A Spaceman

Chapter 2 --This is Ourselves

After the excitement of being insulted on our folding and tucking abilities, the rest of the day drags on. we are sorted into our flights, which should be quick because it is based off who we bunk near, but of course it is not quick in any loose military sense of the word. It is long and arduous and increasingly dull.

**

Inspections didn't go as badly as I thought they would. At least I did everything mostly right. I'm nearly immune to their taunts. After living with verbal abuse for years before my mother finally broke free I possess the unique talent to ignore most all verbal jabs, as well as to recognize toxic personalities. Speaking of toxic personalities I fear that boy that bunks with King is no good. I only know Logan King in passing, we were in the same district growing up and went to the same university on scholarships. He's not a bad sort just generally incompetent. I heard him being bashed rather badly this morning and I've seen the face of that boy who bunks above him, Card I think Ebbel was shouting, yes Card. His eyes remind me of my sister's, almost the exact same blue, which I hate because I love her and I suspect I will soon hate him. he didn't do poor Logan any good, and he's stuck up about something or other the way he talks and----I can just feel it. he's trouble. he's got the look of somebody waiting to kick a sleeping dog. I know that look too well to miss it even in passing. But stop. don't think of home, don't think of your past. Card isn't your problem. You are your problem just get you through this and you'll be fine and you can go home and have money and maybe we can have a better flat and Genny can go to university real university and not worry about scholarships all the time and you---you can be a Spaceman.

**

Inspections this morning were trying, at least we had a laugh with Titus, though. I don't mind him so much now, in fact I regret how harsh I was to him. but I suppose he deserved it. I look around at my other classmates. It'll be interesting to get to know them. the people I'll spend the rest of my life with, probably. Some of them. I wonder who? It's all interesting to me, in that I've been trained raised bred my whole life for this, just this, thought of before I came into being and now here I am acting it out. playing my part. well, I don't want to. not completely. I want to be me and be a kid and have fun and laugh like we did this morning. Just a little. Maybe we can. Maybe we can be sixteen year olds, together, see if we can have fun. We can if we help each other, I know the folding and the marching, and others have other strengths, if we work together this can be easy and we can have good times. For the first time, I begin to get excited about training.

**

After such a miserable morning I thought my day had to improve but I hasn't. they just keep yelling at us so much I have to tune it out. I'm trying to be like Titus he doesn't seem to mind he just stands there stone faced. I wish I could; maybe he learned in basic I hope so then maybe I'll learn. Tom said that now that we're in flights we'll get our SBUs with flight insignia sewn on. I'm excited about that. I can't wait to send a picture home of me in my SBUs to my mum. She's so proud of me. I just don't feel like I deserve it. there are so many of them that are so much better at all of it than me. and I don't want to pull our flight down and I feel like I do I already got Titus yelled at by that Ebbel person and Tom was cross with him as well when it wasn't his fault. he did show me how to do it. not very patiently or slowly but he doesn't do anything patiently or slowly nor does he expect it that's just him and I don't fault him for it. being him is why he is so good at this and being me is why I'm----not. But I am. even if I'm not the best, at all this, who said I had to be? I can be the best at computers, they're what I'm good at. And that's why I got chosen. And that's why I'll succeed. Because I am good at some things. Just not all but nobody's good at everything I'm sure Titus is bad at something I can't think of what but I'm sure he is. And in a few minutes, we get our uniforms that we are all worthy to wear. I smile a little just to think about it.