You Got It Bad

Recap

Crystal lays down my bed and giggles in a girly voice, “Oh, Damion…no, not my goodies! Don’t touch me there!” Brittany burst out laughing, sitting in the middle of my bed criss cross apple sauce style. I lie against my head board and grin. “Stop being ignorant!” I scream playfully. They both laugh hysterically and I just smile in exasperation.

Brittany stops laughing suddenly and glances at me. “So you guys are…together now, right? Because I’m a little bit confused right now.” Crystal sits up and nods her head in agreement. “Yeah, I’m a little lost. He took your v-card, didn’t call you or communicate with you for a year-” I interrupt her, “Two weeks, where’d you get a year from?” She shakes her head and waves her finger at me. “No sweetie, it might as well have been a year.” Brittany nods and shrugs her shoulders. “True, true.”

I sigh. I had known Crystal since freshmen year of high school and on the first day we hit it off immediately, continuing to stay friends all throughout the years. I had met Brittany my senior year of college, her quirky spontaneous attitude started our friendship.

I watch as she and Brittany talk animatedly about my love life.

I shake my head, “Okay, okay I get it! Continue with what you were saying.” They both looked at me. “Well, as I was saying before you interrupted me, He didn’t contact you for some weeks, suddenly shows up apologizing, ya’ll make kissy faces, go on some dates then you suddenly develop some back bone and get some…Out of all of this, I haven’t heard you say you were his girl friend or that he was your boy friend…So, please elaborate.”

I began to chew my bottom lip nervously. I couldn’t elaborate…because I just didn’t have the answer. He hadn’t suggested it or said I was his girl friend. I didn’t really know how to put a name on what we were. Were we friends with benefits? Was he my boyfriend? Were we even in a relationship at all? The questions were pilling themselves up around my brain, suffocating my thoughts. “I don’t know.” That’s all I could say. All I could think of to say; no other answer seemed more fitting.

They both looked at me with raised eyebrows and confused expressions.

“What do you mean…I don’t know? Ask him what you are to him.” Brittany says. I look over at her and shake my head. “No…”

Crystal smacks her lips with an attitude. “Um…do you want to know or not?” I chew on my lip again, anxious. Did I want to know?  I sigh, “I don’t want to know…because what if he doesn’t see us as anything?” They look at each other and sigh. Brittany smiles at me, “The way he kissed you when he left, says otherwise. Maybe he loves you too.” I looked at her and smiled so hard I could feel my cheeks start to hurt.

“I never said I loved him.” I whispered. Crystal flicked her tongue against her teeth making a popping noise. “Girl, please, I’ve known you since freshmen year of high school and there was only one guy you ever found interesting then and all through college you ignored every man who tried to talk to you. But suddenly the one guy you ever paid attention shows up and you have heart palpitations! It’s obvious that you love him.”

I laugh. Was I really that obvious? Was I so transparent that everyone could tell how I was feeling from a glance?

I played with my hands silently. “Fine, I love him. So sue me for not being able to think of anyone but him. He’s been on my mind since I was fifteen. I’m stuck…” We all sigh together before plopping down onto my bed in unison. “Danielle, did it hurt for you the first time?” Brittany asks.

I nod my head vigorously, “Hell, yes! It did not feel good!” Crystal laughed, gasping for breathe. Brittany sat up, looking down at me.

“It didn’t hurt when I lost mine. I didn’t really feel anything.” She shrugged. Crystal tucked her hands beneath her head, “That’s because you know you ain’t got no walls…” I laughed and Brittany protested, smacking Crystal on her arm. “Don’t play with me Crystal! I got more than you’ll ever have.” Crystal sat up and smirked. “You mad…or-” she flicked her tongue making a clicking sound again, “Naw?”

Brittany tried not to laugh but eventually she fell onto her back laughing, unable to contain herself. I joined her, loving the fact that we could be playful together.

Crystal chuckled, “But seriously, when I lost my virginity, it hurt but I enjoyed it. I lost it to someone that I loved at the time so…it was all good.” I sat up, “Awe, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” She laughed.

“Whatever, Danielle, just be careful okay? I don’t want you to get hurt. I know you love him and everything but it’s best to protect your heart.” I smiled, opening my arms wide. “You love me don’t you, butt head?” She glared at me.

“Don’t call me that. What you holding your arms open for? What do you want?” I laughed, “I want a hug, silly!” She smiled before falling into my embrace and squeezing me. Brittany cleared her throat, “Um…excuse me? I don’t get a hug?” Crystal and I both laughed before making room for her.

As I hugged them, I whispered, “I’ll be as careful as my heart will allow me to be.”