one or the other."
"Weights," Tyler says.
"Long or short hair?" Flynn asks. Well it's entirely different in both contexts. It means something different to me than it does them.
"Short," Tyler says. Is he talking about himself or on girls? I have no idea.
"Long," I say because it works both ways, I like longer hair on guys and longer hair on myself.
"Long," Flynn says.
"Car, truck or motorbike?" I added a extra answer but I don't care if I'm breaking the rules. I finish my food and shove the rubbish in the bag that Tyler left in the middle of the car accessible for all. I sip on my milkshake.
"Car," Tyler says. I already knew that. He's obsessed with cars.
"Motorbike," Flynn says. He said before he likes fixing cars but he never mentioned he likes motorbikes.
"Truck, country girl wanna be." I shrug. I'd much rather live out in the middle of no where with nothing but land surrounding me. Maybe some horses. I love cowboy films. Tyler finishes eating too and places his rubbish in the bag. He turns around and clips himself in.
Flynn does the same and I slide back into the middle seat and clip my belt in. I rest my legs over one of his leg. The song Tell me you love me by Demi Lovato starts playing. The lyrics cut deep inside me. I don't know who I am without you means the most to me. I don't know who I am without Flynn anymore. His hand folds around mine on my lap. I look into his eyes looking for something but we both stay silent listening to the song.
When we pull up outside the frat house Flynn climbs out the car and holds his hand out to me. I take it and he helps me out the car. We grab our bags out the boot. Tyler leads the way into the house and I see Jesse and he jogs towards us and scoops me up into his arms and I have to let go of Flynn's hand. "Gah, I've missed you Blake."
He puts me down and I see Flynn glaring. Flynn holds his hand out to me and I take it. He pulls me to his side and he kisses my forehead, "Too slow mate, or not good enough. She's mine," Flynn growls.
"Yours? As in you're together?" Tyler rolls his eyes and leaves us in the main living room. Jesse looks horrified and hurt all in one.
"Yeah, so keep your hands to yourself. You got it?" Jesse swallows and retreats, Flynn drags me up the stairs I grab my key and open my door. I shove my bag on the bed. Flynn takes out my pill box and places it on drawers. My stomach drops.
He faces me and I don't like the look on his face. I shake my head like I know what he's going to say, "I'm sorry Ri."
"No, don't say it." Why is he doing this now? After everything? He promised me, what's changed? I don't understand. "Is it Tyler? If it is then he will come around."
"It's not Tyler, it's me. I just don't want this anymore. The accident made me realise what I truly want and that's Regan." I step back like he's punched me. I'd rather he had, I know I could take that. Tears fall down my face.
"I don't believe you. Everything you said. . ." I trail off. This can't be happening. I feel like he's ripping himself from my body. I can't breathe, why is he doing this to me? I can't look at him. I turn my back on him, hiding my pain.
"I lied, I was just enjoying what I had in front of me. It was fun what we had, I just. . . it's Regan."
"You said she was a cover," I whisper.
"I lied, Regan is nice. She's not broken, I can't fix someone when I'm fucked up myself." He's hitting below the belt. I grab another book from my bedside table and I lob it at him. The book bounces noisily off the door and lands with a thud on the floor.
"Get out!" I scream. How could I be so stupid? I let him in, I let him see how vulnerable I was and now he's leaving me worse off. He comes towards me and I stay still. He kisses my forehead lingering his warm burning lips and then he leaves the room.
I lock the door and I drop to the floor and sob into my hands. He broke me more than I thought possible. I look at his bracelet and my thumb and finger rest on the clasp. I want to rip it off but I can't bring myself to do it. Everything hurts and I can't breathe. Why did I let him in? Now I can't get rid of him inside of me. He will always be a part of me whether I like it or not.
He's buried at the core of my being. He will always course through my veins until the day I die. I know I will always love him no matter how much he hurts me. I told him I didn't believe him but in my eyes it's easily believed. Him loving me doesn't make any sense to me. I'm not lovable, James never loved me. He loved the idea of me not the real me. He loved my parent's wealth, their status in the world.
I'm once again the rich daughter who can be easily manipulated. My parents love him like they loved James and once again they love him because of me. I let them love him, they love him because I love him. I must have 'Mug' written on my forehead.
"Sis?" Tyler calls through the door. I can't control my crying and he will easily be able to hear me through the door. "Please come out, don't cry." I don't respond, I don't know how. "I'm going to stay here with you."
