Freedom - Nicole Khatchadourian

Ten

I don’t know how long I’ve been leaning against the wall. My back is numb from the brick digging into my body, my hand haven’t stopped shaking. Kevin did follow me outside, but after a while he left, the sound of his voice merging together with cars driving past. It’s hard for my to focus on one thing and my vision is blurry.

Eva's face swims in front of me, concern written all over it. I blink in confusion. When did she get here? I thought she was at work? I feel my eyebrows knit together, watching as she says something to me. I don’t hear the words. She puts up her hands slowly, her eyes raking over mine. She seems to be searching for something, but I don’t know what.

“-I touch you Nicole?” She asks, voice low and hands frozen in place. It takes a few seconds for me to register, but I nod. Eva’s hand reaches for my shoulder and settles there, tethering me to reality. Her hand is warm.

“What’s going on? Kevin said you ran out here after going into your room,” she squeezes my shoulder. I open my mouth to speak but the words are caught in my throat. I don’t know why I ran out of the room. One look at the picture and I couldn’t handle it. It’s been so long since either of us looked that happy and I don’t even remember where we were or what we were doing that day. Or how Kevin got that picture.

“Nic?”

I hear his voice before he even turns the corner. I’d recognise him no matter what. My twin and I have a connection stronger than anyone. Nothing could surprise us about each other.

So why is seeing tear tracks on his face like ripping my heart out of my chest?

Kevin's eyes are puffy and red from crying. I can see tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. His hair’s a mess, sections of it sticking up in different directions. I think he’s been running his hands through it. He stops right in front of, staring at his fingers before looking up at me. I bite my lip and look down at the floor.

The three of us stood outside in silence, the tension so thick that you could cut through it like cake. I looked up from the floor before deciding to speak.

“When was that picture taken Kevin?” The back of my throat hurts, making my voice come out scratchy. Kevin’s head shoots up to look at me.

“Which–which one?"

“The one on your laptop,” I tap my fingers against the wall in a steady pattern.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

He doesn’t respond to my question for a moment, and when I look up at him his eyebrows are furrowed.

“I uh, I don’t actually know,” He admits. “I found it in our bedroom when we got here.” He turns to Eva as she starts speaking.

“I put it in your room a while ago. I thought that you would like to see it when you got out of... I just thought you’d like to see it.” She doesn’t mention jail, but we all know what she’s referring to.

“Thanks mom,” Kev whispers. “I-, I like the picture. It’s nice. Are you gonna be okay now Nic?”

I nod.

“Okay. Well uh, I’m going back inside so, I’ll see you later.” He says, fidgeting, before walking away.

Eva takes her hand off my shoulder and I flinch. I’d forgotten she was there.

“Are you going to come inside Nicole?” she asks. I shake my head.

“Maybe-maybe later. I just want to stay out here for a while. Clear my head.”

Eva smiles at me and turns to walk inside. I let myself slide down the wall and close my eyes.