i just got you back

16 | 𝑎𝑝𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑦

Emptiness.

It's all Bucky could feel. Nothing.

It's like he thought he got what he finally wished for all his life, but then the sudden reality crushed him down to pieces.

He's been torn apart so many times, but this couldn't compare to any of those heartbreaks of seeing Steve falling for the woman who had so much faith in him.

If he only had the audacity to tell Peggy he'd been with Steve's side way before she did, and he was the first ever (besides Sarah) to believe in Steve's capabilities.

God, I'm such a mess.

It's better to not see or even talk to Steve anymore. It's less painful when he's not there beside him anymore. It's just getting worse when he catches a glimpse of Steve's beautiful features and just thinks of how Steve never really felt the same.

Bucky had survived fifteen hours without food or water to nurture him. He had survived fifteen hours without Steve's care.

God, he really needs to stop thinking about him every time.

-

Steve came home with a bunch of groceries (he had to prevent the cashier lady from fainting while he was at the checkout), a casual but fine-looking suit he bought from the mall (he doesn't usually wear these on a basis) and a fresh bouquet of roses.

You probably know where this is going. As cliché as it may sound, Steve is preparing something for his Bucky: a little candlelit dinner as an apology for breaking his heart.

He really hoped this would work. He doesn't know what to do if it didn't.

Fingers crossed.

He reaches for his phone buried in his small pocket, and looks at the lock-screen. Showing the time, Steve sighs in relief, knowing that's he's a few hours early for dinner.

He places down the bouquet on the coffee table before he headed towards the kitchen to cook some steak for their special dinner.

And to make sure things don't go wrong, knowing that Steve is a terrible cook, he had to re-read the recipe all over again. He wanted this to be perfect, so might as well make sure nothing goes against his plans.

Meanwhile, Bucky could strongly sense the smell of food, thanks to his super-soldier abilities. He was never ready to admit he was hungry, but he didn't had the heart to eat, either. He feels too paralyzed to even try.

The sun is now setting, the sky painted a perfect gradient of yellow, pink, and red-orange. It's windy, as usual, as temperatures begin to slowly drop as the night visits the city once again. Bucky could only stare at the window as he watches buildings light one by one. If Bucky would be honest, nothing is better than the exquisite evening sight of New York.

This was so much different from the Brooklyn he'd known ever since he was born.

Very, very different.

The peaceful, soft moment ended quite abruptly when Bucky felt his stomach twisting and growling in hunger.

Bucky slowly closes his eyes and presses his soft, plump lips together as he defies the urge to unlock the bedroom door and eat.

Part of him doesn't want to for the reason of the painful sight of Steve. He couldn't bear it anymore. But then, another part of him wants to just go out there and get hurt again, and he wouldn't even mind anymore. Plus, he's hungry as fuck, he skipped yesterday's dinner, today's breakfast and lunch.