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Chapter 34

Brandon and I hugged while I sobbed. My guilt finally blew up and oozed all over the place, as I tried to apologize to not only Brandon, but to everybody I had fucked over. We sat on my bed and he patted my back in an effort to try and comfort me.

"I'm sorry Brandon. I shouldn't have ever treated you this way." I choked out after what felt like years of crying. "I'm a horrible person. I hurt everybody."

Brandon pulled away from me and shook his head. He grabbed my hands and gave them a slight squeeze. "Maya. I'm not much better. Remember with Natalie?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't make what I've done better! I pulled you into a world of bad."

The tears started falling again. I put my head down in shame and gave in to the pain. I started to sob again as we sat there in silence and as I tried to make sense of everything that had led up to this point in my life. How could I fix this mess I made? Undo the pain I've caused?

"Maya, I'll figure this out. We'll figure this out."

I picked up my head and looked at him through blurry, wet eyes. "This is my mess Brandon. I need to own up to my mistakes."

Brandon frowned. "I didn't mean to do what I did with Natalie. It just sort of...happened."

Nausea filled my stomach and I shook my head. I wanted to know the whole story, but I couldn't face hearing it now. Right now, I needed to go talk with Talie and clear the air.

I jumped up from my bed and pushed open my bedroom door. I took a deep breath and started shouting for Natalie. By the time I made it into the kitchen, I was sobbing again. She set her plate on the kitchen island and ran over to me. She wrapped her arms around me as I fell apart in her arms. I couldn't stop saying how sorry I was and how much I had fucked up.

The tears eventually stopped falling and I took a few deep breaths.

"Brett found me at the hotel the night that I went to visit you. He followed me while I want to the hotel shop and pushed me up against a door. A door that was actually to Brandon's room. I shouldn't have lied. I should have told you the truth and had gone to the police." I said, as she hugged me tightly.

"Oh Maya!" Natalie cried. I pulled away and saw tears start to fall down her cheeks. She pushed some hair from her face.

"I didn't want to worry you or burden you. I didn't want to seem weak," I continued. "I wanted to handle this all myself and not have everything boil over the way it did the first time with Brett. But I wasn't strong enough and all I could do was lie and keep getting high. I've snuck around with him for weeks even though he-"

I couldn't finish my sentence. Even though I knew what needed to be said, the word couldn't roll across my tongue. Natalie cried even harder as the words registered with her.

"I should have been a better friend," Talie squeaked. "I should have noticed all the signs, but I was too fucking selfish. I cared more about my own issues. Charlie and I should have stepped in the moment we grew suspicious but we didn't know what to do."

She wiped her eyes and looked up at me. "I'm sorry for failing you Maya. I'm sorry for kissing Brandon. I was mad...we were mad at you. For the way you were treating all of us, but it doesn't make it right. On either side."

I closed my eyes and felt the nausea rise up into my windpipe. I squeezed my hands as tight as I could manage as that night flooded through my mind and as everything else flashed like lightening across the backs of my eyelids.

How could I have been so stupid? How could I have not realized or cared about the hurt I caused everyone?

I opened my eyes and nodded slowly. I focused on Natalie who had big black bags under her eyes - something I had never noticed before. I was certainly the cause of it.

"I'm a horrible person and I understand if you all hate me," I said. "I understand if you can't find it in your hearts to forgive me."

I looked from Natalie to Brandon and to the rest of the Vegas boys - who all had sad looks smeared across their faces. I focused my eyes back on Brandon.

"I pushed you away," I gulped. "I was too scared to let you in and now that I have...it's too late. You deserve better than me."

Brandon and the rest of the room stayed quiet as we stood there staring at each other. I wiped more wetness from my eyes and took a deep breath. I nodded at Brandon and turned on my heels.

I started down the hallway when Brandon spoke up.

"Maya, I forgive you."

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around. He stared at me with a small, yet sincere smile. My stomach twisted as I tried to make sense of his words.

"It doesn't make any of our wrongs right, but I'm willing to forgive you. I want to see you heal and get help. I'd like to be by your side through every step of this new journey."

My mouth dried as his words danced around me. I couldn't move from my spot on the floor and I couldn't look away from him.

"Since that night we walked through Boston together, I just knew...I think I even knew from the night at the hotel..." Brandon's voice trailed off. "I knew you were a hard egg to crack and then when we walked through Boston and all those nights we talked...something was there."

"I know it doesn't make much sense. How I could forgive you, how I could know...I know it sounds crazy." He sighed. "How I could know that I-"

I cut Brandon off by running down the hallway and planting my lips on his in front of everybody. Adrenaline pumped through my body as our lips touched and I kissed him with everything I had in me.

He kissed me back and the kiss grew deeper as the crowd around us watched. Time seemed to slow down as our lips moved and his tongue slipped into my mouth just as it had done the night before. Butterflies and fireworks erupted as he wrapped his arms around me.

As fast as it seemed to began, we pulled away, both of us breathless. His eyes glittered as we stared at each other, our noses touching.

"I love you Brandon Flowers." I said.