Chim - Don't Help Me

Chapter 32

*Authors Note* READ PLEASE - (Before I start this chapter, there are a few things I think I ought to clear up. This fic is set around the time just after A Million Lights, GA obviously do not exist and Cheryl has taken a long, long break from the spotlight after her latest album because of reasons that will be revealed more this chapter. Hope that clears a few things up.)

When I wake up the next morning, Cheryl isn't by my side again. Her body isn't radiating warmth beside me, her hair isn't spreading across the pillow next to mine, her beautiful face not glowing in the morning sun. But this time, I'm not worried. I'm not about to run around the house in search of her because I know she is here somewhere. She's not leaving again, I know that now.

After a good half hour of waiting, restlessly laying in the massive bed, I decide to go looking for her. That won't come across as desperate, right? Won't seem as though I can't go more than a half hour without her? When it comes down to it though, I want to avoid being apart from her as much as possible.

Making my way towards the stairs, I slink down them as quietly as possible, careful not to disturb her if she is downstairs. I don't feel comfortable in her house. It's so big and yet empty. There are still pictures on the walls, dishes by the sink, but the pictures seem void of emotion, just reminders of what could have been. There are no pictures of her brother, Andrew, at least I don't see any. Last night she'd told me about her family, pointed them out, but Andrew never seemed to come up. Whether that was intentional, I don't know. Maybe she just wants to forget about him, and that makes me selfish in asking.

I almost give up looking when I hear a light tune coming from the downstairs hall, the very end room it seems. I've never been down this end of the house, the walls are bare down here, the cream paint barely even looks as though it has been touched. I begin to wonder whether I should even be down here, maybe she didn't show me this part of the house for a reason?

The cold wood clashes with my warm skin as I press my hand against the door frame, prying the door open slightly, carefully. That's when I spot it. Cheryl is sat on the floor, surrounded by a circle of white. My eyes adjust to the light seeping through the curtain and I realize that the white is indeed pieces of crumpled up paper, scattered aimlessly around her body.

I don't think she has noticed my presence, so I stay and watch. I watch the way her hands glide effortlessly across the page, her mouth forming silent shapes, reading along with what she is writing. I can't quite make out the words, but it turns out I don't need to. Because just as quickly as the silence was realised, it was broken by the sound of her voice.

Seems like it was yesterday,

When I saw you face.

You told me how proud you were,

But I walked away.

If only I knew,

What I know today.

I would hold you in my arms,

I would take the pain away,

Thankyou for all you've done,

Forgive all your mistakes,

There's nothing I wouldn't do

To hear your voice again

Sometime I wanna call you, but I know you won't be there.

I'm sorry for blaming you,

For everything I just couldn't do.

And I've hurt myself,

By hurting you.

Somedays I fell broke inside but I won't admit.