The Self Care Bible

Heartbreak Hotel 💔

How to Deal with Heartbreak

Nursing a broken heart is a harrowing endeavor. Once you can accept what happened, and prepare to take care of yourself and your emotions, you'll be able to move on and grow past it. One thing to keep in mind is that you will eventually feel like yourself.

1. Face your heartbreak head on.

You've been hurt, and you feel sad. These are normal emotions, and you need to accept that they are happening. Don't lie to others, and yourself, by saying "I'm fine" when you are not. You may be able to push it down for a while, but something else will bring it up again, and you'll be worse off because you weren't honest with yourself.

2. Remember that it is okay to feel sad.

In fact, it's okay to feel a whole range of emotions, including sadness, confusion, and anger. The key is not to let those feelings affect your whole life. Do not try to numb yourself to the pain or swear off relationships forever. These activities will only hurt you in the long run. Instead, give yourself time to feel the hurt.

3. Cry.

Crying is a good and healthy way to express extreme feelings, so if you feel like crying, let it out. Find a place where you can be alone, or with a good friend, and let the tears flow. It'll be over more quickly than you think, and you'll feel a little better afterward getting those emotions out.

4. Release your negative thoughts.

Avoid letting negative thoughts control your worldview. These include filtering, that is looking at only the negative aspects of your situation, and personalizing, blaming yourself entirely for what happened. Keep an eye on yourself to see if you are looking at your situation this way, and from there look for ways to avoid those negative thoughts.

• An excellent way to expel negative energy is to meditate. Put yourself in a comfortable seated position in a comfortable place, usually alone and away from distractions like television or other stimulating things.

5. Examine your relationship.

Think about what went wrong, and why you two broke up. There is always a reason. Also think about what you liked in the relationship, and what things you would want to look for in a future partner. By working through these ideas, you can grow as a person, and find the right relationship later down the line.

• You may reach a point where you and your ex are comfortable becoming friends, but don't think too much about that early on. You need to give yourself space after the breakup.

6. Talk to someone else.

You are not alone in the world. Look for a trusted friend or advisor, or a close relative, and tell them how you feel. Sometimes just getting your feelings off your chest can help you work through them. Additionally, you never know what help other people can give, whether it's good advice, or just a shoulder to cry on.

7. Exercise.

Physical exercise causes your body to release serotonin (a chemical that makes us feel happy) and stimulates the growth of nerve cells. On an emotional level, exercising may help you to feel like you are becoming the master of yourself again. Plus, you'll look better too.

• If you're feeling down, it can be hard to motivate yourself to exercise. Work around that by distracting yourself with something enjoyable. Maybe just walk through a mall or some other place you enjoy. You can also give yourself something to do only while exercising, like listening to certain music you enjoy, or watch your favorite TV show while on a machine.

8. Look out for depression.

Keep an eye out for the major differences between sadness (a normal and healthy emotion) and depression. When you are depressed, nothing you think about seems to matter in your life, and you are unable to stop thinking about the things that cause you grief. If you think you are noticing these signs, or if your sadness lingers for several weeks or up to a month, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

9. Get rid of things that remind you or your ex.

This includes pictures of you and your ex, listening to 'your' song, and gifts she/he gave you. While you don't necessarily have to throw all the stuff out (that cook book you two would try recipes from might come in handy in the future) you should move it from your direct line of sight.

10. Stop all contact with your ex.

Keeping in contact with them will make you feel even worse than you already do. Don't call your ex crying or send passive aggressive texts, and definitely don't communicate when you've been drinking. Your ex has made it clear that he or she is moving on. The best way to do that yourself is to avoid contact with him or her.

• Delete your ex from social media. You don't need the constant reminder of what he is up to that you'll automatically get from Facebook or other social media sites. That kind of avoidance will help keep you from thinking about him.

11. Meet new people.

After giving yourself some space, you shouldn't close yourself off, and losing someone does not mean you are unlovable or can never love again. Try to get involved in activities to meet potential new partners, or even be willing to use online dating. You don't have to actively look for new relationships if you don't want to, but don't immediately reject the possibility if someone asks or offers.

• Be careful with a rebound relationship. Opening yourself up does not mean rushing into a new relationship immediately. If you move too quickly, you may mistake the easy intimacy with real feeling, and create greater pain for yourself and the other person.

12. Be patient.

These processes take time, and while on the way to recovery, you may come up against days that are harder than others. Don't beat yourself up over feeling sad when you thought you were recovering.

• Occasionally fantasizing about your ex is normal. The surest way to think about something is to tell yourself not to think about it. Sometimes that will happen. Rather than suppress these thoughts, accept them, and look for something else to think about instead.

I recently just recovered from a heartbreak; it sucked and hurt like hell but I learned to accept it's all apart of growth...