Thoughts of You and More

I Admit

When one asks

That I be loyal

It must seem as though

It was my betrayal

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When one asks

That I be honest

My heart aches;

Protests in dischorus

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See, I've been hurt

Some time in the past

Buried in the hearth;

The ashes of my heart

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All this while

I put on a mask

Laugh and smile

The never-ending dusk

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Holding on to the lights dying

Even with the dark pressing in

Ever-present gloom, ever-depressing

But I refused to give in

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And so I had lived so precariously

Refusing to fall prey to self-pity

After all, I, but one of many

Who've taken a fall; a jump gone awry

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"Do not keep things bottled up"

It's what often told and heard

The irony's in the hypocrisy-

I've never really written a word

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And so I'm here

Writing the words

I've so long neglected-

Dedicated to the hurt

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I realize my heart needs acknowledgement,

That hiding forever isn't an option;

I need to finally end this predicament

To be set free from fear's imprisonment

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And I admit..I was naïve

Ignored my mind..chose to believe

And I admit..I saw it coming

Expected betrayal to be forthcoming

And I admit..I wasn't oblivious

I was all too aware they were excuses

And I admit..I wasn't wise

Had let my heart be compromised

And I admit..I was stupid

Had given history chances to repeat

And I admit..I was wrong

Should have cut losses before it dragged on

... ...

Would this be another mistake?

Another cut?

Another blow my heart's to take?

A bigger scar waiting to be made?

... ...

One asks..that I tell

When my heart changes its course

And I thought..just as well

I can extract a similar promise of yours

Though perhaps..I don't want your word

For to keep my end would be absurd

"A change of heart?"..my heart asks

It laughs; knows it's stuck fast

"A change of heart"..my heart ponders

It fears that this is just a repetitive verse...

... ...

And I admit..I am afraid

Fear to be told..the key to the lock has changed

Even if so..you won't be blamed

You deserve better..a heart that isn't lame

I'm all too aware..I'm riddled with faults

Why else would he have left countless times..without so much as a second thought?

And I admit..I am in fear

There's no one else I've ever held so dear