Saving Her Lost Soul

Chapter 13

I enter the cafe on the edge of the park and I head to the toilet, lock the door and I fall to the floor. My eyes sting like they should be watering with tears but in reality, they're dry. Why can't I cry anymore? I feel so much more these days and I don't know how to deal with these feelings. Instead, I breathe heavily trying to cope with this.
"Ri, please open the door," Flynn calls. He shouldn't need to come running every time I can't deal with a given situation. I don't fight him as I know I need him, I know I want him. I reach up and unlock the door. His eyes scan the room and he frowns when he looks down at me curled up against the wall.
He locks the door behind him and he sits next to me and pulls me into his body, "What did that fucker say to you?" My body continues to heave air into my lungs.
"Nothing really."
"Tell me, Ri."
"He just said he'd rather me beat his ass in his bedroom. I used to revel in that sort of attention. I hate that I can't touch you in public. I smell like him now and I don't like it. I never had any emotions and now I feel regret for sleeping with all of them. I don't want them to touch me but guys take what they want from me," he begins to rock me when my voice breaks.
"Come here, baby." He releases me and he pulls me between his legs and he wraps around me whilst I rest my face in his neck. "Fucking pricks touching what's mine and I could do fuck all about it. I was really trying to reign in my temper for Tyler. I wanted to beat the shit out of all of them."
"I don't want to be broken like this anymore, Flynn. I want to be normal, I want to be a normal teenager. I shouldn't need to rely on you to keep me sober."
"Don't be normal Ri, just be yourself. Be who you want to be." I nuzzle my nose in his neck and he growls. "Come, Tyler will be wondering where we are."
"Wait," I move my body so I'm straddling him and my knees are on the cold floor either side his legs. His hands push my hair from my face and I love it how he tries to focus on every little detail of my face. "I need you to kiss me. Plea--" I beg but his lips are already claiming mine again.
Our kiss is demanding, hands touching each others faces, holding each other in place. I place one hand on his chest and I can feel his heart beating rapidly matching mine and I grin into his mouth. This is real, the way I make his heart accelerate. I can't deny this, if he didn't love me his heart wouldn't do this. The heart doesn't lie, people lie. I pull away breathless and he pants through his parted lips. He's so fucking beautiful like this. I could look at him all day watching the air leave his parted lips.
He holds my hips and lifts me off his lap to my feet. I hold my hand out to him and he lets me help him up. He unlocks the door and peers around the corner and then ushers me out. I head for the doors but I'm stopped in my tracks when Tyler and his friends are walking this way. Tyler is now carefree joking with around with his friends.
Tyler enters the cafe and looks at me, "There you are, we figured we'd eat here."
"You want to eat with your friends?"
"That's what I said wasn't it?" I groan. I can't even leave because it's too far from home. Tyler leads the way to a booth that's big enough to fit us all in. Tyler slides in and pats the space next to him for me to join him. I mutter under my breath and Tyler glances at Flynn like he's giving him a silent command. Flynn slides in next to me and I now understand. Tyler's still not comfortable with me around his friends and I'm secretly grateful. I'm trapped in the booth though should I so wish to escape.
His friends pile in around us and I feel the tension in the air. Flynn places his hand on my knee and it settles my nerves. Fuck, I've turned it to a scared little girl not the I-don't-give-a-shit girl. After a few minutes of silence the waitress comes over, "What can I get you all?" She starts with the person on the left of the table that happens to be Ezra. I don't even register their responses. "Miss, what can I get you?" She asks when I'm obviously not paying attention.
"A pepsi," I shrug.
"What food are you having?" She asks.
"I'm not having any."
"Sis, why aren't you eating?"
"I told you I don't do this shit. I don't eat with others but you don't listen." I try to keep my voice down to avoid attention.
"I thought you got over that, you eat around Flynn." Flynn's different, I can do a lot with Flynn that I can't with others.
"I don't just get over being a freak. I'm not even hungry anyway, Tyler. Just order your damn food." He doesn't push me further and he orders his food. I'm improving I'd say, I didn't flip out and I'm still here. I've never stayed whilst they eat before. His friends talk around us once the waitress has everyone's order.
I can feel Flynn stewing next to me but he knows he can't say anything. He just continues to stroke my knee with his thumb, it's so distracting that it melts away my anger. I don't know if he does it to calm me or it's just a way to touch me but I don't care. I like his hand on me in public, I know he's claiming me secretly. "You going to the fair tonight, Riley?" Mason asks.
"Yeah, my parents are asking for my presence." I roll my eyes.
"Cool, I'll find you," he winks at me and I tense. Why does this creep me out? I used to love it when I was drunk. I'd literally jump his bones right here right now. Everything has changed since Flynn, he's changing me or atleast showing me the light back to who I was before I was broken. I hated associating myself with my old self because she was weak but now I'm accepting her.
She could love, hang out with friends without any problems. She could feel things so easily like it was second nature to her. She would show affection towards her family. Hugging and kissing family on the cheek when greeting and saying goodbye. To say 'I love you' without it getting stuck in her throat. She knows how to love, she can openly talk about love.
