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Riker's POV

You see movies and think that the bad stuff will never happen to you. You see bad things happen to other people, and you think it will never happen to you. You think you're untouchable, and when it happens to you, you're shocked and scared. Its different when it's someone you love. You want to take everything away from them, so they don't hurt. You feel their pain, aside from your own.

The doctor had told Jamie she had s good chance of going home next week, but a simple cough changed all that. We were sitting and watching TV when Jamie started coughing. She stopped coughing, but a nurse came to make sure it wasn't me coughing because I could get her sick. Turns out, Jamie was sick. White blood cells help you fight infections, and Jamie is kind of low on those. The doctor ran a test to check her white blood cells to see if she could fight the simple cough, that could lead to something more. They said that she was only low by a few, but I was still worried. The doctors said keep a positive mind.

I later found out the Megan had a small cold a few days later. She had texted me when she realized what exactly it was because she knew someone who had leukemia a while back when she was a child. They couldn't be around anyone sick. I'm not a hundred percent sure that's where Jamie got it because I spent time with Jackson while he was sneezing and had a runny nose. I had to wear a mask in the room because I had been exposed to germs, but I wasn't sick myself.

Jackson couldn't come over because he was sick. It really didn't help him feeling better about thinking his mom didn't love him. How can you even explain something like this to a three year old? You tell them they can't go around their mom when they're sick, but the child is supposed to depend on their mother. My mom was trying to help Jackson while I tried to stay with Jamie as much as I could.

I had completely stopped writing music because my new focus was my family, but everyone in the R5 family, and my own family, saw it coming. Rocky is married, Ellington and Rydel are now engaged, Ross has a girlfriend, and Ryland is in the process of looking. We're growing up, but I think that we will one day get back in a position where we will sit down and start back with small shows and take baby steps to big arenas. It'll take time. Ellington, Rydel, and Ross don't have children, so they don't have to worry about that. Rocky and I do. Everything is just not in a good place for us to continue doing shows, especially with Jamie getting a cold.

The support we have is great, and we're getting lots of help from my family and Jamie's. One thing that I was upset with was people finding out about Jamie. Someone nurse's daughter is a big R5 fan, and the nurse told her daughter about Jamie, and the word got out. I haven't responded to the rumors, which u really didn't have to, because of the negativity that Jamie has gotten from people from the start, and it still continues. Some of the R5 family, which you can say most, are really supportive through everything we do and what happens.

But aside from everything, I'm drained. Emotionally, I can't handle any bad news anymore. I hate hearing it, and I crave positivity. Physically, I don't want to do anything. I keeping pushing myself more and more to keep up with everything.

I just can't.
But I will.
I will push myself for Jamie.
I will fight for her if I could.
I'll do anything and everything for her.
I love her.

(A/N- No dialogue at all for this. This might be my last update for 2014. It depends on how I feel the last three days.
If I don't update before the last few days of 2014, HAPPY NEW YEAR! ... And a happy anniversary to Jamie and Riker!!;)

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