My crying turns into hysterics. The pain hurts too much. I can feel Tyler with me but he stays quiet. I can't let him in but I know he's sitting the other side of the door. I vow to myself from this day forward that I won't let anyone in. I don't know if I'll be able to block out my feelings anymore like I had before Flynn but I won't let anyone in anymore.
The pain is slicing me apart. I cry for hours and hours. The dark night takes over, the moon shines through the window. I need a drink, "Just like I have faith you'll stay sober," Flynn's words rattle my body. It shouldn't matter to me what Flynn thinks but the overwhelming urge to keep his words true is stronger than the drink right now.
Days pass with the continuous pain and wet tears. Nightmares come and go when my body relaxes enough to sleep but only a couple of hours at a time. Time has no meaning in this small claustrophobic space. Memories are strong in here but this is the only private space I have. I grab my phone and press call.
"Princess? You okay?" My sobs echo through the phone and I hear his breathing change and a gasp escapes his throat.
"Daddy, I can't do this anymore." I don't know what I mean by that but I know I can't carry on doing this anymore. The constant crying hurts my throat and my eyes are so sore.
"Do what, Lee? What's wrong? Do you want to come home? You don't have to be at college if you don't want to. We should have never sent you there in the first place, you're scarying me."
"I don't want to be here anymore but I can't go home." My voice is shaky and I know I don't make much sense but I don't know what I mean myself.
"What do you need me to do Riley? I'll do anything, why are you crying?" I don't know! I don't know what I need.
"Do you ever wonder what it would be like if I had died instead of him? Things would be so much easier. You'd all be none the wiser, I wouldn't hurt you all the time." I am the biggest fuck up not Flynn.
"No. Don't ever say that Riley! You are my daughter and I love you so much. Nothing you can do will make us love you any less. We would be nothing without you. I thank the lord that you pulled through that day and that you were only mildly hurt the other day."
"I hurt Daddy, more than ever. Every atom of my being hurts. It really hurts!" I cry. How can I get him to understand? "I can't be here. I can't be in this suffocating room."
"What do you want Riley? Your own place? I'll call the agency right now and get you an apartment close to Duke if that's what you want. Tell me what you need Riley."
"You'd get me my own apartment? Why?" They may be rich but my own place? This surprises me.
"Of course, you're nineteen now. You look after yourself anyway, you're independent. It sounds like you need a fresh start and I want to do that for you. I got Tyler a car, please let me do this for you."
"Okay, Daddy," he sighs with relief.
"Okay, I'll contact you as soon as I find something suitable."
"Please don't tell Tyler or Flynn. Not yet," I beg.
"Okay, I'll send you some emails of what furniture you'd like. I want this to be your home. I want it to be exactly how you want it."
"Thank you, Daddy." I hang up and place my phone on charge as it's started beeping at me. I check the time and it's midday. I leave the room and head upstairs. I move quietly to avoid any human interaction. I place my ear to Flynn's door but I hear nothing. I knock on the door but there's no reply. I try opening the door and it's unlocked.
I grab a dirty hoodie from the floor and bring it to my nose. I'm probably being a stalker ex girlfriend by I don't care. I pull the hoodie over my head and shrug it on. I bring the hood up hiding my face. I lay on his unmade bed and hug his pillow. His scent overwhelms me making me sleepy. I feel so safe here but I can't stay. I'm already being too risky.
I stand up and look at his pillow. I snatch it and bring it with me. I check the hallway before I leave. It's clear so I head back downstairs. I see no one on my travels and I imagine they are all in class. I make a quick bathroom stop before I lock myself away in my room.
The next couple of days pass by in a blur. I've responded to Dad's emails on what I want for the apartment when he finds one. Tears are a constant flow all day every day, my cheeks are always wet when I wake too. This is my own personal nightmare when I'm awake. Sometimes it's a blessing when I'm asleep. My phone rings and I grab it, it's Dad. "Daddy?"
"I've found an apartment, I'm on my way to Duke with Mom. Shall I pick you up at the frat house? If you like the apartment then I'll sign the paperwork there and then for you," the tears continue to fall but I feel a sense of relief. "Are you crying again, princess? What is going on?"
"I haven't stopped crying," I admit. "Yeah, that's fine. How long will you be?"
"Half an hour?"
"What time is it now?"
"3pm."
"Can you hurry? I don't want them to see me," it's going to be cutting it close. They will be leaving classes around that time if they hadn't finished sooner.
