A Firefighter's Baby

Chapter Seventeen

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Jamie's room is on the side

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“Please, Forgive me.” I looked up as he opened his eyes.

“I’m not sure if I can yet.” I sighed. “What you did hurt so much, Kellan. I need time.” He nodded taking a deep breath. I put my hands to his smooth chest running my fingers over the tattoo on his left pectoralis muscle, right over his heart. “I love you so much, Kellan.” I shook my head. “We both need a break.” I ran my hand over his cheek.

“I screwed up. Please.” I bit my lip.

“I think we both just need to think for ourselves right now. We should just take a break from each other, just for a little bit.” He closed his eyes.

“I love you.” I took a shaky breath. All I ever wanted was for this man to tell me he loves me. But now it felt like a plea.

“You need to prove to me you do.” I wiped the tear away as it fell. “It will be for a little while. Not forever.”

“I really screwed up this time. I’m so sorry, Charlie.” I rubbed his cheek.

“I know.”

“It’s not going to make you take me back though is it?” I ran my fingers through his hair knowing this could be the last time I ever do it.

“For right now, it isn’t the best idea.” He nodded.

“I lost you.”

“You need to prove to me that you changed. Be a good Daddy, Kellan. We’ll get through his.” I leaned my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me holding me close to him.

“If that’s what I need to do to make it up to you, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything to make it up to you, Charlie.” He kissed my head holding me tighter. I took a deep breath breathing in his scent. “Let’s go put her nursery together.” I whispered as he breathed in my hair.

“Alright. Come on.” He let me go. We both walked up stairs to Jamie’s room and started to put the furniture together. I let Kellan do the heavy lifting and putting the metal of the crib together as I put the screws in. The dresser and changing table were ready to go. The nightstand was nestled into the corner. I got all the sheets on to the mattress as Kellan was hanging up decorations.

“I love this.” I smiled at it as he finished hanging up the curtains. “It’s beautiful.” Kellan looked over at me as I closed the draw to the dresser. I only took half of Jamie’s clothes knowing that she will still be coming over here a lot.

“You did well.” He smiled at me as I ran a hand through my hair. “It’s the perfect nursery.” I smiled before sighing.

“We have to talk visitation.” His face dropped. I didn’t want to bring it up but I knew I have to. “I don’t want to take her away from you. Please understand that.” He ran a hand over his face.

“I know. I know you could never do that.” I smiled weakly at him.

“You want her tomorrow? I can drop her off for the night.” He nodded.

“We can work around work. You know you can still stay here. You can live in the spare room. If you don’t like that, I have another room over the garage that has a study attached to it.” I shook my head.

“I think it’s better if I find an apartment. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay.” He took a calming deep breath.

“I’ll give you money.” I shook my head. “For Jamie. So you can take care of her without a worry.”