the universe of us

chapter eleven

Do you ever felt like you've done something wrong(?) but you don't have any idea what is it? It's like you are walking in a very dark alley where you can't see a shit but you have this weird feeling of knowing what is ahead of you but at the same time you are fucking clueless.

I've been in this state for the past couple of weeks.

It's Vaughn. I can't reach him.

I am worried and confused but most especially, I feel so scared. There's a lot going on inside my head that I don't even know what to think anymore.

I don't know what I did to receive such a cold treatment like this. The last time we saw each other, we had a good time. We said our goodbyes, we make out for a minute or two then we parted ways. It is such a normal day for us. So what the hell is wrong with him? Giving me no response at all! I've send so many text messages and calls that is enough to make his phone blow up.

I took a big gulp to my now semi cold coffee. I have been so busy since last week because my time is running for my thesis writing and at the same time the emergency room is rocking its 3 weeks in a row of popularity.

Is he so busy that he can't even pick up his phone or reply to my messages? Since we started dating, we make sure we give updates to each other no matter how busy we are. It's better late than never. That's what he freaking said when he forgot to click his 'Good Morning' message and only to remember it when it's already 5 in the afternoon. He still send it anyway.

But at least, he's still communicating with me. Not like this. I feel like he left me in the dark.

Vaughn, are you avoiding me? Or do you finally realize you don't like me at all?

The latter makes my heart in pain.

I don't even know how to deal with all of this. I've never had a serious relationship before. Or any relationship like what me and Vaughn have for that matter. For me, what we have right now is beyond anything else. We may never talk about our labels and such, and I seriously don't care, but what we feel towards each other is more important. I can feel that. I know it deep down. I also knkw that you know it too.

So where are you, Vaughn?

My stomach starts to act up and I feel like I am about to puke. I hurriedly grab my things and run towards the nearest comfort room.

I enter the first empty cubicle I found and vomits all that is left inside my stomach. I only had a half glass of coffee and a piece of bread. And now they are gone.

I grab a handful of tissue and used it to wipe my mouth. I let myself fall on the ground as i steady my self by using the door handle of the cubicle as a support.

Should I go to his Hospital?

I now only realized that I haven't been to his place. Though I know where he lives but I don't exactly know where.

I still need to be here until tomorrow morning. So, I'll go to his Hospital before I go home.

I sigh as I get out of the cubicle to wash my hands. I also wash my face so I'll be a little bit more awake. I highly doubt this but I have to get my shit together.

I STARE at the giant logo of the hospital where I am at. Where Vaughn is working. It's a 30 minutes drive more but definitely not less from my workplace.

Right after I finished my shift, I hurriedly fix my things and I go straight here.

I know no one here but him. Where and who should I ask for his whereabouts if the only person I know is the one I am looking for?

My heart is beating so fast. I'm so fucking nervous.

And I know it's not because I have to talk to someone whom there's a big chance that I don't happen to know, a complete stranger, but because of what will happen after all of this.

I am so damn scared.

But isn't it better to end things this soon? Just in case things go..fucked, we've just been together for more than 2 months. If he really change his mind about me, about us, It is still a good move to finish whatever it is that's happening between the two of us to avoid major damages.

I know my brain are cursing every thoughts that is present inside my mind right now.  But I am no fool. If what we are guessing here is correct, those hundreds of possibilities why he decided to ditch me all of a sudden and those days that we've spent with each other, even if it is only for 2 months, means a lot to me.

I let out a very deep sigh and slowly walk my way inside.

Since my Hospital and this one is considered as sisters, the interior is almost the same. The facilities and machines are of the same brand though their company color and the uniform of the nurses and other staff are different.

"Hi, Good Morning. I just want to ask if Dr. Estrella is around? Dr. Vaughn Estrella." I asked to the nurse in the lobby.

"Just a moment, sir." I nod as she typed something on the computer. "Yes, he's here. His shift will be done after an hour."

"Oh, okay."

"Do you want me to page him?"

"N-no! No need. I'll just wait for him here. Thank you."

I roam around for a while, with the hopes that I will see him but even his back is nowhere to be found.

I kind of felt relieve at the same time. I.. I just don't know what to do anymore. I sit at the chair that is far from the lobby.

You know, I can just let the nurse page him for me. Or I can go to their staff room to ask for him or maybe he's there. But I can't.

An hour had passed.

My heart beats so fast for every minute that I spend here. I am so tired and I feel like vomiting. I haven't eaten anything yet because I know my stomach will just throw it out.

I close my eyes as I lean my head on the wall behind me. 20 minutes. Just another 20 minutes.

"P-Prime?" I froze on my sit. That voice. "What.. what are you doing here?"

I immediately get up from my chair.

"I-I just..I-I-I just want t-to," before I could finish what I am saying someone approached us.

"Are we leaving, Vaughn?" It was a girl. She clung to his arm and looks at him like they are the only person in this room. Like I am not even here at all.

"Y-yes. I just need to get my coat." Vaughn replied to her while looking at me.

I feel so pathetic. My tears are begging to be released so I need to get out of here as soon as possible.

I gather my things and I even drop my freaking cellphone. "I-I.. I s-should probably go." I immediately walk away, giving them no chance to talk to me anymore. As soon as I turn my back on them, my tears started to fall down. Fast and unstoppable.

Everything fucking hurts.