Zara's Wolf (Book 1 of the Zara's Wolf Trilogy) BWWM

20. Denial

Too mentally and physically exhausted, I resign myself to sitting on the ground by the campfire. Evan sits behind me and wraps his arms around me in a gesture of comfort and support.

I don’t want any of it, but I’m too tired to argue. Powerlessness is the most constricting of pythons, and my brush with it a second time in my life is not at all exhilarating. Him being so close also has me fighting with myself and the inner force that nearly ripped me apart moments ago. It’s the strangest thing. Like a fire burning within, sometimes it is low and warm, but then it will momentarily flare up and make me cringe in pain.

Alicia is skinning and gutting the deer a few yards behind me, showing Emily how it’s done, while the other two guys, sit around the campfire, talking and joking around. I watch the pair of males, examining their casual movements through the flicker of the fire’s flames.

The blond guy, I overhear, is named Keith. He must be Alicia’s brother because he supports the same tousled hair color, and nearly identical eyes, although his are more of a brown shade of hazel.

The darker guy, Rick, looks like he’s Native American, with short cropped dark brown hair. His eyes are a darker shade of brown, nearly black, and they’re consistently glancing over at Alicia with hints of affection. Clearly, those two are an item.

Both of these guys are ripped. I mean, solid muscle throughout their backs, chest, arms and legs… Jesus. It’s enough to make any girl salivate.

And, of course, they’re sitting on the other side of the campfire with just a pair of shorts on.

Then there’s this guy sitting behind me. Talk about being a mirror image of myself practically. Evan’s not particularly tall, is lean as opposed to ripped, but at least he’s toned. His frame, though, isn’t big and broad like the other two. He looks like a beanpole next to those two, but compared to guys I’ve seen around Portland, he would still be considered eye candy. He is just a very slender version of the other two. His arms and legs look only slightly built, but when he flexes, I can see the thick sinewy muscles hiding beneath the surface.

Can’t say my arms and legs look like that when I flex them. Alicia has muscles like Evan, and in addition to her perfect body and attractive face, it’s hard for me not to feel self-conscious. I wonder briefly if Evan ever feels this way next to Keith and Rick?

“How ya feeling?” Evan asks in my ear. “Your temperature has lowered to a normal level.”

I try not to shudder from his breath against my neck. Despite being angry, hurt, and confused by him, my body still responds strongly to him in a way I don’t understand, and I don’t want to understand.

There’s something wrong with me; I know this now. Maybe it has something to do with how I came to be out in the middle of the forest so far away from home?

“Fine,” I shoot back rather briskly.

Guilt washes over me as he flinches. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I rest my chin on top and exhale audible. “Sorry.”

He brushes my dreadlocks to the side. “It’s okay. I know this must be hard.”

I close my eyes, trying to slow the beating of my heart by focusing on my breathing. Why does he have this affect on me?

“What… What are you?” I ask, finally able to form the words and spit them out.

“We’re all the same here.”

I roll my eyes at him, even though I know he can’t see me. “And what are we?”

“We’re wolf-shifters.”