poetry

remember when you were the subject of all my poetry? (how i miss that innocence)

i'm not allowed to meet you
and i cared for a long time

i've stopped caring now

other things
bigger things
have happened.

all i feel now is alone
and i don't think you're the answer
i wanted any more

i remember overhearing my mother
on the phone one night
saying in hushed tones
that she didn't want to upset me
that you didn't want to meet me
you thought it was all too much

i cried

i cried a lot

i'm over it now
i've faced bigger rejections since

i forgot to write about it then
so i can't think of anything poetic to say

since then
i've cried over bigger things

i'm numb to you
but i'm not sure
i should be.

and one day
you'll come back
expecting me to still be waiting
for your mind to change

expecting me
to have stayed
the same excited child

but you tore that out of me.

it was not only you, no

but you were the first.