Baby Cullens?!

3. Plus One

"Okay! We're screwed!" Bella huffs for the hundredth time.

"Bella! Don't curse in front of the babies!" Esme scolds from over in the kitchen.

"As if they don't know what screw means! God knows they know both meanings of it!" I mutter, glaring at the 'innocent' babies.

"I don't understand!" Carlisle announces, walking into the room.

"Join the club," I murmur, and he cracks a smile. I'm lying down with my legs wrapped around the top of the couch, my back on the seat and my head hanging out; basically in opposite. Dad and mum are playing with my long, floppy hair and Edward is trying to read the newspaper. But to his horror, his baby self can't read! It's hilarious being in his head!

Carlisle continues pacing, no doubt trying to solve this amazingly complicated puzzle. You see, when Bella and I walked through the front door, we were greeted by something we never thought possible. And THAT's saying something!

Dad and Emm were huge! Okay, not huge. But when we left them about an hour and a half before, they looked like probably two year olds. When we return around an hour and a half later, they look about six!

I don't need my PhD in medicine to know that that just doesn't happen!

"What if it acts like a sort of poison?" I suggest, getting a little giddy from all the blood flowing to my head.

"How so?" Carlisle asks.

"Well...what if his ability worked like a poison. As in, depending on the size of the victim, the concentration would be affected?" I venture.

Carlisle stops pacing and stands stock still for a few moments. Then a dazzling smile brightens up his face. "You may be absolutely right, Henry!"

"I know! My intelligence astounds even me some times," I tease. In the family, I'm not exactly the brightest. But that really isn't my fault! I'm only 48! Everyone else is about a century old! And there are tons of things you can pick up in a century!

"Okay Mr. Intelligence, explain then, why Edward hasn't grown an inch?" Bella asks.

"Hey! I'm not the smart one, remember? That was a fluke!" I laugh.

"Carlisle...they will get back to normal eventually, right?" I CANNOT face the prospect of looking after these five brats forever!

"I've only seen Afton use his ability once...it took a few months, but the victim returned to normal," Carlisle breathes.

"Months?! No freaking way! I don't want to play daddy for months!" I moan. A pillow comes whirling and smacks me in the face. Heh! Like I even needed to guess who did that.

"You're lucky you are knee-high to a pumpkin, grandpa!" I spit at the pillow-throwing fiend!

Just then, there's a scream from upstairs. Bella and I exchange a glance and in the next moment we're bolting up the stairs. Mum remains put on the floor, but her eyes are huge too. Dad can run and is following us. Edward, in his toddler body, can't walk! You can imagine what happened when he tried to run.

Needless to say, wailing came from downstairs. I turned tail and ran back down, picking my grandpa, who is now a baby, up.

"Shh! It's okay, Edward!" I whisper, not really knowing how to console a crying baby. Edward's mind is in a state of panic. He knows there isn't any pain, so he can't imagine why in the world he's crying. Neither can I for that matter...but nobody cares what I think.

"Bewa!" he manages to whisper before another series of sobs greet my ears. I rock him back and forth, trying to calm him down. Eventually, he get's fascinated enough by my hair to forget he fell. Not that that's a great thing though, since he's yanking with all his baby might!

"Stop it you little monster baby!" I mutter, through clenched teeth.

Edward looks at me with his intelligent honey eyes and begins wailing at the top of his voice! Great!

"Henry! What's wrong with Edward?" Esme asks, concern on her face.

"He's acting! Don't fall for it," I mutter back.

Esme lifts little Edward out of my hands and begins cradling him. "What's the matter, honey?" she asks, cooing.

"Henwy! He scowd me!" Edward wails again. Esme gives me a withering look and walks off to the kitchen carrying that little...tattler with her.

I roll my eyes and walk over to the sofa where mum is sucking on a cushion.

"Okay, momma! Are you hungry?" I ask her quietly, taking the cushion out of her mouth. She protests a little, but eventually gives up. She locks her little arms around my neck and presses her little dimpled hand to my cheek.

She wants me to carry her. Go figure!

I carry her, swinging her playfully, before putting her little legs on either side of my neck. She grabs a fistful of my hair in her hands, and acts as if she's riding a horse...which is really adorable actually.

I fix her a bottle of warm milk, cradle her to me and feed her.

All the while there's hushed conversation coming from upstairs. Eventually, Carlisle walks down the stairs, carrying Jazz in his arms. Then come Emmett and Jake both shoving each other on the stairs.

"Oi! No fighting on the stairs!" I shout at them, and am greeted by two tongues sticking out at me.

Then Bella and Alice walk down the stairs, and to my utter amazement; Bella is carrying another baby!

"What the f-"

"Henry! Mind your language!" Esme shouts from the dining room.

"Sorry, Esme! What in the world, Bella?! Another baby?!" I explode.

"Henry...you were more correct than I had guessed," Carlisle says cryptically. I'm so used to the cryptic! After a half a century with the Cullen's, you get used to cryptic!

"Do you mind explaining?" I ask tersely, my eyes on the baby in Bella's arms.

"It looks like the children's bite is poisonous. Whoever they bite, turns into a baby as well," Carlisle says, amusement on his face, but horror on mine! I'm at the mercy of these....things?! No effin' way!

"Bloody hell! That's Rose, isn't it?" I mumble, shocked. But who else could it be? The achingly beautiful face? The long, blond hair? That withering, impatient look? It has to be Rose!

"Uh huh...Jazz bit her," Bella explains.

Great.

So, not only do we not know how long these monsters will remain kids...

...we have another baby to look after.

Also, the kids are poisonous.

Amazing!

Now...this must be weird! Even for a family of vegetarian vampires!

I swear, the big man up in the sky must be laughing right now.

And then, all the kids start crying at the exact same time, except for dad and Emmett.

Okay, my bad. NOW He's laughing!