Hope.

• Chapter 41 •

• Tyler •

"How is he?" I asked Stacy over the phone. She had told me that she had seen Luca, I needed to know he was doing okay. "Is he fine? Was he hurt?"

"Jordan found him before me," she said, softly and my breath hitched. I should have been there, I should have done something. "Don't worry, we stopped them before anything happened. He's okay,"

"Did he-did he say anything?" I asked, desperately.

"He asked about you," she said, and I felt my a stupid smile tugging at the corner of my lips. I missed him. I missed him so fucking much.

"Do you think he still likes me?" I asked, biting my lip nervously.

"Of course he does," she said, sadly.

I sighed, hitting the back of my head against the wall. "I need a distraction,"

"Do you want me to come get you?" She asked, immediately.

I didn't want to bother her but I really needed to get away from my thoughts. "It's okay,"

"No, no, I'm coming over and we're going to get some hot-chocolate okay?"

"Are you sure? You don't have to-"

"You helped me that day so now I'm going to help you. That's it," she said firmly and I sighed.

"Okay then, come over," I said, giving in. I was too tired to argue. Everything that had been going on was messing with my mind. I didn't feel like doing anything, I was constantly moping around and I was fucking pissed off most of the time. On top of that, I had to go to school and listen to my economics teacher droning on about something that doesn't matter. I was just so done with everything.

The only thing that was keeping me sane was Iris and my family. They always found ways to distract me and to be honest, it was working for the most part, but that didn't stop me from worrying about him.

Every time I tried to talk to him in school he ignored me, he didn't pick up my calls, he didn't reply to my texts. I was terrified.

Ever since that day when I found out he had hurt himself I had made an unconscious promise to myself that no matter what I wouldn't let him get to that point again, but with this, I didn't know anything about what was going on with him. At times I wanted to just walk right into his house and take him away, but obviously, that would do a lot more harm than good.

I had a panic attack again the other day, it had been a few weeks since the last time I had one which was a considerable improvement. But it was all falling apart again. I was falling apart again and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it.

Sometimes I wondered how it would be like if I never met Luca at all, but the more I thought about that possibility the more I realized that I never wanted that reality to happen. Without him, so many things would have not have happened, so many good things.

I had never felt this way about anyone before and it was scary. It was scary how much I had grown attached to him, how I much I needed him.

I wondered if he needed me as much I, him. Maybe I was delusional for ever thinking that, or maybe, he did. I just wished things were different somehow. I wished that his mother hadn't walked in on us that day or that she would have been more accepting, but that was all it was. A fucking wish.

It felt like the hope I had gotten from being with him was disappearing and I wanted to cling on to it for as long as I could, but it was hurting me. I knew this was hurting him too, probably more than me, especially when it involved his family. I knew how much his family meant to him, they were his fucking world and I couldn't help but feel like I played a part in destroying it.

I sat on my bed a for another twenty minutes, alone with my thoughts. That was the worst thing to do. Being alone in your own head.

"Tyler, Iris is here!" Mom called out and I immediately got off my grabbing a jacket and pulling it on before rushing towards the front door, grateful that she had arrived before I had started spiralling.

"Hi, Iris," I said, and her hands wrapped around my torso, pulling me into a hug, causing a small gasp to escape my lips.

"How are you?" She mumbled into my shirt before pulling away.

"Alright," I said, with a small smile. Mom and dad knew what had happened, and I would be lying if I said I didn't catch the tone of relief when dad found out. He was still having a hard time accepting it all, but at least he was trying.

"Come on, let's go get hot chocolate, yeah?" She asked a smile evident in her tone and I nodded, awkwardly pulling my shoes as I stepped outside with her.

"Bye, Ty," mom said, and I gave her quick wave.

"So how have you been doing?" She asked as we started walking towards the small café at the end of the street, my hand placed on her elbow. I didn't want to take my cane today, and since Iris was there, I didn't really need it.

I stuffed my free hand in my pocket the cold winter breeze, stinging my face. It was probably going to start snowing soon. "I don't know," I answered, honestly. "I really miss him,"

"I know you do," she said, sadly.

"Can we talk about something else?" I asked, my teeth starting to chatter slightly.

"Whatever you want,"

"Um, okay, you have a bit of an Australian accent right? Or am I tripping?" I asked, trying to force myself to stop thinking about him.

"Hey, damn, I thought that had faded already," she said, with a small chuckle. "I lived in Australia till I was about ten and then we moved here,"

"It's not that noticeable I just tend to pick up accents,"

"Cool," she said, nudging me slightly causing me to nearly stagger off of the sidewalk.

"Hey," I huffed, steadying myself, my grip on her elbow tightening.

"You're so weak. I didn't even touch you," she said, snickering and I rolled my eyes.

"You're so mean to me," I said, narrowing my eyes at her, though a hint of a smile was playing at the corner of my lips.

"Yeah yeah," she said, dismissively. "We're here, come on,"

A feeling of warmth filled my body as we entered the shop, leaving the cold wind behind as the door fell shut. I took off my jacket as soon as we both had settled down into a little booth. "Two hot chocolates please," Iris said, sweetly to the waiter.

"Is that all?" They asked, and we both nodded.

When the hot chocolate had arrived I heard Iris squeak in front of me. "I burned my tongue!" She said, and I couldn't help but start laughing at her idiocy.

"It's called hot chocolate for a reason, you idiot," I said, still snickering and I felt her flick my forehead.

Being around her and my family helped a lot. I didn't know what I would have done without them.

• • •

Only two more chapters left owjzbqksn-

I'm scared.

-Anya