Zara's Wolf (Book 1 of the Zara's Wolf Trilogy) BWWM

26. Rejection

I can't sleep.

Even with Evan sleeping beside me, the steady rhythm of his breathing in my ear, which should have comforted me enough to lull me to dreamland, held no peace. My mind is racing, my heart clenching, as the silent screams of terror seize my consciousness and I can't shake it from me.

As I lie there in the dark, I wish my mama was there to tell me everything is just some bad dream that I will wake up from. How is this real? How is this happening to me? I can't be a shifter like them. It's not possible. Mama's not a shifter, is she?

I don't want to hear it from anyone else. I want to hear it from her, but she's not here and can't tell me anything. Does she even know? No, she'd tell me, wouldn't she?

The darkness in the room slowly lifts with the rising of the sun. I slip out of the bed and tiptoe to the front door of the cabin, where I sit down on the top step of the porch and stare at the heavens, watching the stars fade as the sky lightens. With the sun peeking over the tip of a mountain in the east, I hear a rustle of movement behind me.

"There you are," Evan says as he steps out of the cabin and sits down next to me. "I was wondering where you were."

In my hand is a twig I found next to the steps of the porch. With each passing minute that I sat there, I slowly began to peel away the bark. My eyes are downcast on the twig as he settles in next to me. I can feel him studying me, and I can't bring myself to look at him. I know he'll be able to read me like an open book. I don't need a mirror to tell me that I look terrible. I feel terrible-rotten even. Looking at Evan would just make me feel worse.

He brushes a dreadlock behind my ear so he can take a better look at my face. "You okay?"

I don't trust myself to lie, so I just shake my head slowly. I don't want to admit that I'm scared, so I hold my tongue and chew on my bottom lip. My nails continue to pick away at the twig, peeling the last strip of bark from its surface.

He reaches over and touches my cheek, turning my face toward him. I overt my gaze, afraid that my eyes will betray me.

"What's wrong?"

When I say nothing and won't even look at him, he sighs. "Zara, talk to me. Please."

I hesitate. "What is there to say?"

"How about you start with what's eating you?"

I purse my lips and shake my head. I can't do it. I can't tell him that I don't want to be one of them, or that I just want to go back home and forget this whole thing ever happened. What would he say? "I don't want to go there."

He pulls away and I can't help but cringe when I hear a low growl rumble from his throat. He gets to his feet and goes back into the cabin without another word.

My heart thuds against my ribs. Why is he upset?

I close my eyes and exhale the breath I had been holding. I don't know why he's suddenly angry, but I'll let him be angry. I have enough on my mind that I don't need him taking up space as well.

If he thinks it's that easy to accept being a shifter, then he's got rocks in his head! I can't just accept it and pretend like it's no big deal. This changes everything. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know who I can talk to about this, or who I can trust with this secret. I don't know if my parents know, and if they did, why they didn't fill me in on it in the first place. I don't know two things about surviving in the wilderness. I don't know how I got out here. I don't know why I can't remember anything.

I don't know anything!

I hate feeling so pathetic, but that's the only way I can describe it. I am pathetic. I'm weak, frustrated, and incredibly confused. What does he expect from me?