Falling for the impossible (Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 25

So I want to say thank you to everyone that has read my story, you guys got me to 1000 views and you don't know how happy that makes me! I can't stop smiling, ask any of my friends! Haha well thank you guys(: This chapter is for all of you!

I walked next to Zayn silently, thinking of my decisions. I knew I would have to pick one before we got back to the bus, I would also have to come up with a reason I left crying. Harry, what would I tell him? Maybe I just shouldn't tell him. Zayn thought I should but, what did I think? What did I want? This was the hardest decision to make, I had never been the one to make decisions, everyone else had made them for me. It was so different to make them myself. I sighed running my fingers through my hair when we came to a stop and I realized we were in front of the bus. I turned to Zayn, finally knowing what to say. 

"I'm not going to tell him, he needs to prove to me that he loves me, I'm not going to give him everything he gave up so easily" I said meeting his brown eyes. He nodded.

"What about Jason?" Zayn asked me. 

"I don't know yet" I whispered through my lips. He nodded again not knowing what to say. I game him a weak smile and he started to lead the way. Zayn opened the door and all the boys including Jason were laying and sitting o the couch watching TV. As soon as I walked in everybody sat up, but Jason stood up next to me and looked me in the eye.

"I'm going home, I think you need some time and I don't want to pressure you, but I'll always be waiting" Jason whispered in my ear. I nodded refusing to let the tears flow. He locked eyes with me as he headed out the door tugging a suitcase along with him. I looked out the window and saw him get in a cab he must've called when  I was gone. I couldn't look away.

But I'll always be waiting

The words ran through my head over and over again like a broken record player. I felt someone grab my hand and I smiled up at Zayn who must've seen my facial expression, knowing what I was feeling. I was thankful to have someone like him.

I saw Harry tense up at the scene but I refused to look at him, I looked away, out the window, at the TV screen. Anywhere but at him. I refused.

"Where'd you go?" Niall asked me, his blue eyes shining with wonder and care. I gave a weak smile knowing I couldn't completely lie to them, feeling horrible that even thought I would. I sighed before finally coming out with my answer.

"I, I went to visit Jake" I told them. I heard some gasps from everyone but Liam and Zayn and I looked down at my feet, embarrassed my their reactions. This time I didn't pinch my eyes shut, I stood up for myself, knowing I was going to get a lecture.

"Why would you do that-" Harry started and I turned to face him for the first time since I had entered the bus. 

"It's not your job to care about what I do, you do not own me and I don't owe you anything. I will choose what I do and who I see and if you have a problem with that, I don't care" I snapped, feeling powerful all of the sudden. I felt Zayn give my hand a little squeeze and saw Liam give me a little smile. I met eyes with him silently thanking him for understanding me. Harry looked at me, his mouth open wide surprised I had said that.

"I understand if you care about me, but I can take care of myself"  I whispered, feeling better now and not so angry. Harry gave me a little nod trying not to look me in the eye and I sat down next to Liam letting go of Zayn's hand. 

No one asked me about Jake, they acted as if nothing happened. They were all silent. Zayn pretended too, as if I really hadn't I had remembered anything.

It didn't feel right, lying to them. Especially Louis who had always been there for me and honestly, I believe missed me the most. I felt fake, lying to the only people who actually cared. I wanted to scream, The silence was so awkward. I looked at Zayn feeling as if he was the only one that understood how I felt right now. He wasn't looking at me, he was saying something to Louis and I felt trapped. Suddenly I did the thing I told Zayn I wouldn't do.

"I remember" I said. Everybody's head popped up and they stared at me, not believing what I had just said. I didn't fake a smile, didn't even give a nervous laugh. I just let the tears flow down my face. I felt everyone get closer to me and I looked at Niall and Harry.

"I beat both of you at Pokemon" I said. They nodded confirming the memory. I looked at Liam.

"You were the first one that talked to me when I got on the bus" I looked at Zayn "I told you everything, even when I barely knew you" Then lastly I looked at Louis.

"And you, Louis, you're the funniest out of all the boys, random, never knowing his boundaries but so lovable at the same time" I whispered just loud enough for them to hear. He gave me a weak smile. I saw a tear go down Harry's cheek and I locked eyes with him. It was serious what he did. He needed to know that, now.

"You" I started. He looked a little surprised but I went on with what I had to say.

"It's not going to be the way it was before, you gave up on us, you thought I was low enough to go with your best friend. That hurts Harry, that you of all people would think that of me. It's nothing like it was before and I'm not sure it ever can be....." I told him seriously. He didn't let another tear fall, trying to act manly. He nodded before letting out a small 'ok'. He was hurt, but I didn't care, he needed to know the truth. Or at least I was telling my self that I didn't care about how he felt.

"What happened with Jason?" Louis asked me. I was surprised Louis sounded worried, knowing they barely knew each other.

"He lied, he wasn't um gay. He told me he loved me" I said staring at my feet, everyones jaw dropped except Zayn's since he already knew what happened. I nodded not knowing what to say to any of them.

Harry didn't ask eny questions he just got up and went to the back of the bus in the separate room. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair when I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. I looked up to see Liam staring down at me with those big brown eyes.

"You did the right thing, don't worry" He assured me with a weak smile. I nodded refusing to let the tears come down. I got up and followed Harry's tracks leading me into the back room where he was hiding. I closed the door behind me and saw Harry face down into his bed, his head crying into his pillow. His hands were clenching the sheets as if he was in intense pain and just couldn't take it. He soon realized I was standing there in front of him and he stared at me, his eyes sparkling with an emotion I just couldn't name couldn't even describe. I walked over and sat down next to him on the side of his bed.

"Please don't cry" He whispered. I nodded slowly, trying to stop the tears that were begging to come. He took my hand in his and I didn't pull away knowing he needed me right now. I met eyes with him.

"You did this not me" I whispered. telling the truth. He slowly nodded.

"I miss you" He told me.

"I miss you too"

"I'm so sorry" He said tears coming down his face faster now. I wanted so badly to say it's okay but deep down I knew it wasn't, I couldn't lie.

"You need to fix it" I told him. He nodded and for a while we sat there hand in hand. silent.

It was perfect.

Thanks for reading! I lvoe you guys!

Courtney

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