July Raine

Explain Yourself

Things seemed to be going pretty well with Rainey. Everyday seemed to grow the bond between Rainey, July and I. We spent almost every waking moment together, and some nights he and July would fall asleep on the couch. Rainey and I had avoided much physical contact with each other. On occasion he would hold my hand or put his arm around my waist. He often kissed me on the cheek. It was always a sweet gesture, but I often wondered if there would ever be more to our relationship than only sweet gestures. I wanted to see if there was something between us, but I'm not sure that Rainey was ready to take the next step. We had a bond that neither of us could deny. Even though the bond was strong I still had a feeling down deep that couldn't shake.

Maddy had returned back to the lake, but still continued to avoid me at all costs. The only reason I knew he was back was because he and Rainey had went out to play a game of golf in the afternoon. When Rainey had come back from that game, things seemed to be different. I don't know what happened between them but I could tell that something was up. I wanted to ask Rainey about but I wasn't sure how he would take it. I didn't even know if I should ask him. Did I really want to open that can of worms. I was beginning to think that I should probably just left it alone.

It didn't really matter if I left it alone or not, my answer came when we had an unexpected guest to the lake. When I first saw her, I was walking over to Rainey's cabin. She was standing talking to Maddy. I assumed that she was something that Maddy knew, maybe a girlfriend I didn't know about, or maybe just someone he's just met. She was gorgeous. She had long blonde curly hair. She was tall and very thin, but had curves in just the right places. I could how a she would be appealing to any guy, especially Maddy. Who himself was very attractive in his own right.   I didn't think much about her or what was going on until I got closer. Maddy's back was to me and I spoke.

"Hey Maddy." It felt weird saying his name. I hadn't seen him in weeks and I didn't know until that moment how much I'd missed him.

When he saw me he looked shocked and turned almost pale. He evened stuttered when he spoke.

"Melonie, what are you doing here? I thought you were going into the city today?"

" I am or I was but I decided I didn't want to leave July behind. I decided I'd go another day."

By this point the women that Maddy was talking to turned and faced me. She held out her hand.

"Hey I'm Bailey, Maddy's told me a lot about you."  I gave Maddy a side glance.

At this point I was confused. I became even more confused when Rainey walked out from the cabin and Baily ran to him wrapped her arms around his neck and she kissed him. I heard her say 'I missed you.'

At this point I couldn't move, I couldn't think. Even though I saw them kiss, I couldn't fathom what was happening. Things became worse when July came barreling out of the cabin behind Rainey. She stopped when she saw Bailey hanging all over Rainey.

Rainey looked shocked and guilty all at the same time. July ran to me and jumped into my arms. " Mommy what is Rainey doing."  It was the first time I'd ever heard her call him anything other than daddy.

I tried to quickly rectify the situation. " Daddy is just being silly."

I handed July to Maddy. " Maddy why don't you and July go to the swing sets to play." 

Maddy took July and put her on his back and leaned into and whispered into my ear. "Just stay calm." 

I wasn't sure how to take what he said but when quickly took July and went to the playground across the way.

Maddy's words had no effect on me because the first thing that came out of my mouth were " What the hell is going on Rainey."

When those words reached Rainey, Bailey's head snapped around to look at me.

"Melonie I can explain."

"Well you better get to explaining."

Bailey grabbed Rainey's hand. " What's going on babe."

"Melonie, this is Bailey... my girlfriend."

Now it was me who went pale. How does someone fail to mention this kind of thing. I felt tears coming to my eyes. I didn't want to show him that what he just said hurt me. More than anything it hurt because I really thought we had a shot of being a family, but how could we be a family when Rainey had a girlfriend.. A GIRLFRIEND... All I knew to do was turn and walk away.

As I turned to leave I heard Rainey say, " Come on Melonie, let me explain to you."

"Explain Rainey, there is nothing to explain to me. But how are you going to explain to your daughter that you've only been playing house with us. How many weeks has it been and you've failed to mention to me that you have a girlfriend."

"Come on Mel be reasonable."

"I think I am being reasonable. It is fine that you have a girlfriend, it is not like we were together or anything. But what gets me is that you told me that you wanted us to be a family. I don't understand how that could have ever worked if you had a girlfriend back home."

" I do want us to be a family Mel." 

Bailey just stood and stared, I felt as though she was in shock. Not a word came out of her mouth, but I could see tears forming in her eyes. I felt bad for her, but at this moment all I could do was just let loose on Rainey.

" What for the summer? You play house with us and then go back home to Bailey?"

"Come on Mel you are not being fair."

"Fair? Me not being fair.. don't you think you were not being fair to me, to July. I'm a big girl I can handle it, but how do you think our five year old will take it when she realizes that we will never be a family."

"We can still be a family Mel."

I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. How exactly did he think that we could be a family. At least the type of family that he was trying to play with us. I had enough of this conversation. I wanted to just get away, I was so angry at this point I felt as though I were on fire.

I just wanted to escape and that is exactly what I did. I turned and took off running. I heard Rainey calling my name, and I heard Bailey saying ' You have a daughter with her.'

I needed to just get a way and I trusted Maddy with July. I got into my car and drove. About five miles down the road I pulled over, texted Maddy.

 Mel: I need some space and time. I need to process, please please take July with you. I'll be back before July's bedtime.

Maddy: Anything for you. I'm always here for you whenever you need me.

Mel: I need you!

Maddy: Please be careful! See you soon!

I sat my phone aside and did what I do best. I put my face in my hands and cried. My life was a mess. I was a complete and udder mess. How could I let myself believe that maybe it would all work out and that we could be a family.  Who was I kidding I was never going to be happy with a man. I was always going to be a mess and that was all there was to it.

I don't really know where I went. I just drove for hours. After a long time of just thinking and a whole lot of driving I decided it was time to put on my big girl britches and just suck it up. I needed to stop letting my emotions dictate my life. I needed to stop worrying about me, and worrying more about July.

I always had July's best interest at heart, but I wanted things to work out for me too. After everything I knew that things probably weren't going to work out in my favor, but if nothing else they could work out in July's favor.  I was going to buck up, forget about Rainey and what could have been and move on. I needed to worry less about me and more about July.

My emotions and feelings were just going to be set aside and figure out how things were going to work out for Rainey and July when the summer comes to an end. At this moment it felt as though this summer was never going to come to an end.