It's a Mixed Thing (Original)

Chapter 23: New Starts

PART 2- REBORN

Yesenia:

2 WEEKS LATER

I lie in my bed curled up into a ball. My comforters comfortably wrapped around my cold body. Images of Helena dying right in front of me. Images of Maria and Hector dead in the living room. Nightmares about the girl who almost killed me. Tears clouded my eyes as I began to sob into my pillow. Everything has changed and for some reason I feel as if it's my fault. If I would've never bashed Jackie's head in and left her unconscious maybe everything would be okay. If I would've stood and helped Helena shoot then maybe she would be alive. I hate myself for what I did. I hate thinking about what ifs. I've been this way for six weeks and I just want the pain to go away.

My house wasn't too far from the shoot out. It was at least nine blocks away. All I remember is running. Going as fast as I could until I stumbled on my front porch. I was so frightened and out of breath. I could barely knock on the door as my hands rapidly shook. Papa had opened the door and I just broke down as he sat down next to me and cradled me in his arms. Getting blood on his clothes also.

"Yesi, calm down." He tried to snap me out of my alarmed state but I was traumatized. I couldn't stop sobbing and rubbing my arms harshly as if the blood would go away.

"Yesenia! Stop! Stop right now!" He yelled at me, gripping my arms and shaking me.

Flinching I stopped and snapped out of it. I clung on to his arms, "Papa I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've listened all these years. I've been trying so hard to do right but what's the use when they will always be there holding me back. Papa I want to get out. I want to get out."

"It's not that easy. What did...you do Yesenia?" He looked down at me. Wondering where all this blood had came from.

"Helena was shot. I tried to find where the bullet wound was and I couldn't. I watched her die. I watched her die, Papa."

Papa knew Helena. She use to come over all the time. Now she will never set foot in our house again.

"Come in. Let's get you cleaned up. We'll talk later."

I've stayed home ever since. I didn't bother going back to Elle's. Papa went over and got my stuff. Lasi didn't want to come home. I have changed and I am willing to do better. I don't need counseling anymore. All I need is my family.

Alejandro came over every so often that my parents weren't home. I wasn't ready for him to meet my family yet. It wasn't the right time but today I had no choice. The doorbell had rung and Serena said that a boy is at the door looking for me. I stopped calling Serena Mami because we had grown apart. There's barely any relationship between us. When she looks at me all she sees is regret and disappointment. When I look at her all I see is hatred. How can she treat me like this? Her own daughter.

I got out of bed. Looking over at Lasi's empty bed I didn't even miss her. I felt numb. I'm wearing red shorts and a white tank. I didn't bother looking in the mirror. I'm a mess. I don't know why Alejandro bothers coming over to see me. Especially when I'm like this. I'm thankful for it though. I need him the most.

Papa sat on the couch as usual with a cigarette in-between his fingers.

Serena stood by the door where Alejandro stood too. He didn't look nervous meeting my parents for the first time. He looked normal.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. As much as I love him I didn't want him over so early in the morning when my parents are usually home.

"I came to check up on you. You haven't been answering my calls for two days." He seemed upset.