Brute.

Fourteen

"I forgot how nice it is here," Hannah sighed as we walked out onto the dock.

"I know, we haven't been here since school started."

Hannah and I both dove off of the dock and into the lake. It was a small lake, a private lake. It's our spot. Hannah and I built a small raft when we were in middle school and it stays out in the lake all year. This is our place and we've always loved coming here. It's quiet and peaceful. We swam around for a little while, before just floating instead.

"I want to have fun," Hannah sighed, "I was with Andrew for so long, I want to have some fun. Be a teenager, make really dumb choices."

"I'm down for dumb choices and fun, I never do that," I agreed.

"I know you don't, you're boring and serious," Hannah laughed, "let's go to a party."

"A party?" I asked, "it's Sunday. What party are we going to go to tonight?"

"Not tonight. Next weekend, I know someone at ECU and I'm sure he can get us in to a party."

"Sounds fun to me," I agreed.

"It's about time you learned to live a little," Hannah laughed.

"I no longer have anything to lose."

Hannah and I climbed onto the raft that was floating in the middle of the lake and laid in the sun. The sun was warm, comforting. A blanket over my wet skin that calmed my thoughts and put me at ease. I liked being in the sun, and I liked being able to swim here. I normally can't swim in bodies of water. I am severely allergic to fish and shellfish, and I'm allergic to epinephrine. Epinephrine is what's in an EpiPen, but I can't use them, so I always stay away from everything that even runs a small chance of causing an allergic reaction for me. Mr. Hallow helped us test this lake for any fish when we found it, and we test it every year just to make sure.

"Tell me about Jimmy," Hannah smiled at me.

"What about Jimmy?"

"Well, you were talking to him for a while before he decided to be a jerk, what did you learn about him? What made you interested in him?" Hannah asked.

"I don't know exactly; he was just different. Even though he didn't really understand me or my life, he seemed genuinely interested. We would talk about school and my plans and why I want to study neuroscience. And he told me about YouTube and why he does it and how he got started and the creative process and that stuff. We'd talk about just about everything. I don't know. I guess I started to like him because it felt normal. It didn't feel like I would have to fall all over myself to get him to have a conversation with me. He clearly didn't like me back, but it felt natural," I explained, "I don't know."

"Myra, that's what I've always wanted for you. It's supposed to be natural."

"Supposed to be, but it was all in my head. It was nice while it lasted though," I admit, "Chandler sure got a real kick out of it too."

"Chandler doesn't know anything about anything, he has no room to talk," Hannah scoffed, "He should have looked out for you and told you that Jimmy wasn't interested before you got hurt."

"Unless he wanted me to get hurt," I sighed, "Chandler has always been so invasively protective that maybe he wanted me to get hurt so I would make the decision to stay away from Jimmy."

"Jimmy is a good guy, from what I know. I find it hard to believe that he just wasn't interested, there has to be another thing happening there."

"I don't think it's far-fetched for him not to be interested in me, I just wish I would've found out differently," I sighed.

"I know, but if it makes you feel any better, I always thought Jimmy was into you from the way he looked at you," Hannah smiled at me.

"I was just blinded by my hope that he'd like me back," I laughed.

"Would you give it another chance if you had the option?" Hannah asked.

"There is no option, but if there were I don't know what I'd do. I don't want to be hurt, and to set myself back up for it would be idiotic. I get hurt every day at home. The last thing I will do is let myself get hurt in such a juvenile way."

"Letting yourself be eighteen isn't juvenile, Myra."

"No, it's insane. Why would I do the same thing twice and expect a different result?"

"You're such a pain in the ass," Hannah laughed.

"But I'm right."