Chim - Don't Help Me

Chapter 26

She looks so...cold.

I'm standing by the door, gripping onto the frame, just watching her lay there. Her chest rises and falls slowly, her eyelids flickering as she breaths, the only indicator that she is here with me. I realise that I have no idea what to say. She was asking for me, but now I stand here, with no clue why she would ask for me. If Justin wasn't there she could've died. It's the cold, hard truth, but it's still the truth.

"K-Kimba?" She whines out, her eyelids fluttering open, "Arghh, me eyes!" I can't help but let out a little giggle when she pulls a face and raises her hand to her eyes, as if she's just looked directly into the sun. She peeks out from under her hand and makes eye contact, her face instantly lighting up.

"Kimba...you're here."

I shuffle over to her, taking her hand in mine gently.

"Yeah babe. I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else."

"Are you sure about that babe?" She giggles as she gestures around the room, pointing to the machine monitoring her heart rate.

"Well, I would rather we weren't in this place, true. I could never leave you here by yourself though could I?" I say sincerely, stroking the side of her face with my thumb.

"How do you feel Chez?"

"Like someone stabbed us." I breath in sharply, biting down on my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.

"Kimba, don't look like that. You don't have to tell us, I remember babe." She glances down at our interlocked fingers, "I don't really remember after...I mean when he came in. Please Kimba, if he hurt you-"

"No Cheryl, he...he saved you. He drove you here, he carried you to the car, he patched up your side. That was all...him." She scoffs.

"Makes a change I guess."

"Babe don't, he helped you."

"Why are you defending him?!"

I shuffle uncomfortable on the edge of the bed, why am I defending him?

"He saved your life, Cheryl."

"No Kimba, god you don't get it do you?" She asks, raising her hand to her head dramatically, "You saved me life, Kimberley. In more ways than one."

I feel my cheeks heat up from embarrassment, maybe fear? Mixed with a little guilt, the guilt in the pit of my stomach.

"But he was there, he-"

"Are you telling us you wouldn't 've carried us out to the car? Are you telling us you would have let us bleed out on the floor?"

"No, of course not."

"Then it doesn't matter that he was the one who did it, you were there the whole time. Incase I'm mistaken, you were the one who let us inside in the first place when you really should've sent us packing."

I chew harder on my bottom lip, everything she is saying is true, I know it. Though I can't help but feeling guilty.

"Plus Kimberley, you were the one who saved me life the last time... I owe you everything for that."

"I thought you said that you weren't going to jump anyway?" I snap back, somehow I'm mad, confused, resenting her for making me feel so strongly, resenting myself for being so incapable of living without her.

"... I wasn't. Going to jump, I mean. But you still saved me life. If I hadn't met you, well, I'd probably have run back to him." She breathes, still not wanting to use Ashley's name.

"You made us strong, Kimba. Sort of..."

"Yeah, sort of."

An uncomfortable silence looms, 'sort of', she's not strong yet, on first glance she looks fragile, and inside, I know she feels fragile.

"Since when were you so awake anyway?"

"I wasn't sleeping, I was waiting for you."

-----

There is a soft tapping on the door, and I realise I have let Cheryl fall asleep in my arms, her head resting on my legs and her arm draped around my waist. I just sit and stare for a while, she looks so peaceful when she's sleeping.

"Kimberley?" He peeks his head around the corner. I glance up at him, he is hunched over slightly, shyly, as if he has no clue why he is standing there.

"Oh, hey Justin."

He looks down at Cheryl on my lap, frowning slightly.

"How is she? Comfortable?" It comes out as more of a sneer than a genuine question as he stares at Cheryl asleep on my lap, our fingers linked.

'J, don't be like that." I say back quietly, still careful not to make him mad at all. He sighs.

"No seriously Kim, how is she?"

I study him, he's leant up against the door frame, a look of worry and anguish spread across his features, and it truly does seem as though he genuinely cares.

"She's ok. She was a little dizzy and it hurts to roll over, obviously. But she'll be fine."

"Ah...well, that's great. When will she be allowed out? Will you be home?" He stammers.

"I don't know. I have no clue at this point."

"Right well, er, call me if you need picking up. I might bring you some stuff if she has to stay for long." Justin turns out the door, taking one last glance at Cheryl before he leaves.

"Justin wait." I blurt out, "Listen, erm.. Thankyou." I lean forward and peck him on the cheek, one hand rested on his neck. He just smiles.

"I'll see you soon yeah?"

"Yeah. Bye Justin."

He swaggers down the corridor, a wry smile fixed on his face, a smile that still makes me uneasy.

"Kimba? What was that?"

I am startled by Cheryl's voice behind me. She is sitting up now, one hand clutching at her side. I rush over to her, coaxing her into lying back down on the bed.

"Babe, you'll hurt yourself. And that was Justin."

"Yeah I realised. I mean what was that?"

"What do you mean?" I sit down next to her, taking her hand in mine, and she just bats it away.

"THAT. Happy families. The looks and the kisses."

"There were no looks and kisses Cheryl."

"Tell that to the guy who looks like he's just won the lottery. Waltzing away like he owns the place." She scoffs, focusing all of her attention on her fingernails, refusing to make eye contact.

"Chez, stop. I had to thank him."

"Yeah well you may as well have just forgiven him for everything and taken him back right there and then!"

"Cheryl!" I raise my voice, "He saved your life! I could never repay him for that..."

She opens her mouth to shout again, but I see her wilt, shrinking down in the bed.

"I've never done anything for you Kimba, I've pushed you away and yet you still say things like that." She turns away from me, not letting me look her in the eye, shutting out any connection.

I tap her side, but I get no response.

"Then here's your chance Cheryl, here's your chance to not push me away."

She rolls back over, cupping my face in her hands, and I feel the warmth radiating from them.

"I can't. You'll go sooner or later. It's easier this way."

She leans in and places a soft kiss on my lips, even after everything she still tastes like the sweetest thing I've ever had. Or been so close to having.

"Is it easier though? Is it really?" I ask. She just sighs and tucks her hands back under her head, rolling away from me again. And I don't get a reply, not that I expected one. I don't even know what I want her to say anymore.