Tailored Hats, Cats and White Rabbits Original

5// "If You Don't Think Then You Shouldn't Talk"

5// “If You Don’t Think Then You Shouldn’t Talk”

After a very uncomfortable appointment with Doctor Stines that followed breakfast I headed to therapy session. I saw Jaxon and James walk into the room having a very heated discussion about why Stark Trek: The Next Generation was better than Stark Trek: Deep Space Nine. Blondie and Cherry soon followed and I headed in after them already wanting to run away. Therapy session was so tedious and it just made me nervous about my depression. I sat next to Blondie who was yet again slouching in her chair like she literally couldn’t care less. Cherry was sitting beside Blondie wearing all red today, I wonder if she even had colour coded underwear.

My shameful thoughts were interrupted by Alisa who strolled into the room, causing the place to go quiet. Everyone seemed to fear Alisa to some degree, whether out of sheer terror or respect it was hard to tell. Alisa took a seat on the opposite side of the circle, dressed in a black skirt that reached the middle of her thighs and a loose fitting white shirt that showed a lacy black bra underneath. I suppressed a moan as she sat on her legs, the skirt rising up on her smooth legs.

Our group therapist Hillary walked into the room with her sickly sweet smile that always made me want to puke. Today she was wearing a charity organisation shirt today the charity was different again. In the few weeks that I had been here she hadn’t worn the same shirt twice. Her mousy brown hair was tied in a braid and she had large hipster glasses balanced on her large nose.  She sat down and waited for everyone to cease their chatter before she began the session.
“Okay good morning everyone” she smiled and looked around at everyone trying to make eye contact. As per usual I didn’t look up from my feet that were crossed at the ankle before me.

“So we’ll begin by going around the circle and introducing ourselves” she said and the girl to her left started. We did this every single session, as though we had all lost our memory in the past twenty four hours. Hillary’s voice was so shrill and happy go-lucky it made me want to kill myself even more.

On the outside of the institute Mom had suggested that I go to psychologists and therapists and try to work out what was causing me to become so deeply depressed. I had gone to numerous places that all said the same thing ‘you’re not alone’. Lies…all lies. Of course I was alone. Sure other people had depression and they felt the same way. But they hadn’t gone through what I had gone through. I was alone.

Memories of when he died flashed back to my memory. He was a good man. I clenched my fists and sat up straightly in my seat. Beside me Blondie turned to me acknowledging the fact that I getting uncomfortable. I pushed the memories to the back of my mind, somewhere deep and hidden. That was one thing that I don’t regret learning from all of those psychology sessions, suppressing the painful memories that had once threatened to consume me entirely.

It was now Alisa’s go to introduce herself and her…condition. I felt Blondie’s hand touch my arm slightly, silently asking if I was okay. I turned to her and gave her a weak smile. I looked away and to Alisa who had her gaze pinned directly to me, her eyes shifted down to my arm where Blondie had touched it. Something that might have resembled anger on a normal person flashed across her face.
“Alice?” Hillary asked again, her professional smile never faltering. Everyone was now accustom to calling the schizophrenia girl Alice, otherwise she would have a mental breakdown and order a beheading, scream her strange language at them and grit her teeth. There was no use trying to wean her off the adopted name, it was a huge step in her recovery. If she would ever recover…

Alisa finally spoke, however she never looked away from me, almost like everyone else in the room was non-existent and she was just having a conversation with me.
“I am Alice. I am a prisoner in The Red Queen’s dungeons. I am not crazy” her brow lowered till she almost looked like she was frowning at me. A wave of murmurs came from the other patients all debating with each other about how she, of all of them, was potentially the most crazy.
“We’re here for you Alice” we all mumbled in unison. I however remained silent and just kept staring intently at Alisa just as intensely as she did at me.