Know Child of Mind (Completed)

Night Thoughts

Sometimes it's nice to go to a place where no one knows your name
The place of dreams
No bounds of what you can become
No rules
I'm ready to stumble into nothingness and forgo my loneliness

I have two pillows
One to hold and the other to lay my head on
I'll skip dinner
I don't feel like getting out of bed
This is my real best friend
Always comforting
Always trustworthy
Always there

I turn back on my notifications and watch my phone talk
I check it for anything interesting
Some conversations aren't worth pursuing
I roll my eyes but I answer some anyway
It's hard to hold my interest
I need something more than this mundane, manufactured, pretentious version of friendship

Where are my people that laugh when they're hurt
That want to share random weird facts
That care to have 3 a.m. conversations because their body is tired but their mind is not

That only aspire to be themselves
I'm not attracted to copycats
Give me the unfiltered version
I love stuff like that
I need to see different colors
Since I'm not that lucky today I connect my phone on the charger and sigh

I cut off my bedside light and stare into the darkness
I pull my pillow closer and pretend I am cuddling with a beautiful woman
I talk to her
Her eyes become the moonlight
She stars at me
Pondering my many secrets
One day we will eclipse
Because I am the sun

I'm up here in my own atmosphere alone
Giving away my energy and time to others so that I am useful
My biggest fear is to be forgotten
Or to feel the giant void of someone I want to get closed to push me away

Someone knew this before
And even though they saw the pleading in my eyes they left
Like a guest that broke glass in my own home and left me to pick up the pieces
I was a doormat to someone else's emotional baggage

That person expected to stay in the abuse
Sink into shit
Be a man they say
But I am but a boy that looks like a man
With feelings I can't share
Because gender stereotypes are so generalized
And in fear of losing what's left of my dignity at the time I felt better off letting that person go

Boys need healing too
I want to breathe too
I want to be heard too
Don't shut me up and look down on me because I am broken and a little fucked up
If you can only accept the best parts of me
I am no longer real
Just a gliding fantasy
Slipping in and out of life

Her eyes become wider and she kisses me on the cheek
All I need to get by
I have to solve this puzzle for myself
I want to be complete