"Do you want some tea?" Brian called out from the kitchen.
Roger shook his head, only then realizing Brian couldn't see him. "No thanks," he said, his voice coming out too tense for his liking.
Roger's hands were shaking. He was contemplating whether to back out of a decision he had made mere minutes ago; he had decided to tell Brian about his feelings for him. Never in his life had he been quite so terrified.
Roger could hear clatter from the kitchen as something fell to the floor. Brian cursed loudly.
As the minutes passed, Roger grew more and more uncertain. What if he was making a mistake?
But he needed to get it off his chest. He couldn't keep hiding anymore. Concealing his feelings from Brian hurt him in ways he couldn't describe. He had to tell him.
Besides, what was the worst that could happen? Roger wasn't relieved in the slightest when he realized he was able to come up with dozens of options.
Brian returned from the kitchen and sat down on the couch next to Roger, who shifted in his seat and coughed awkwardly. "Brian, there's something I need to tell you."
Brian focused his gaze on him and nodded to show he was listening.
Roger took a deep breath, swallowing nervously. In a voice that was a lot steadier than he had thought he'd be capable of, he said: "I'm in love with you." He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.
"You... what?" Brian said. He was frowning and looked utterly confused.
Roger squeezed his eyes shut, wishing the ground would swallow him up. He wanted to tell Brian he'd been joking, that he hadn't really meant what he had said. "You heard me," was what he said instead.
"You're kidding me," Brian whispered, his voice cold and his face frighteningly expressionless.
Roger shook his head and mentally prepared himself for the storm that was inevitably coming. He knew he'd fucked up. He should've just kept his mouth shut.
"Brian–" he was interrupted by the said man.
"Don't say anything." Brian let out an exasperated sigh. "You're my best friend, Roger!" he then said, raising his voice significantly. "Or at least you were my best friend."
'This,' Roger thought 'must be what it feels like when your heart breaks.'
"Brian," he said again, desperation dripping from his voice. "We can get past this. I can get over you. We can pretend I never said anything. We can–" Roger cut himself off when he saw the look on Brian's face. It was a mix of sadness and anger and a handful of other equally hopeless emotions that Roger couldn't distinguish. And he knew it was too late. He'd ruined everything. With every passing second he hated himself more and more.
Brian stood up and walked out of the room without a word. Roger was struggling to breathe. Tears were rolling down his face, his whole body shaking with uncontrollable sobs. He'd never felt so lonely in his life.