On the other hand she's so naive, so trusting when she shouldn't. She got herself into that mess and I have to pick up the pieces for her mistakes. If she didn't love too deeply I wouldn't be sat here with my stomach churning. Half feeling sick and half actually hungry. I sip on my drink when it arrives. It's not so skanky anymore now that I've been sober for a while but it certainly would taste better.
The waitress brings their food and I sit and watch them tuck into their food. My stomach growls and I feel Flynn burning me with his eyes. I sip on my drink again and I look up at him. He picks up a chip and holds it to my lip and I bite into it and he pushes the other half in my mouth and I laugh. He smirks at me and goes back to his food. "Is this your boyfriend, Riley?" Connor glares and Tyler chokes on his food.
"No, I don't date Connor. You know that, the amount of times you begged me to be when I was underneath you." He blushes and continues to eat his food.
"Gross, he's my best mate. He's more like her brother," Tyler groans. What would Tyler do if he found out about us? I continue to chew the chip whilst the awkwardness grows. Flynn shoves two chips in my mouth and I struggle to chew them as usual. They burn my mouth but that seems fitting coming from Flynn. I sip my drink again to dull the burn.
We hang out with his friends for a few more hours until Tyler claims we need to go home. I don't know if Tyler said something to them when I fled the scene but they have backed off slightly. I sit in the back of the car holding Flynn's hand again through the gap.
"I want you to stay away from Mrs Webber tonight Riley, do you understand?" I roll my eyes at him in the mirror and he glares at me. "I mean it Riley and Brad, say it Riley," he growls.
"Fuck, fine. Calm it Tyler, you do know that Brad has fucked me too right?"
"What?" he pulls up into our drive. "He always says he hates you."
"Yeah, I know and he does but that didn't stop him."
"Who's brad?" Flynn asks calmly but I know he's anything but calm. Tyler looks at him giving him a warning stare.
I open the back door, "My ex's best friend." I say and leave the car and slam the front door open. Mother greets me at the front door and she opens her mouth but closes it when she sees the look on my face. I soften the blow and kiss her cheek and she gasps.
I walk passed her and I go to the kitchen and find a packet of crisps. I rip them open and tip as many as I can into my mouth. I take my crisps into the living room with my mouthful and grab an Xbox controller before I sit on the sofa. I switch it on in between me filling my gob.
I don't know where the guys went but I don't care right now. I play Call of Duty and zone my mind out. Fuck, it's calling me. I slam the remote on the coffee table. I walk back into the kitchen and go through all the cupboards slamming them shut when I come up empty. "Honey, what are you looking for? Maybe I can help you find it?"
"Wine, vodka, anything. I'm not fussy right now." I say continuing to hunt high and low. They always have something so where are they hiding it?
"Sweetheart I threw all the alcohol out after you left for college. I didn't want any temptations in your way. I've loved having you here sober." Again with the sober shit.
I walk out the kitchen and out into the hall. Now what? I need to get out of here. The memories are swamping my mind. The urge to drown myself in vodka is too strong. I walk to the front door, "Honey please. You've been doing so well, don't ruin it now." I pull the door open without looking back. I slam the door behind me and walk across the driveway. Hell, why does her feelings matter to me? I take my phone out and look at the time. 3.32 pm. Well, I am may aswell cool my head and walk to the fair. I did say I would go after all. The chill in the air makes me shiver.
I didn't need the memories of Brad entering my mind. Feeling again and being reminded of the memories is too much. I want to resort to drink but I also don't. I don't want to disappoint my mother. She's the happiest I've seen her since it happened. She stays strong for me so why can't I do the same for her?
She's aged since that day. Her beautiful blue eyes have sagged underneath her eyes. I get my eyes from her. Her perfectly smooth skin has wrinkled with worry lines. She looks more fragile than she used to be. I made her that way and I've only just truly seen it because I can feel. Her dark brown hair has grey strands of hair. I love her hair the way she has soft subtle highlights in her hair. She's always so perfect with her wavy shoulder-length hair.
Despite her aging and worry she's perfect to me. She's only in her late thirties, I always loved the small age gap she was always my best friend over my mother. I slam my fist against the building in frustration. I use my bloody hand to pull my phone out.
ME- I'm sorry.
MOTHER- You have nothing to be sorry for, I love you. Shall we meet at the fair? x
ME- Sure.
I just want to tell her I love her and I miss her but I can't.
I put my phone away again and continue walking. I pass a corner shop and look into the window. I see the liquor behind the counter and my mouth waters remembering the taste. The feeling of it coursing through my veins. No, I can't give up now. I've come too far to cave. I continue through the town heading towards the green. The closer I get the louder I can hear the festivities. Blowing Rock is a small town, everyone knows everyone.
Nothing is a secret which means everyone knows what I did. The lights of the fair ground appears in my horizon. Everyone is going to be there and this will be the real tester of my strength. My heart grows heavier each step I take. My body is cooling despite me trying to cling to the heat.
As I reach the ticket desk I stop breathing, "Oh Riley dear," Mrs Lincoln says. She's our elderly next-door neighbour and has known me since I was little. She's seen my good times and my bad. "Nice to see you dear. How's college going?"