"Sure, honey. I'll text you when we are outside. We love you," I hang up the phone. I don't bother making myself presentable. I lift the hood up to hide my face again. I pick up my bag that I took to my parents. If I am allowed the apartment there and then I won't need to go back to the frat house. I grab my charger from the wall. I run to the bathroom and grab my strawberry wash bits. I need them. I shove Flynn's pillow in my bag. I wait nervously for the text message. I'm anxious about leaving this room. I may run into a human.
My phone buzzes and I find my key. I unlock the door and look out. Coast is clear, I lock the door behind me being quiet as a mouse walking down the stairs. I notice people in the living room but I keep walking hiding my face. I hear Flynn's voice in the kitchen and I freeze. "I'm telling ya man. My hoodie has disappeared along with my pillow. Who the hell would do that?"
"Are you sure Regan didn't take it?" Tyler asks.
"No, I asked her. It's just vanished." Flynn says confused. I dash across the doorway trying not to be noticed. "Riley?" Oh heck.
I start running out of the frat house. "Riley!" Tyler calls. How did they know it was me? I run until I see Dad's car. I slide in the back and shut the door.
"Drive!" I beg. They both look at Flynn and Tyler running towards the car but Dad pulls away in a hurry like I asked.
"Honey, what is going on?" Mom asks.
"Don't," I beg. My voice breaks, it won't hold steady. We drive for five minutes or so until Dad pulls up in a car park. I get out the car pulling the hood over my face even more. I slump the bag over my shoulder. Mom slides her hand over my cheek.
"Honey, what happened to you?" I shake my head but I'm unable to push her away. I crave her contact. I hug her and she pulls me close to her. Dad hugs me from behind.
"He left me, it was all a lie." Mom pulls away looking into my eyes confused.
"What was a lie, Lee Lee?"
"Everything. He said that the accident put things in perspective for him. He doesn't want me, he wants Regan the stupid redhead. I was just there. . ."
"I don't believe that. He loves you," I shake my head.
"No, he doesn't. He said he can't be with someone that's fucked up because he's already fucked up." Well he didn't say those exact words but he implied it. He may as well said it.
"I'm going to kill him," Dad growls releasing me.
"No!" I beg. "I still love him, Daddy." I hold his hand and Mom's and pull them towards the building.
"Fine, let's go," he mutters. Dad pulls his phone out of his pocket, "It's Tyler, he must have seen my car."
"Don't answer it, please. Not until you've gone home at least." He nods and we walk into the building. He presses floor two in the elevator. There's four floors it says. We step out and walk down the hallway and it's the door at the end facing the elevator number 19. Dad knocks on the door and squeezes my hand.
A middle aged man opens the door and invites us in. "Mr Blake, welcome." They shake hands. "All the furniture you requested has been added. Should you so wish it can be located to a different property if not suitable. I look around, in front of the left wall is a table and chairs. To the right of the table is a kitchen. White tops and black cupboard doors. In front of the kitchen is a large U shaped grey sofa facing the wall directly opposite the door.
A sixty inch wall mounted flatscreen. I didn't ask for that! On the right are three doors. I make my way to the nearest door on the right. I open it and flick the light on. It's a small double bedroom. I leave the room and walk to the door in the middle, as I expected it's the bathroom. Walk in shower, large bath with jets and a toilet and sink.
At least it has a bath, I prefer baths. I leave the bathroom and head to the last door. I notice the kingsize bed in the middle of the room. Built in wardrobe to the left of the door. It's simple yet, perfect. I walk out the bedroom, I registered the doors in both bedrooms that would lead to the bathroom. Not sure why Dad is showing me a two bedroom apartment but I like it.
I join them at the table whilst they are going through paperwork. "What do you think Lee Lee?"
"I love it," Like I say it's simple but exactly what I would choose if I were looking myself. It makes it even more homely with the furniture I chose too.
"In that case I'll sign the paperwork." He turns back to the realtor, "You'll find everything in order as I said. I'm a lawyer, we agreed to an instant exhange of keys. I'll send the money over tonight."
"You're paying in full? No mortgage?"
"No, I don't need a morgage. We had an agreement, is the buyer still happy with the terms?"
"Yes, of course. They want a quick sale too, if you can sign this document, I'll hand over the keys." I leave them at the table and sit on the couch. It's as comfy as it looks, I curl up waiting for them the finish.
It's another twenty minutes or so until I hear the front door open and close. "Well, it's all yours princess." He shakes the keys in front of him when I look back at him.
"Let's take you shopping, clothes, food, essential items." Mom says. I nod and get off the couch, we leave the apartment and make our way to the supermarket.