Keeping Her A Secret

7

"Fuck it... I see you wanna throw shades, go on fool but i ain't gonna stay here and watch you trash talk. You don't wanna act like a man , that's on you "

"Vanessa wait "

He followed behind me Snatching my hands.

"Get yo hands off me" i snatched my hands from him . We are now in the parking lot.

"You think I'm not hurting every single day, you think I don't feel bad for everything that has happened . All I ever did was to protect your happiness. I gave up mine just to make you happy. Do you think I don't want my daughter to have a family or a father, I put you first. I kept mute to protect you marriage, I kept quiet to see you happy with your family or what do you think Hafsa would say if she finds out, you think she'll applaud you. Hell no! because I didn't force you Saddam , you slept with me willingly, I admit i made the first move but i came to my right senses and stopped but what did you do, you went ahead knowing fully well how I felt about you. Only for you to top it with it never happened, how did you think I felt that night, I was fucking humiliated, how did you expect me to look at you after that without my heart breaking .

For four years Saddam, four years, I loved you for four years, I waited for you for four years. I turned down multiple guys just because I wanted you and you knew it, I never hid my feeling from you, only for you to go out and fall in love with another woman when you knew damn well I was waiting for you. I never stopped loving you after that, I Still wanted to see you happy, I tried to please you, And after fulfilling my biggest desire, you went ahead to say itnever happen. It did happen Saddam! It happened and that is what got us here. I never forgot that night, it is still vivid in my mind and do you know what that night meant to me, that was the most special night in my life. It felt like i had just lost virginity once again, it was that special.

"You really think if i didnt want to see you happy, I would keep mute. You know me, I don't give a fuck about what people say but simply because I wanted your marriage to work , I left so you can finally be free from me once and for all"

"I myself have a question for you assuming I told you about Nayla when I found out I was pregnant with her, what would you have done, leave your wife, would you have given her the perfect family, would you show her complete love without feeling regret. Would you be there for her when she needs you the most. Would you have devoted yourself to her. Would you have sacrificed your marriage for my daughter

"I did what I thought was best for everyone and I don't regret anything I have done. Have a good night Saddam " I walked away from him . I finally got into the car and let all my emotions pour out

I didn't expect things to turn out this way. All i wanted to do was make peace. Not for this to happen. I understand he might be hurt in a way. I'm not going to justify what I did. All I needed was a chance to explain how things were and how I felt.

I never meant to blunt it out but he pushed me to that point. I feel bad in all honesty. This would be the first time Saddam and i would argue.. ever... and now our first argument turns out to be this bad. I kinda feel bad in a way.

I still hope we can sit and talk most especially for Nayla's sake. She needs her daddy now. I can't keep hiding my daughter like she's some kind of plague or something. I agree that everything that happened was a mistake. But that same mistake brought forth something precious, something so beautiful.

As much as I might have wanted, I can't change anything that has happened so far. Saddam is still Nayla's dad. He needs to be in her life. She needs him. I can't keep putting him first, having his best interest at heart. I have to think of my baby girl also. I've sacrifices more than enough for him and his family. He has to accept the reality that he has a child here.

I understand Hafsa would be hurt if all this comes to light. But I can't change the past. I can't undo my mistakes. She has to accept that her husband has another responsibility out her that he need to take up. He's needed in his child's life.

I've come to accept the fact that Saddam and I can never be together. Nayla is the only connection we have. I have to move on with my life. I've come to accept that he's not for me. He was never meant to be mine. I saw all the signs already but I was too blinded by love then but now , I've grown older..