Chapter 17

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Roger heard a tentative knock on his door. He got up from his bed and slowly made his way towards it. He hesitated, his hand hovering over the door handle.

"Roger? Can I come in? I need to talk to you." Roger squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath when he recognised the voice as Brian's. He was not ready to face him.

Roger glanced at the mirror on the opposite wall. His eyes were red and puffy from crying and his hair was an utter mess. He didn't try to cover up his dishevelled state. Maybe it would make Brian feel at least a tiny bit guilty about how he had treated Roger. Or maybe not.

Brian's eyes widened in surprise when Roger opened the door. He'd probably expected Roger to ignore him.

"What do you want?" Roger asked, not managing to lace his voice with as much indifference as he had hoped.

"I'm sorry," Brian said.

Roger laughed bitterly. "It's a little late for that now, isn't it?"

"Please, Roger, we're best friends," Brian said, looking at Roger pleadingly. Roger flinched when Brian stepped closer to him.

"That's funny. I remember you telling me we weren't friends anymore." It took all of Roger's willpower not to start crying right then and there.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. It was a stupid thing to say," Brian said, looking into Roger's eyes. He looked so sincere, so repentant, and Roger's heart clenched.

"Don't apologize. Just leave me alone," Roger muttered.

"What can I do to get you to forgive me?"

Roger wanted to forgive him. But Brian had truly hurt him and he didn't want it to happen again. "I don't want to talk to you right now."

"I don't want to lose you," Brian whispered, despair evident in his whole being.

"Well, you should have thought about that earlier," Roger hissed.

They stood in silence, the tension between them growing heavier with every passing second. Roger was about to ask Brian to leave when the other man suddenly wrapped his arm around his waist and pressed his lips against his.

Roger was petrified with shock. He couldn't move, he couldn't think. It was only after several moments that he came back to his senses. He shoved Brian, making him lose his balance. He stumbled backwards and his back hit the wall with a loud thump.

"Why would you do that?" Roger had raised his voice so much that he was sure their neighbours could hear each and every one of his words. But with the absolute fury that was clouding his mind, he couldn't bring himself to care.

"I... I just–" Brian stammered. He looked like he'd surprised himself with his action, too.

"Look," Roger spoke, forcing his tone back to neutral. "I know you don't feel the same way about me as I feel about you. It's fine. I don't want you to kiss me out of pity. I don't need your sympathy. I'm already over you, anyway." He was lying, but Brian didn't need to know that. He was definitely not over him. He wasn't sure he'd ever be. He could just hope his expression didn't give away the emotions he was trying to hide.

Brian's hands were trembling. He looked uncertain, like he wanted to say something, but didn't know what. He sighed heavily, a lone tear tracing down his cheek. 

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