BELOVED

014: Fear

Nobody paid Jaejoong any attention. They moved with precision and carefully placed his husband on the bed and Jaejoong was too scared that something would happen to his husband if he even as much as blink his eyes that somehow he managed to keep his awareness and suppressed the nauseous feeling until he saw Assistant Zhao remove his husband's shirt and dutifully clean the body.

There were old scars, but, there was no fresh wound.

Jaejoong's body immediately sagged in relief, and only when another person started wiping his husband's mouth did he finally understand the origin of the blood. His husband... He coughed that much blood?  Why is his eyes closed now? Husband was clearly still conscious when they laid him down on the bed earlier! Jaejoong felt faint all over again yet he forced himself to stay awake, staggering a few steps behind to reach the wall in order to lean his body against it,  purposefully distancing himself. He could no longer move but even if he could, he wouldn't go near. 

Other than his husband's Personal Assistant, there were also 2 strangers who came with him. Judging from the way they calmly fussed over his husband, Jaejoong had a feeling he should not cause any disturbance and just let them help his husband. They should be able to help him... otherwise why would they bring him home instead of taking him to the hospital? If they can't help- No! They must be able to fix him!

Under Jaejoong's tearful eyes and with Assistant Zhao's nod, one of them took out a small container and the other one immediately grabbed a vial from it, and with remarkable composure, used a syringe to inject its content into his husband's neck.

They waited in silence for a few, long minutes, before the strangers suddenly let out a relieved sigh at the same time. Jaejoong, who had been staring at his husband from the start and did not see any changes in his husband's condition nor any movements, was now desperate.

"M- my- my husband..." Jaejoong was not familiar with that rough voice, it was as if it came from somewhere else, but he pressed on. "H- he- is- o- o- okay?"

As soon as he saw Assistant Zhao's relaxed expression, Jaejoong finally lost consciousness.

It had been 5 days since that terrible fright. Jaejoong had gained his consciousness barely hours after, yet his husband still haven't opened his eyes to this day. And that, truly, constantly gave Jaejoong a dreadful feeling. Every seconds felt unbearable for him.

For someone who's as closed off as him, Jaejoong definitely don't have that many people he's attached to. For family members, he's lucky enough that none of his close relatives had ever gotten seriously ill or passed away. The same goes for his good friends. They mostly remained close and stay connected online even though some were separated by distance. Therefore, it is not at all unreasonable to say Jaejoong had never truly understood the sense of pure loss.

No matter how many deaths he stumbled upon before, those were of people he felt no connection with. Naturally, he grieved but it was always short-lived.

No matter how treasured the characters who passed away in his most loved stories, those were still unrelated fictional persona. Obviously he ached and mourned for them but still he respected the writer's inspiration.

But the man who was drenched in blood 5 days ago is Jaejoong's husband. It was the same man who had chosen him, who had protected his family, who never shamed him, who never disrespected him, who always treated him preciously, who always-

Jaejoong choked.

It is Jung Yunho, his husband, who had owned Jaejoong's purest feelings from their first meeting...

To see his lover seemingly at the brink of death, how could Jaejoong even breathe?

The only reason Jaejoong haven't fully lost his mind was Assistant Zhao's confident assurance that Yunho was just recuperating and would soon wake up everytime he came to check up on Yunho's condition. Of course, Jaejoong would find himself doubting the man's words again and again the longer Yunho continued to sleep but Yerim's lack of fear in her eyes every time she delivered food for him despite her occasional concerned gaze always managed to comfort his turbulent heart. If even she behaved like this was normal and not a valid cause of worry, then Jaejoong would believe it. He had to believe it.

But that doesn't stop him from caressing Yunho's hand in his waking hours, needing that constant warmth to remind him his Yunho's still alive. Even when asleep, Jaejoong would always unconsciously clung to Yunho's hand.

His despair and misery, nobody could understand it better than him.

That's why he did not, even once, ask anyone for the whys and whats.

His Yunho is a man of mystery after all. Other than the fact that he's a military man, what else was known about him? Before their marriage, not much came up no matter how hard Jaejoong tried to find information about him especially during that period Yunho went missing. His details were even more protected than the rest of the Jungs. Even finding a recent photo of Yunho online was a rare feat. That itself already told Jaejoong so much.

And really, even if they're willing to tell him, of what significance are those knowledge, when all that he needed is just Yunho's well-being?

"I- I- I'm sca- scared." Jaejoong whispered, and again, tears fell from his eyes. "I ca- can't- lo- lose you." Jaejoong had never fallen in love before. He wasn't aware how twisted that feeling really is, to make him care and hate at the same time.