SAVE ME

Ch.22

1 month later
I never went to see King that day after I dropped the ashes off at Elijah house. I just couldn't go sit in his face just to tell him that I had to end us. I originally had planned to have lunch with King to let him know I'm okay and to let him know everything that happened but I couldn't I didn't have enough courage. I wanted to I really did but I knew what I was going to tell him. I want King to let me go as well and if it's meant to be we will come back to each other but I need time to myself. I need to focus on myself and I'm thankful for King trust me I wouldn't have made it that far without him but I can't hurt him anymore. See I think I'm not good enough for King he deserve someone who can love him much more than I can. He deserve someone who isn't torn and broken he deserve someone who could be there for him. And mentally I'm not there I'm just not I know King would have waited until I was ready or nurtured me into a better women. But I'm tired of people making me for them I want to make me for myself. I need to pick myself up and mend myself together. I need to learn how to be strong by myself I need to learn how to love myself. Because if I don't I would forever mess everything up I would always compare King to Elijah and I don't want to. If I don't do these things by myself I'll never be women enough for King. And I hope he can understand I hope he knows I truly do love him. But I had to go I had to find my way myself. King is a very good man and he knows how to take care of a women he knows how to be there for someone. But I didn't want to be the girl he saved and felt bad for I want to me a women he sees as strong and was able to get her self together and love him properly. I just hope he understand. I decided to write him a letter and hopefully he will reply because I want to block everyone out until I'm better. And when I'm good and ready I'll be back If he gone then he gone and I will just have to move on.

*****
Dear King,
I just want to start by saying I'm sorry for standing you up I know we was was suppose to have lunch but I couldn't see you. I have my own issues and I'm tired of making my issues your issues you don't deserve that. I just want to say thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me when no one else did. Thank you for being by my side and never leaving me. Thank you for saving me and helping me with my baby every thing you did small or large thank you. Honestly if I didn't have you I probably wouldn't have made it that far. I'm sorry I'm sorry for leaving like I did but no one understands the pain and hurt that I went through no one. I had a still born King and honestly it broke me down I'm at my lowest and I know you want to be here for me but it's best your not. I left I moved far far away I couldn't be in New York anymore. So many bad memories there that I don't want to remember right now. Of course I have happy memories with you but nothing seems to make me happy right now. The only thing that would make me happy is my son coming back. And I know you did everything to keep me safe but we both know Elijah would have just messed us up eventually. I know they say everything happens for a reason but why me why my son had to die. I will never understand why I always has to get my heart broken. Even though none of it your fault I just thought it would be better if we broke up. I need to get myself together first and hopefully you can understand. But I understand if you don't want to wait I understand if you want to move on. You deserve someone who can fully love you and right now I can't because I don't even love myself. I'm in love with you trust me and I wish we could have lived a happy life but right now isn't the time. I appreciate all the love and care you gave me but it's time I be a big girl and help my self it's time I be my own shoulder to lean on. I hope you find love and happiness even if it's not me.
I love you and I love Princess ❤️
Love Nyla.
P.S. I got a chain made for you it has Isaiah ashes in it.

I balled the letter Nyla sent me up and threw it in the trash. She broke my heart she left me dry she waited a whole month to write me a fucking letter like we in high school or some shit. She knew I love her she knew she meant everything to me. Why why she had to leave and she didn't just leave me she left my daughter who got attached to her as well. But like they say everything happens for a reason and maybe we weren't meant to be but one think I know I will not wait for Nyla. I can't keep waiting until she ready to love and I'm out here giving my whole heart to her. She lost her chance with me we can be friends if she want to I don't hate her. But I can't be in love with someone who don't want to be in love with me.