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|Defeated |

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|Defeated |



My plan for 3 failed miserably. I woke up earlier than anticipated, so I decided to go my hair. Just because I felt like crap, didn't mean I have to look like crap.

I was mentally drained. And when I thought about it, this situation wasn't the only cause. I have been feeling defeated long before the note, long before the dinner. And I began to question if it was really worth it.

This is not what I needed right now. I tried texting Terrance last night after reading the note, but his number is disconnected. Did I really upset him that much, to cut off complete communication?

I was on an emotional roller coaster, that took layers of concealer to cover up. My marriage was never perfect, but it's never came to sleeping in separate households.

Or disconnecting phone services, hell or even avoiding face to face interactions. I didn't understand how it came to this. Was it the late nights, was it the dress, was his mom in his ear? Did he fall out of love? Or was he just in love with the idea of a wife and not actually the one he has.

I was clueless and it doesn't make matters better that I have to drag myself to work. I bet they'd love to see me discombobulated.

I was always put together, always radiating positive energy. Now here I am, complete shambles. But I planned on avoiding any social interactions today with my peers.

Thankfully I'm going in late, hopefully I don't run into anybody on the way out, on my way in.

I can't lie and say I wasn't worried about the status of my marriage. It wasn't really him leaving that had me worried.

It's him staying gone, for God knows how long. Doing God knows what, with God knows who.

Does this mean divorce? I literally cry every time I think of the word divorce.

Here we go again.

Get it together Syn, business first.

I grabbed a banana out the kitchen and gave myself a pep talk, on the way to the car.

You got this, you're strong. He's gonna be back, where is he gonna go? Who is better than me? Nobody. What female can say she makes 7 figures a year? At the age of 26? Who?

Exactly.

•••

After stopping to get me and Rahim coffee, I pulled into the parking garage. I didn't even have the energy for valet.

I entered the building from the side door because, you guessed it. I'm ducking and dodging everyone, even Jeffery the door man.

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