Dear Someone

Goodbye

Goodbye my dear friend,

I guess things weren't meant to work out anymore. I want you to know that no matter what happens I won't ever forget you. It's gonna take me awhile to forgive what you did, to come face to face with the cold facts that no matter how much we tried we couldn't fix this. I'm really going to miss you, and the friendship we had. My fears and secrets, you knew them all. But here's one fear and one secret you never knew. My greatest fear was to lose my closest friends and have to face this brutal world alone. My greatest secret, well that's going to stay a secret. No one knows the unexplainable pain you put me through, because while I was trying to save us, you gave up. You said I would never lose you. Where are you now? All I can find is a ghost of you and a ghost of our friendship. It's funny how in just two weeks everything is so different. You went your own way and I am forced to go my own way. Notice how I said forced. This is not my own doing. You cast your heavy burden onto me, expecting that I would fare better than you did. But I'm not doing better I'm doing worse. This smile you see? Is it really a smile or is it a mask to hide my pain. My sadness. My broken heart. I know you said this is because of your past, but my past wasn't a fairytale either. So stop acting like I had it better than you! Stop trying to make me feel guilty about my decisions. I hate what you're doing to me. I want to be able to go to school and truly laugh and enjoy my time there. I don't want to fake it anymore. Seeing what used to be and what could have been is killing me. It's like a knife through my chest and your the one holding onto the knife. You were my confident. What happened? Why are you leaving me to fight this battle alone? All of my friends are abandoning me. Seriously, are you trying to hurt me? Because you are doing a fantastic job of it. I want to feel more than this sadness. No, I need to feel more than sadness. I miss the old me where my laugh wasn't forced and my smile came easily. You took that away when you gave up on us. I miss you but I hate you at the same time. You put me through hell and you hold me there as a struggle to break free. I'm giving up. I'm slowly losing myself to keep you here as a friend, when I know all you are going to do is leave me. So I'm letting go and the first thing I'm going to do is get rid of the pictures you gave me. They stare up at me like some ghost that wants to haunt me. Then I'm going to try to forget everything that we did because just remembering them brings back so many memories. So goodbye and farewell. I hope you see what you have done to me before it's too late to fix this. I'm going to miss you so much.

~Taryn