Start Again (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 12 - Regret

Chapter 12 - Regret

I was surprised with what I read. Did Russell see everything that happened? Did he notice how I initiated that kiss? Oh, my god. What? Why am I feeling this way? Regret? No. I already like Justin.  I can’t have feelings for Russell; I don’t know him that much. Fudge my life.

When I was still staring at the letter, my mom suddenly opened the door. I was shaking and getting teary-eyed. I’m torn between two people?... Why? Of all the things that could happen when it comes to love, this suddenly appears.

“Are you okay honey? There was a guy waiting for you, I think? Did you see him?” She asked.

I just stared at her then replied, “Yes. I did. Did he talk to you?”

“No. He was just staring blankly in his car, sitting motionless. All he did was leave those flowers at the front. Is he your boyfriend?”

Her question was a gunshot to the back of my head. I felt dead inside.

“I don’t know.” That’s all that came out of my mouth.

She tilted her head and she said, “Well, if there are any problems if you would like him to come here to meet me, you’re free to do so, as long as you don’t do something nasty here at the house. I just cleaned it. Do it before I do the chores, or more importantly just don’t tell me about it.”

She snickered and it made me smile. She always has that way of making smile. We do fight sometimes, but I love this woman.

I just nodded and proceeded to go to my room. I threw my bag beside my bed and immediately lied down. What is wrong with me? Everything was bugging me. How would I know that he liked me? I thought his kiss was only that of a friend’s? Maybe Alex was right? Well, let’s be honest, he is probably 99.9% right. Who would leave flowers at the front of your door, say sorry, and MAYBE feel jealous about seeing me and one of his friends making out in a car? I’m just so officially done with life. This is just bringing me more stress.

I suddenly stood up and paced the floor, thinking about what I could tell him. Wait! Why would I tell him anything? It’s not like he made a move first. I guess it’s just fair for me to choose Justin because he actually showed effort immediately. I thought about the flowers. I forgot to pick them up from the ground. My mom probably took it and placed it in a vase or something. I just want to burn those flowers, burn his car, and I will include him too. Smores would go along greatly with those. I shouldn’t care because I already have Justin, but… But… I don’t even know.

What if I chatted him? Would he appreciate it or would he just get even more ticked off? I might as well try to strike a conversation. I reached for my pocket and grabbed my phone. There was a text message from Justin.

Hey, baby. *wink* Are you still there?

I shouldn’t feel this way, but he suddenly aggravated me. Though, I still texted back.

Sorry. I’m pretty busy with assignments right now. Ttyl.

I threw my phone to my bed and raised my hands towards my face and cupped it. I’m an idiot.

I changed my mind and took my phone back in my hands. I checked out Russell’s Facebook profile and twitter feed for any signs of total bitterness. Nada. I guess it was just right to message him. I looked for his name in the search bar for the chat boxes and clicked his name; without hesitation, I typed.

I saw your gift. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

My hopes were up, waiting for him to read it. He wasn’t online during that time, so I just locked my phone and hid it once again in my pocket. I lied back down and contemplate about life. This was a really stressful day for me, and everything just keeps on getting worse and worse. How would I know that this would happen? I’m not a hot, neither am I a girl. Everything is just surprising, especially when it comes to Russell, because he’s a total chick magnet and he’s probably the biggest stud in school. I’m not ashamed that I bagged him, but I feel ashamed that I’m actually feeling this way right now.