Hope.

• Chapter 7 •

• Tyler •

The waves in the sea were calm, but nature wasn't. So the calm needed to be upturned.

Then it struck, the first lightning of the storm. The waves started to rumble and stir.
Then the storm hit; Thunder boomed over the sea turning the calm waters, uneven and scary, waves crashed and crumbled, the clouds broke and the rains were let loose. The rain hit the water like sharp rocks inflicting pain to the previously calm sea.

The blue sea had turned black.

The storm didn't pass, it only got worse. Now the sea had turned into a whirlpool of misery. There was so much misery that the before, calm sea, was nowhere to be seen.

The calm was replaced by the storm.

***

"Fuck!" I yelled, whacking a glass of water off my table. My hands were coated with paint whose colours were unknown to me and I hated it. My gaze returned to the easel with distress. I couldn't see what I was doing and it so frustrating. Something I used to do so easily was now, such a difficult task. Why can't I do anything right?

I felt around the table trying to get a hold of my paintbrush but ended up knocking half the things off it. I groaned in frustration as I grabbed fistfuls of my hair, gritting my teeth in annoyance.

I hate everything, I hate everyone, I hate myself.

My breathing started to get heavier as I felt tears burn my eyes. The temperature felt like it was rising but couldn't do anything to control it. I knew exactly what was happening. I tried to get up from where I was sitting but ended up stepping on my bad foot. My knees collided with the floor causing me to wince in pain.

Everything felt like it was closing in on me, my breaths were laboured and my movements were frantic. I wanted to call for help, I wanted to scream but when I tried nothing came out, it was useless.

I pushed my back up against the nearest wall trying to calm down but it wasn't working. It was getting hotter and hotter by the minute. In a daze, I pulled my shirt over my head.

I was scared.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, I tried to focus myself on something. I slowly rocked myself back and forth, trying to get my senses to concentrate on the movement. But it wasn't working, everything was too scattered.  My breaths started becoming more rapid, I felt sweat dripping off my forehead, my body felt limp but I still tried. I was trying so hard to focus.

"Tyler!" I heard someone cry. The voice felt almost distant like they weren't really there. I heard echoes footsteps on the floor coming towards me. Whoever it was kneeled, in front of me. But it was difficult to figure out about who it was at that moment of panic. "Breath with me, Ty. Come on, deep breaths. In out." I knew who it was now; Stacy. I took in a deep, shaky breath trying to focus on the sound of her breathing. Slowly, the waves of panic and fear slipped from my body.

"I can't paint."

"What are you talking about, Ty?" Stacy said, worry lacing her words. "Everything you paint is beautiful,"

"So you claim. I've never seen them. For all I know they're just blobs of nothingness," I muttered, running a frustrated hand through my hair. "Why can't I do anything right?" My voice cracked, it made me feel so weak. So small beside my big sister. I hated it. I didn't want to cry. It made me feel so weak. I didn't want to be weak.