In a Hail of Bullets

Chapter 20

I'm very sorry for this.

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Gerard yawned and stretched out in bed like a cat. He was pretty sore and still tasted blood, but the sheets and the pillow he laid on were soft so he didn't need to open his eyes to know he was safe. When he stretched his arm to reach for Frank, nothing was there. Using the little bit of energy he had left, Gerard opened his eyes and was dumbfounded.

He was in his own bedroom at his dads house. Sitting up slightly and wincing a little in pain, he looked around. The room was a little dark but from the window he could tell it was daylight. There was a chair pulled up to the side of the bed but nobody was in it. He sat around, confused, before he heard soft footsteps approaching the bedroom.

Frank walked in, trying to keep quiet. He must have assumed Gerard was still asleep and didn't want to wake him. He made his way to the side of the bed and gently sat a glass of water down when he noticed Gerard was awake.

"Hey Gee ... I'm sorry I wasn't trying to wake you" he spoke softly, trying not to visibly wince at Gerard's injured face.

"You didn't" Gerard said in a raspy voice. "How long have I been asleep?" Frank sat down in the chair by the bed.

"Almost twenty hours. You must have been exhausted". They fell into a somewhat uncomfortable silence until Gerard spoke again.

"Why am I back here? Why did you take me back to your house?" Frank looked guilty.

"Your dad and I ... we decided it was best for you to be here to heal." Gerard nodded in understanding. Another tense silence fell on the couple. Frank seemed to distant, so scared even.

"What happened to Bert?" Gerard asked. Frank tried to bite back the smug grin threatening to show on his face.

"Bert has been ... dealt with. Don't worry about him" Frank replied curtly.

"He didn't ... um hurt me... in that way" Gerard felt compelled to say.

"I know" Frank said. "He said that over and over again".

"Will you please sit with me? Hold me?" Gerard asked, wanting to feel comforted by his lover.

"I think it's best if I stay over here, not exacerbate any of your injuries". Gerard didn't understand. Normally Frank was very physical and affectionate yet he wouldn't even get closer than a foot right now.

"Did you hear what I said to my father? I want to live with you" Gerard tried changing the subject.

"I heard, Gee" Frank said, running his fingers through his hair. He didn't share the smile or happiness that Gerard had, and Gerard's heart started to sink.

"What's wrong Frank?" Gerard asked softly, terrified of his response. After hesitating a few moments, Frank spoke up.

"Gerard, I love you with every part of me. But for the first 20 years of your life, your dad kept you safe. You're with me a week and you end up kidnapped twice."

"But I'm okay" Gerard tried to reason. "I'm okay".

"You are this time, Gee, but what if this happens again? What if I don't get there in time? I could never live with myself knowing you were hurt essentially because of me".

"But I walked out of the restaurant, I put myself in Bert's car, that wasn't your fault".

"You would have never been there to begin with had you not been kidnapped the first time. If I had made you go home right away. It is my fault, Gee" Frank spoke softly.

"Let's just try, let's try to work this through because I don't care if I'm kidnapped once a week for the rest of my life, I still love you" Gerard pleaded as his eyes filled with tears. Frank sighed heavily.

"Gerard I'm going to leave here in a few minutes ... but you won't be coming with me. I'm dangerous and only cause people pain. It's all I know how to do."

Gerard began to sob quietly at what Frank was saying. Frank tried to keep his composure, even though it was literally killing him.

"The last year has been the best year of my life and I'll always carry you in my heart. But that's because you're safe there. These last few days of me being worried sick had me realizing I can't have love in this life. It's not possible. I'm not ... I'm not strong enough to lose you so I have to let you go". Frank moved from the chair to the side of the bed to wipe Gerard's tears. "You're wonderful, and you're going to find an equally wonderful man that will love you and keep you safe and warm. He will be able to give you all the things that I can't. I've only brought you pain".

"B-b-but I don't want you to go, Frank please, I love you". Frank wanted to drop all his walls that he spent the last twenty hours building so he would be able to do this. But the bruises and busted lip on Gerard's face helped him hold strong.

"I love you Gee. Please take care of yourself" Frank said gently as he tucked a strand of hair behind Gerard's ear. With that he stood up and walked out, refusing to turn around and look one last time at the boy he loves with the worst injury he could inflict: a broken heart.

John stood in the entryway when Frank reached the bottom of the steps. They had discussed Frank breaking up with Gerard because John agreed that Frank was too dangerous. They also discussed that John truly didn't have any part in the theft of Frank's goods and that both John and Frank would penalize Ramon, the man responsible as soon as they found him.

The two exchanged no words, only one stiff handshake. A handshake that said everything they couldn't speak at that moment. Frank turned and walked out the front door towards his waiting car. A light rain had started and he thought it was very appropriate considering how dark his heart felt. But he honestly thought Gerard would be better off. He would only get hurt with Frank. As the car drove away, Frank promised himself one thing: focus on the family and the business.

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And with that, In a Hail of Bullets is done. I'm sorry about the shitty sad ending, but I always knew this would happen. The good news is that I have decided to write a sequel. I'm working diligently on it and I will post info about it soon. Love you babes 😍💕