Come Wander With Me (13 Reasons Why)

Chapter 5

When Hannah had asked him to come over tonight, Zach had been nervous that he would have to sit through an awkward dinner with her parents. But when he had gotten there, Hannah's parents had been out, and after ordering in a pizza, they had crashed down to watch a movie. Zach had been relieved, and he had actually found himself enjoying the night. Until Hannah had asked him to go up to her room, before disappearing to the bathroom herself.

He had almost gone to check on her, because it was taking so long, but when she had come into the bedroom, her hair had been done, her face now all made up, and she was wearing nothing but a set of very revealing lingerie.

"What do you think?" she asks, failing to hide how nervous she is. "I mean... I know we haven't really discussed it yet, but we've been together for a while now, so..."

"Right...," Zach says, not sure how to react. "No, you look gorgeous. You do."

"But?"

"I don't... I'm not sure if I'm there yet," Zach admits. "But that's all me, that has nothing to do with you. I swear."

Hannah can feel the tears welling up in her eyes, as she sits down at her desk, trying to cover herself up with her arms. But when Zach gets up, and he takes his sweater off to put over her shoulders, trying to be kind, it only makes her feel worse.

"Do you even love me?" she asks, but when she looks up, and she finds her boyfriend staring at her with a guilty look on her face, tears begin to fall from her eyes.

"I really like you, Hannah."

"That's not what I asked."

"I promise that this has nothing to do with you. You are beautiful, and..."

"But you don't want to have sex with me."

"I can't," Zach sighs. "Look, I..."

"What?"

"I have to tell you something," he says, not sure if this is the time and place to do this. But he knows he can't keep it from her, because Justin had warned him what it would do to her, and seeing her sitting there, crying, it breaks his heart.

"Is there someone else?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" Hannah scoffs. "What does that even mean?"

"Look, Hannah..."

"Do I know her?"

"I kissed someone," Zach admits. "But it wasn't a girl."

A long silence follows, and Zach can see Hannah trying to process this new information. He wants to explain it to her, tell her that he still likes her, but he isn't sure if she can take any more right now, so he just keeps quiet, until she gives a small nod.

"Do you like him?"

"I don't know. But I do know that I wanted to kiss him," Zach explains. "I should have told you, but I was scared, okay? I am still trying to wrap my head around it myself. I don't even know what this means, if I am bi, or..."

"You think you might be gay?" Hannah asks. She has stopped crying, and she is surprising herself with how calm she feels. She would have been upset with Zach if he had gone out and he had intentionally cheated on her with a girl, but if he is questioning his sexuality, she feels like she can't blame him. Not really.

"I don't think so," Zach sighs. "I like you, okay? I really do. But Alex..."

"Alex?" Hannah asks, her voice coming out all wrong, now feeling anything but calm. "You kissed Jess' boyfriend?"