Come Wander With Me (13 Reasons Why)

Chapter 6

Alex is lying on his bed, his eyes closed, his hands folded behind his head. He tries his best to focus on Jessica, on what she is doing to him, but it is taking him everything to keep his mind on her, and he can't get himself to just let go and get into it.

"This isn't working, is it?" Jessica asks, when she sits up. "I can keep trying, but..."

"Sorry," Alex mumbles, reaching down to zip his jeans back up, and when he looks up at his girlfriend, he can see that there is something on her mind. And it's not just the fact that he can't get hard.

"Look, Alex..."

"This isn't about you," Alex quickly says. "I'm just tired, and it's been a long day, so..."

"Hannah told me," Jessica sighs, having kept the conversation to herself since last week, but she knows she needs to ask Alex about it. Especially after what just happened. "About Zach kissing you."

"Oh... right..."

"I know what he said, and what Hannah made of it, but I want to hear it from you. Did he really kiss you?"

Alex nods, trying to figure out what he should say, if he should lie to protect not only himself but Zach too. But he knows Jessica deserves to know the truth, and although it had happened again, he still isn't sure how he feels about Zach. What he does know, is that he likes Jessica, and that he wants to be with her though.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it didn't mean anything." Alex shrugs. "I didn't think it mattered."

"Because you didn't want me to know?" Jessica suggests, a guilty look on her boyfriend's face.

"It meant nothing, Jess."

"Then why did you keep it from me? Were you trying to protect Zach?"

"No," Alex says, but then he shrugs. "Maybe. I knew it would only upset you, and I didn't want you to think it was something it wasn't."

"Did you kiss him back?"

"Yeah, I did," Alex admits, and Jessica takes a moment, but then she nods, trying her best to take it all in.

"Do you like him?"

"No. I like you, Jess. He kissed me, and I kissed him back, but I don't even know why I did it."

"I know I've asked you before, but I need to know, Alex. Are you gay? Because if you are..."

"I'm not gay," Alex says, "I told you that."

"Yeah, but you literally just told me that you kissed Hannah's boyfriend," she says, before quickly adding, "Ex-boyfriend, I guess. I just want you to be honest with me, Alex. I think you're great, but if you're lying to me, or if you're keeping things from me..."

"I'm not," Alex says, but then he looks down at his hands, an embarrassed look on his face.

"What? Did something else happen?"

"No, and I'm not gay. But I do like guys," he admits, before letting out a nervous chuckle. "Shit. I've never told anyone that before."

"You're bi?"

"I guess." Alex shrugs, still staring down at his hands, but when Jessica takes his hand, he looks up. "I should have told you, and I'm sorry I didn't."

"I get it," Jessica says, before flashing a reassuring smile. "I would have been nervous to come out too, especially to someone you've only just started dating. But you could have told me. I don't care that you're bi, Alex. But I do care if you keep things from me. I need to know I can trust you."