To Be A Leader

Chapter 4: Am I Supposed To Apologize?

"Raise the gates!"

The loud, repetitive noise as the gates raise is welcoming. Annoying, but welcoming nonetheless. Paula drives us on through, and as soon as the car comes to a stop, I open the door and slide out, dropping my backpack off before walking into the medical tent where Maxine waits.

I don't utter a single word as I go inside the tent. I simply strip and let Maxine examine me, not making eye contact. She doesn't speak. She knows better than to try and make conversation when I'm like this, shaking with.... what? Rage? Hurt? Shock? Maybe it's a mixture of all three.

She finds no sign of infection, like I knew she would, and I put on my sweaty clothes and exit without a word.

Peter is waiting for me. I don't meet his eye.

"Five..." He mutters, looking pained. I don't say anything.

I head for the track.

Even after running and running, even though it's two o'clock in the morning, pitch black outside, the clouds covering up the moon and stars like a black blanket engulfing the town-even with all that, I want to run. I need to run. It's the only way I can cope with this.

Simon's alive.

All this time he's been alive. And he's been here, with us, with me for over a year and I didn't even know it.

He's alive.

"Callista!" Peter-no, Simon yells. I don't look at him. I can't. I can't think. I can barely breathe. It feels like my entire world is collapsing in on itself, because I thought he was dead. I thought Simon was gone, and he's not. He's been here, all this time. My best friend-he...

He's Simon.

I make it to the track, but he's still following after me. I start to run, but he's behind me. I only get in a few pounding steps before he grabs my wrist, trying to pull me back, stop me.

"Callista, wait just a minute, pl-"

"How could you?" I scream, whirling around to face him, pulling my wrist from his grasp. My eyes burn as tears threaten to fall. He looks at me with surprise, his blue eyes going wide at the distraught look on my face. "How could you not tell me?"

He opens his mouth to speak, but I don't give him the chance.

"No! Don't give me your excuses, Peter, or Simon or whoever you..." I trail off. "Oh, my God. Simon, Peter." I scream through clenched teeth and tug at my hair. "How could I have been so stupid? How could I have not seen it? I'm a freaking Christian!"

"You're not stupid-"

"How long has everyone else known? No one else was surprised! Milo was trying to keep it a secret from me. Jaime knew almost immediately!" I glare at him, tears falling freely now. "How long? I should've-there were signs! Looking back, I... Why was I the only one that didn't know?"

"Because I asked them not to tell you," He responds, his back stiff. His words, while not harsh, make me flinch.

"Why?" I ask, heartbroken. I clench my fists as anger masks the pain, making me bear my teeth. "Why would you want me to not know who you are? Do you not-do you not know how much I missed you? I mourned for you! I grieved for you!"

"I know!" He yells, glaring at me. "You told me. You told about the nightmares and the people that have died and you still feel guilty because you couldn't save them. You told me about how you wished you could have convinced me to let you die in my place! For God's sake, you stopped talking for months after I 'died'. The guilt nearly ate me alive."