A Spaceman

Chapter 6---Six months later...

I walk into Thorn's office unannounced and without giving him the proper greeting, but I'm not at all happy with him right now. I rarely am in fact beatific that he exists in general, however, today is a particularly trying one. Especially since today I was FINALLY cleared to fly again he goes and does this.

"How dare you?" I ask, folding my arms.

"Major Card we need to talk about how you enter a room, not particularly with me because I understand you but with other people specifically slamming the door like a five year old it's not very becoming it's against customs and courtesies you aren't in space anymore---" Thorn turns around in his seat preparing to return the salute I didn't throw. He lowers his hand wearily.

"Yes which piques me which is a part of what I need to talk to you about---"

"SIR, I do outrank you really, please, Major Card, I am busy right now can't you write me a memo with a profane acrostic in it and then we'll chat later?" Thorn asks, hopefully. He wants to eat his lunch which isn't going to happen now after this last stunt he's lucky it isn't already poisoned.

"Major Tom's new flight partner---and my new flight partner," I growl, trying to control my rage. "Why?"

"Your flight partner, Leavitt, was medically discharged," Thorn says, "And Tom's was on his last mission. Therefore you both were assigned new flight partners--- yes I'm following so far."

"Last time you promised she could be my gunner," I say, folding my arms.

"No, you said 'next time you have to assign Tom as my gunner' and I said 'no actually I don't' and I don't so I didn't," he says, "I'm sorry Titus, I'd accommodate your childish requests in the interest of promoting Kepler peace, I really would, except thing is she's far too good of a pilot just to be your gunner we're short on pilots as it is after the massacre of Alpha Centari which you both survived, I'm terribly short and I can't put a good pilot, one of our best, on simple gunner duties. And Riley is an excellent gunner and you like her if you actually like people you like her."

"It's not my flight partner it's Tom's gunner," I growl.

"What about him?" Thorn asks, innocently he knows damn well what he's done.

"He's younger than I am."

"I know."

"And better looking."

"I know."

"And his face isn't scarred by acid."

"I know."

"And he looks like he's better in bed than I am."

"I know----wait how can you even quantify something like that?"

"I have a chart some women helped me design it---I could find out if he actually is better in bed than I am though---do you know where Hansen is?"

"Titus, I'll stop you from doing that---"

"And he's charming and makes good conversation and he probably knows how to be nice to people," I plead.

"I know," Thorn says.

"And I can't kill him because his mother is Lt Col  Zigfield and she taught me how to fly which automatically gets her off my nearly all encompassing hit list and onto my actually tolerate existence list so I really really don't want to kill or maim him," I groan.

"I know," Thorn says, smiling evilly.

"Damn it---that is it, I will have you beheaded. I hadn't decided till now but I will. I will decapitate you," I sigh, pressing my hands against my head and closing my eyes.