she was untouchable.

19 | dancing in the dark.

authors note: i spent over a year struggling with the chapter and i'm not sure i'm entirely happy with it but i need to get it out. i'm sorry. this has been the hardest year of my life so please don't be to mad with me. I hope you like some parts. give me your thoughts. what do you thinks going to happen after this chapter? i don't know when it'll be out but i'll try my hardest.

"So why doesn't he like you?" I ask again prompting him. He rolls his eyes playfully.

"Moose and I were friends a while back... we were just a bunch of dumb kids and did some dumb stuff." He shrugs it off.

"Oh come on you can't leave it at that!" I prompt just a little more, encouraging with a small smile.

"Okay i'll tell you... on our next date." Zeke says confidently.

"Who says you get a second date?" I ask raising a brow.

"I just thought that uhh-" he scrambles for words.

"Okay i'll go on a second date don't badger me." I laugh.

He calms instantly, then looks at me curiously. "Your not doing that just to hear the story are you?" He asks.

"Promise." I say holding my pinky out.

"Promise?" He scoffs looking at my outstretched hand.

"Pinky promise." I smile prompting him to wrap his pinky around my gloved one.

"Okay now eat your dinner before it gets cold." He scolds.

We made conversation over dinner, crossing over subjects about how different our upbringings were, the future and other various subjects. He smiles and he laughs. It pulls at my heart. How can someone just come crashing into my life and mean so much. Never in my life have I thought so much about wanting to be normal. Wanting to be able to hold the people I care about and have them hold me. This was my first date. It felt natural. I liked that I could smile and laugh along with him. That he would listen and hear me and I to him. I look at him and adore how he makes me feel. He makes me feel down to earth yet that I can touch the stars. He makes me understand everything and yet wonder and feel clueless. He makes me feel like I can be loved and that I am able to love. And I hope I do. I hope I get the chance to love him. This boy sat across from me. I want to love him.

He asks me to dance when the night begins to darken. Couples become quiet with there eyes screaming of love and affection. We join some on the dance floor.

We stand closer than ever before, my gloves hands around his neck and his holding my waist. We swing to the soft beat of the music, just on the outskirts of the dance floor, just away from the other dancers.

"Hey..." Zeke mumbles.

"Yeah?" I hum back.

"You know how I said I'd tell you on our second date? about why Erm hates me? Moose and I stole a cow and left it in this restaurant. The cow was fine but apparently it's a huge health and safety thing so it had to be closed for a few weeks. We didn't really think it through."

"Did the cow have a name?" I ask.

He laughs.

"It's tag said something like B64. But now Erm calls her Butter." He tells me.

"Wait. He kept her?" I smile.

"Yeah." He laughs again. "He got some land behind his house, it's perfect for her. I think he's just acting mad about the whole thing. He loves her too much to be mad about it."

"May I steal her for a dance?" Ermies voice pops in from behind Zeke.

Zeke's look of shock quickly vanishes. He speaks quietly to Ermie and then gives me a quick reassuring look as he hands me over.

"You must be something to have Zeke smitten huh?" Erm smiles.

"I hope so." I smile back.

Zeke drops me off at my door and I watch him from the lounge room window as he walks home. A huge smile on his face. I take off the gloves and reach up and touch my own face, sore from smiling.

A muffled sound from upstairs takes my attention away from my cheeks.

"Mum? Is that you?" I whisper out.

Pushing off from the window I head the the back of the house, following the sounds. Each step they get a little louder.

"Mum?" I speak out. Pushing the door my heart drops. She's there on the ground. Snotty and eyes full of tears arms wildly trying to scratch through her arms. Mumbling words I don't understand.

"Mum? Mum!? What happened?" I run forward collapsing just in front of her. Rushing my hands just above touching trying to figure out what was wrong. A force within my pushes forward. I hold her hands still from hurting herself. Skin to skin. I can't breathe. She's hurting. I look at her face pleading for her to tell me how to help her.

"Mum?" I whisper. Willing her to look at my but her eyes don't move from my hands holding her own down.

She looks up for a second. "I can't close the window." It's a weak and helpless whisper. She looks so small and I feel furious at her. She can't help it just like I can't.

I look up at the window and raise to my knees. I pull my hands from my mothers and grasp the wood pushing the window down. My finger white with pressure. I sigh and lock the window.

I sit back down and look at her, a tear escaping my own eye. Without looking at me she burst back into tears mumbling over and over how sorry she is. I know how helpless she feels and I know there's nothing I can really do.

I swallow hard still feeling the sting in my fingers from touching her earlier. Looking at the skin, looking at the prints and needing them gone I try to swallow again. My throats closing up. I know what she needs. Something I cannot give without hurting myself. I close my eyes and think back to what Zeke has said to me the other day.

Focus on breathing. Focus on something. Focus on something. Focus on... focus on... on his voice. Focus on Zeke.

Eyes closed tight. Blocking out my mother sobs I see him. On his bed next to my laughing. Smiling. Calming my down. I feel it wash over me. Through my neck and down my back. Through my throat and lungs. Through my arms and legs and then out of my fingers and toes. I feel the pain leave my fingers.

I open my eyes and see my mother still so small and helpless. I feel calm as I lean into her and grasp her in a tight. I hold her like it's the first time i've done so in years, because it is. I hold her with all my love and all the care I have for her. And slowly her sobs slow and she becomes still. And slowly she hold me back.