love like fools ➙ glee

thirty-four ; grace kelly.

trigger warning(s); mentions of cancer.

. . . 

"I heard a nasty rumor that Jesse St. James is back in town."

Alicia looked up from her songbook. She hadn't expected Finn to find her. In the library. It was a location that, other than Quinn, Tina, Artie, Rachel, and Mike, people avoided. The first time Alicia brought Finn here, she'd loaded him up with an armful of books to check out. Incidentally, that was also the last time.

They had gotten over their mono, rehabilitated and no longer wanted to disintegrate every time they moved. Throughout the extra alone time, Alicia poured blood, sweat, and tears into her songwriting. Especially for one particular song.

Finn was still waiting for a response. Alicia set her mechanical pencil in her songbook, keeping her place as she looked up. Their height difference was considerably more prominent as she was sitting as he stood. "He is." Her tone was carefully controlled. "Who told you? Kurt?"

Of course it was Kurt. She hadn't talked about it to anyone else.

Finn seemed strangely out of place. He fiddled with his fingers, with the sleeve of his sweater, scuffed his sneakers against the carpeting, scratched the back of his neck. All within the time span of sixty seconds. Alicia tilted her head. "If you have something to say to me . . . ."

"I'm worried about you."

Alicia blinked. "Pardon?"

Sighing, Finn took the seat closest to her. He linked his hands together, resting them on his knees as he hunched over slightly. "Look, it's just . . . I know you and that Jesse kid are super close and everything, and I'm sure that's awesome, but I dunno. He gives me bad vibes. Especially after what he did to Rachel."

She toyed with the bent corner of her page, chewing on the inside of her cheek. She refused to meet Finn's eyes. "I promise, Jesse is not going to egg me. There's no reason to, anyway. I'm not his competition anymore. Not that he ever would."

"Yeah, but he could still hurt you."

It took her a minute to respond. "I appreciate your concern. I know you're only looking out for me, and that's sweet. But you're pursuing a girl who cheated on you. With your best friend. And told you that her unborn child was yours."

"I don't get how that's related."

Alicia wondered if any of her emotions were displayed in her eyes. Annoyance was not one of them, but there was affection, confusion, hesitance, a yearning to breakaway. "If anyone needs someone to worry about them getting hurt, it's you."

Finn shook his head, forehead creasing. "I'm gonna be fine. Besides, this isn't about me. It's about you. And how, if I ever let anything hurt you or break your heart or something, I couldn't live with myself."

There was a certain irony in that.

She swallowed hard, thumb and pointer finger teasing the bent paper. "Don't you think I feel the same way about you? Don't you think it's terrifying to watch you fight for a relationship that could shatter you all over again?"

"I thought you liked Quinn."

"I love Quinn." Alicia didn't know her as well as Finn, Kurt, Tina, or Artie, but Quinn had been her closest friend when she was apart of the Cheerios. She'd serenaded Kurt with her. And they were both pining after people they could never have. Besides, Alicia loved everyone in glee club. "But history just hurts us all over again if we don't learn from it."

Finn shook his head. She didn't know if he disagreed or not. He leaned closer, taking her spare hand in his, thumb brushing over her knuckles. The touch burned her cold skin. "You're my best friend. And I know things have been weird between us lately . . . ."