Green-eyed Monster

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Voices waft up the stairwell, too muffled to make them out even if I lift my head from the pillow. The bright light flooding through the gap in the curtains tells me I did manage to sleep. Miracles happen.

As I sit up, I realise my body is not aching anymore. Taking quick stock, the wound at neck is still sensitive but my thigh looks to be half healed, the hated tattoo on my side no longer red or raised.

But there's no escaping my guilty conscience, the nagging voice that continues to berate me. And the second voice... a recent and unwelcome addition to my mental musings... it's the loudest, drowning out my normal internal monologue. I like to call it the champion of dubious decisions. Its seductive whisperings encourage to let go my fears and doubts, embrace all that's new and previously unknown to me.

Last night, following our encounter, I descended from euphoria to despondency in record time. Shamefully, I could only lay trembling the beneath the male cooing praises and reassurances until, sensing my deteriorating mental state, he scooped me up and carried me to the bathroom. Cradling me to his chest, he immersed us in a steamy shower, letting it gently wash the evidence of my innocence down the drain in a pink flow. The entire time, I refuse to meet his gaze, completely mortified and confused, unable to wrap my mind around everything. He remained silent, washing my body when I seemed unable to break my frozen state.

When we were both clean and flushed pink from the warm water, he dried us off with huge towels, placing me on the little sofa while he stripped the bed. New sheets in place, he led me stiff-legged to the bed, urging me to lay under the covers. I turned on my side with knees drawn up, eyelids drooping as the lure of sleep became irresistible to someone wishing to escape reality. I thought, maybe, in my dreams I'd find the answers and solutions I needed. But trying to rest in the grip of a sleeping tiger as he nuzzled into the back of my neck, the damp towel pulled from me as his long limbs curled around mine, was difficult.

I had feared it would prove impossible. Obviously not. But peaceful rest was impossible when images of our bodies intertwined— lightly coated in a sheen of sweat as we moved together— continued to replay over and over in my dreams in sound and technicolour.

I have to grudgingly admit, I thrilled to the heady pleasure of his body on mine, the taste of his lips... his caresses... the deep voice whispering endearments. I didn't enjoy being branded again. It's on my frigging neck where everyone can see it and by the looks, it's going to scar like a bitch! Every time I think about it, my anger rises. But then that wormy little voice starts prattling on about how nice it is to bear his mark and a stupid little glow of warmth blooms in my chest.

Am I going crazy? Maybe, I was already stark raving looney. Send the white truck. On second thoughts, if I shared my recent 'adventures' with a psychiatrist, they'd never let me out of a padded cell. Then, I'd have to resort blasting my way out.

Yeah. Maybe not. Cancel that order.

My cheeks are flaming just thinking of my behaviour. For god's sake, I even initiated the kiss... spread myself out like a great big naked buffet for him. With a sigh, I cover my hot cheeks, eyes closing on a groan. A noise startles me and I drag the sheet up around me as I see Slade lounging on the doorframe.

A raised eyebrow suggests he thinks my modesty is a little belated.

He pads softly into the room. "How do you feel?"

I glance down at the duvet, shrugging my shoulders, picking at a thread. I don't know how to act around him, what to do. I'm mad and ashamed, all at once. And disgusted that something inside seems to light up when he appears. It's not that I feel a desire to please him or hang on his every word-- arguing or throwing something heavy at his head would be more satisfying-- but I recognise how he seems to rev me up. How the world brightens when he appears. Sometimes, in a good way. Sometimes, because I see red.

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