Momentum (Completed)

Chapter Forty One: The Gift

(Lyra)

I don't know what was causing it, but I was starting to feel... better. Every day seemed to get easier and more bearable. I found myself crying a lot less. It was if time was indeed healing my wounds, as if I was learning how to cope without my Animus. A few months ago, I would have found that idea insane. Maybe a bit laughable, but since I wasn't capable of forcing myself to smile, let alone laugh, I'd go with insane.

On this particular day, Felix and I had been walking around camp; he didn't like just sitting with me in my bedroom all day. I appreciated it since I knew nobody else would ever do that. Nephele cared, but she didn't care that much, and as for Lexio, I knew part of his problem is he didn't like seeing me in a bad state... In a way, I understood. At the moment, the day was coming to a close, and Felix wanted to sit up in a tree and watch the sunset with me. It wasn't until after the sun was gone and the stars came out that we started talking.

"Beautiful night, isn't it?" said Felix, gazing up at the sky.

"It is," I agreed, following his eyes. "I'm surprised more people aren't out here. It sure beats being inside." I saw him glance over at me, probably surprised I'd said more than four words.

"I certainly think so," he replied, "but when you're ready to go back, we can."

"I don't want to go back," I muttered, leaning against his shoulder. He paused for a moment, quite unsure of how to react before slowly putting his arm behind me, making sure that it was hovering just above my skin. "I'm enjoying a little fresh air."

"I'm glad," he said. "Maybe we could do this a little more often?" Then, deciding he may have been too forceful changed his sentence. "I mean, if you want." I gave him a small smile.

"Felix, I think you're the only one who really cares about what I want." Much to my surprise, he didn't smile back, but he still remained calm.

"No Lyra, I'm not the only one."

"You sure seem like the only one," I muttered.

"Nephele?" he asked. "What about her?" I wouldn't say it to Felix, but I did question how much she really cared about me... I wondered if she just felt guilty about her mother, and snapping at me; maybe that was why she tried to watch out for me.

"Mostly," I finally said, "but she's had her moments." Felix raised an eyebrow and, although I'm sure he wanted to argue the point, he chose not to.

"Okay, Lyra." I knew my biggest grudge against Nephele at the moment was just because of her appearance, which wasn't really her fault, but I couldn't help it; it was impossible to not see the similarities between her and her mother. "But remember what she's done for you," he reminded me. "She saved you."

"I never really wanted to be saved," I said quietly. In response to that, Felix took his arm away from me completely and when he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper.

"Don't you think I knew that? You reminded me of it enough times." There was a pause. "I don't hold that against you, though. I would have been the same."

"I'm grateful for that," I told him, " even though I know it doesn't always seem that way." Felix took a deep breath before speaking to me again.

"You don't hate Nephele, do you? It's not her fault her mother did...well, it's not her fault." I felt a little guilty when he asked me that.

"I try not to, Felix," I sighed, "but she looks just like her... Every time I see Nephele, it's like I'm looking at her mother."

"I understand," he said, "but she does care about you, regardless of what she pretends to feel."