Hope.

• Chapter 42 •

• Luca •

I ran into my room, slamming the door shut with tears streaming down my face. Angela and mami hadn't talked to me for days now and apparently, Jess was the one who told people that Tyler and I were together. I didn't know who to trust anymore. Everything was falling apart, and all the effort from Dickson and Fatima seemed to not be working at all. I just kept falling deeper into this fucking mess.

Nobody cared about me anymore and I knew Fatima and Dickson were getting tired of trying to cheer me up. Nothing was working.

I had fallen back into my bad habits and once I had fallen I couldn't come back. The box under my bed was no longer something that was in the past.

I pulled it out, flipping it open, my eyes staring at the small metallic objects inside. It helped. It helped me focus the chaos going on inside my head into physical pain. I knew it was bad, I knew I shouldn't be ruining my body like this, but the only reason I had stopped was because there were people who wanted me safe. But now, the people who used to care about me seemed to hate me.

Everyone left me. Everyone left me because I selfishly chose something I knew I couldn't have. I not only hurt my family but I was forced to hurt Tyler in the process too. He didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated him. He deserved to be with someone who could openly love him and themselves.

He deserved better than me.

Everyone deserved better someone than me.

I pressed the cold object against my skin, biting my lip until I could feel the metallic taste fill my mouth.

"Luca!" Angela yelled, and my gaze immediately shifted to her, the blade dropping from my hand on instinct. "Luca, what-what are you-" she asked her voice cracking painfully and I flinched, shifting my gaze away from her disappointed face. I did it again. I disappointed her again. "You-you promised,"

Tears slipped down my face as I pulled my knees up to my chest burying my face in my hands. She couldn't look at me like this.

"Luca, I-I'm sorry," she said, softly having strayed to cry. I didn't dare look at her face, it would make feel even more guilty than I already was feeling. "Luca, look at me," she cried, shaking me and I just cried harder.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, repeatedly in between sobs. "I'm sorry,"

"No, stop apologizing," she said, her hands knowing wrapping around my curled up body. "I'm sorry, I didn't-I'm a horrible person. I should have known. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Luca."

"It's okay, you were right. I am abnormal," I whispered, gasping slightly for my breath. "I'm sorry, for hurting you an-and mami,"

"Luca, don't-don't say that," she said, pulling my face from my hands. "Show me,"

I shook my head, trying to pull my hands away from her but it didn't work. She grabbed my hands her breath hitching as she looked my wrists, once again littered with scars and cuts. "It's okay," I pressed, prying my hands away from her grasp.

"I'm so sorry, hermano," she said, looking at me with guilt clouding her face. "I was wrong. I-I wanted to try to make you understand that it was wrong but I realized, I couldn't-this is-this is just how you are and-and that's okay and I have to be okay with it. I'm sorry, I was-I was being selfish," Tears were streaming down her face.