As We Wish (Shawn Milke Love Story)

Chapter 14

Hey guys! Wow I'm updating this fast? I guess I was just really into these last two chapters, lets hope I can keep it up!  :D Oh and this chapter has some very touchy topics like self harm and suicide, so you have been warned. Read at your own will and enjoy!

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'The wild beasts are ravenous, they will soon devour you'

Several hours later I woke in tears and I didn't understand why. I felt so choked by my emotions, I have no clue what has upset me so badly. Then I remembered that I'm going to fail, I just know it. I can't save Shawn, look how close the wedding is. I literally only have a few weeks to help and I actually haven't done a damn thing except for get myself and Shawn into worse trouble. What good will I do? He'll be gone soon and I cannot, will not live without him. 

I felt my head swim as I began to shake from my sobbing as I reached for my dresser, I almost couldn't walk because I was stumbling so badly like I was drunk. I got the drawer open and found the small box I had kept since I was seventeen and I was going through some hard times, that was right before I met Shawn, formally that is. I kept it up till the day Shawn found out and I hadn't done it since. I grabbed the blue box and fell to the wooden floor, sliding a bit as my mind drifted back to that memory....

                                                      *Two Years and Three Months Back*

'Another night, another hotel.' I think to myself as I stick the key card into the door of the tiny seedy motel I was staying at for tonight. I threw my bags by the bed and flopped down on it. I have had to take odd job after job for over a month now since Alesana wasn't touring anymore and I needed the money to survive and just to be able to stay down here in North Carolina. I can't go back home, there's nothing I want there. I loved being a merch girl, I got to travel a lot, listen to great music, meet other great bands, and best of all spend loads of time with the guys of Alesana. They had become my best friends and I would hate to have to leave all of this.

I changed out of my dirty work clothes into blue skinny jean shorts that stopped right at my knees and a My Chemical Romance t-shirt. I'm supposed to be meeting Shawn and Dennis later to hangout and grab a bite to eat. I hop in my jeep and the engine doesn't seem like it wants to start, but I finally  get it to work. I make my way over and we all hang for a couple of hours and when I go back to my car it won't start, the engine flooded.

I slammed my fist to the steering wheel shouting, "Dammit! Don't do this to me now!"

Suddenly Shawn's head pops up next to my door and he asks, "What's the matter Ash?"

"My car won't start." I groan running my hands through my hair out of stress.

Shawn opened my door and held out a hand for me saying, "Come on I'll give you a ride home till we can get it fixed. Okay?"

I smile slightly and grasp his hand and step out of the jeep, then we head for his car instead. Inside I began to panic, I can't let him know how I'm living! He'll freak out! We finally make it to the street of the motel and I thankfully  notice a  nice large house across the street from it.

 "Stop I'm right here." I say pointing to the house and Shawn pulls to the curb. I step out of the car before turning back to Shawn and thank him.

He waves it off saying, "I'll see you later Ashley."

I start walking towards the house and when he drives off and I'm sure he's not paying attention I run across the street to the motel, quickly getting inside. I make my way to the restroom to take care of myself and get ready for bed when there is a knock on the door.