"Fine, better than I had hoped. I guess." I shrug and she smiles at me and passes me a ticket.
"Yes, I can see that. Your father has already pre-bought your ticket. Enjoy, honey." I nod and walk into the busy fair. I don't like it already. I wander around for a while.
"Riley Blake?" I groan when I hear her voice. Elise Parker, Blowing Rock's high school's prom queen. I would just settle for bitch. "They said you looked different but I didn't believe it."
I turn to face her and her friends are all around her. Bleach blonde hair, a tight dress barely covering her ass and her boobs practically hanging out. She'd be much more attractive if she dressed in more fabric. Her shiny red lip gloss sparkles in the light.
"Elise," I growl.
"I've been waiting to see you since it happened but you disappeared off the face of the earth." Hardly, I was just pissing it up in the rougher parts of town where she's too scared to hang out.
"What do you want?"
"You see, it was my idea. To have your boyfriend do what he did. He didn't love you, he loved me and you took him away from me." I roll my eyes. Ice wraps around my heart. She holds her phone up to me and I shut my eyes when I see that video. Pain seers through me and I can't breathe. "You should be locked up for what you did yet here you are. All because of who your father is." Out of no where I get a slap to the face and my eyes shoot open. Fucking bitch. I punch her hard in the face and she falls on the floor. I climb on top of her and punch her over and over until I'm pulled off her.
"Riley! Stop it." I scream when I realise it's Brad pulling me off her. He doesn't put me down just continues to pull me into the darkness as I continue to fight against him. It's dark now and it's loud so no one can hear my screams. He puts me down and grabs my wrists with his hands. He's gripping me too tightly. "What the fuck was that? You are in no position to defend yourself. You deserved that."
"Fuck you. You don't know what I've been through to live with this guilt. Do you think I have no remorse? He was a fucking arsehole but he didn't deserve that." I yell but his hands get tighter around my wrist.
"You already have remember! Maybe I should do it again, remind you who's in charge here. I've lost my best friend because of you and here you are without a care in the world."
"You know nothing." I growl. He grabs my wrists with one hand and his other hand grips my face tightly squishing my cheeks.
"Don't test me Riley." I try fight against him but it's no use. "You killed him and you've never once said sorry to me. I don't know why he wasted time on you."
"He wasn't the person you thought he was! No one knew the real him apart from me." He tosses me to the floor in anger. I fall on to the cold wet grass on my side. Fucking arsehole just like his friend. He pulls my to my feet again. I look around but no one notices our fight. The music is loud and the screams of the crowd enjoying their evening.
"Who was he then, huh?" Brad's face is really close to mine and I can feel his breath on my face. I smell scotch on his breath and I try block the smell to my nose.
"Like you, he liked to control me and he didn't care how he did it!" Brad back hands my face and I call out in shock. He slams me against something hard and he kisses me and I try push him off me.
Brad gets shoved to the floor and I see Flynn on top of him as he punches him over and over. Tyler holds my face examining my cheek, "Sis, you okay? We ran but we couldn't get across the field fast enough." I nod and Tyler holds Flynn's shoulder to pull him off Brad before he kills him. "Flynn, that's enough bud. I don't need you in jail." Flynn gets up and looks at me with pain on his face.
"You touch her again and I'll kill you." Flynn growls looking down at Brad's bloody body.
"She was begging for it. It's what she deserves to be treated like, a worthless bitch! She will pay for what she did, I'll make sure of it." I grab Flynn's hand before he attacks him again but Tyler kicks him hard in the ribs and Brad calls out.
"Fucking say that about my sister again you arsehole!" Tyler growls.
"Son, don't." Father says coming into the darkness. "He will pay for this but not with violence. I will throw every charge at him that I can. This will be his last night free after assualting my daughter." I look at my father and he's angry as hell but pain floods though his eyes. His chocolate brown kind eyes. His dirty blonde hair is casual today but normally combed and gelled for his job.
He's a bit older than Mother but he hasn't changed much physically. Just the eyes, those warm caring eyes that always comforted me now have pain engraved in them. Tyler and I get our hair colour from him but his is starting to grey now too and thin out but that happened before the accident.
I've always been a Daddy's girl and he calls to me here and now and I can't stop myself and I jump into his arms and it takes him a second to process what is going on before he wraps his arms around my waist whilst mine around his neck. "Thanks Daddy."
"I've missed you, princess," he whispers into my ear. I've missed him too but I can't tell him. I release him and step away from him and I notice everyone is staring at me. It feels like I've grown three heads. "I suggest you make the most of your freedom young man because you won't see day light in a long time." Father threatens and Brad gets up off the floor and storms away from us. "Let's have a nice night as a family shall we?" I nod.
That's what we did, we played all the fair games from hook the duck to bumper cars. We had burgers and hot dogs for dinner. We laughed as a family and it was perfect. The night got chiller and Flynn gave me his jacket. Tyler, Flynn and I shared some candy floss. I feel like my old self again. The blonde carefree happy Riley Blake.