south park oneshots ( discontinued )

Our Crime Is Our Success

Slight Creek, Style, Bunny, Levin and Stolovan
Crime

A/N It's Craig, Stan, Kenny and Lucas as criminals, Kyle, Tweek and Butters are policemen. Kevin is included but he plays a special role in this AU.

"Really, McCormick?!?" Craig yelled

"What? I love flirting" Kenny bit his lip

"Gentlemen, this isn't the time to argue about a specific situation" Lucas convinced the two boys, while Stan just took another shot of whiskey.

"It's complicated if HE flirts with that cop" Stan glared, as Kenny started to sweat

"Okay, okay," He chuckled, "I won't let that happen again" Kenny grinned, as Craig growled

"Now then, our next location is City Wok" Lucas adjusted his bow tie, while checking files and hacking shit

"Are you hacking again?" Craig asked

"Who do you think I'm from, Watchdogs?" He taunted

"Maybe the next time it's the weekend we're gonna rob a game store" Craig smiled

"Definitely," Stan agreed

"Alright, boys. Work tomorrow is in 8:10 AM" Lucas said

"I'm gonna sleep, goodnight" Stan yawned, while falling to the filthy bunk bed. Stan and Kenny shared a bunk bed, while Lucas and Craig shared a bunk bed too.

" 'Night, dudes" Kenny sighed,

"Goodnight, McCormick" The two brothers repli—

"GODDAMNIT, CARTMAN CAN YOU STOP MAKING RETARDED STORIES ABOUT US?!?!" Stan yelled

"Jeez, Stan. You know I'm doing this for my performance" Cartman sighed

"Can you continue already?" Their teacher sighed, aggravated thanks to Stan's interruptance

"Right, Ms." Cartman nodded.

Kenny was the first to wake up, he glanced towards the clock and it read '7:58'. Kenny yawned while fixing his appearance, he heard yawning as he looked back.

Craig got up and open the window, light shining the whole room as Stan and Lucas groaned, "It's morning, Fuckers" Craig said, monotonously.

"We got it, Craig" Lucas groaned once again, rubbing his eyes while getting up, "Breakfast is in City Wok" He reminded

"Let's just hang out until the store is open" Stan suggested, as all of them nodded in agreement. They all head out and went to our signature van, Stan was driving while Lucas is in the front with him.

They arrived at City Wok and hid their van in a private parking lot, they got out and got in preparation.

"Alright, guys. Once we got in we have to get money and some food, then we'll get the fuck outta here before the cops get us" Craig explained, as they all nodded in agreement.

Lucas begun sharpening his claws, Craig started doing horseplays with his knife while Stan and Kenny reloaded their guns. Kenny kicked down the door while aiming his gun to the customers, "EVERYBODY PUT YA HANDS UP OR I'LL KILL YA ASS WITH MAH MOTHERFUCKING BABY!" Kenny yelled, sounding ALOT serious.

Lucas went behind the employees and choke them behind, "Surprise, motherfucker..!" Lucas grunted, kicked the other employee and dropped the choked victim. He ran to the cameras and turned off the camera system, he jumped on the counters to get to his friends.

Craig and Stan dragged the money and some food together while Kenny and Lucas followed, Kenny opened the door and gets in the driver's seat. "Marsh, the keys!" He said, as Stan thrown the keys at him. Kenny turned on the engine rapidly while driving in a very fast speed.

They heard sirens as Stan and Craig looked behind, it's the cops! Also known as the sexy uk-

"Woah, woah, woah-" The teacher interrupted, "Now who in the hay are those kind of cops?" She asked

"Well, I'm still reading, goddamnit!" Cartman complained

"Eric, that's—" She was cutted off by her student

"Fine, I'll continue" Cartman just calm down and sighed, looking back at his work and putting his box near his side.

"STOP THE VAN! I REPEAT, STOP THE VAN!" The red-haired policeman yelled through the megaphone, as Stan hid his flustered expression with his sunglasses.

Lucas looked at the side windows while flipping them off, he almost got shot by them but he pulled away from their sight. He sighed with relief as he begged Kenny to drive faster, Kenny suddenly found a small spot as he quickly drove there.

The cops couldn't found the wanted criminals, they quit as they scram away. The four dudes kept panting as they went out of the van, until they saw a poor and flithy male.

He had an eyepatch in his left eye and has scars on his facial look, he had bruises all over his arms, neck, chests and on his legs. He has definitely a teal-like color and has black hair.

He narrowed his eyes to see gangsters, also known as the public enemies, "WHO ARE YOU?!?!" He yelled, he tried to get up but fail with his knees wounded-

"Is that me?" Kevin asked

"GODDAMNIT, KEV-" The teacher cut Cartman off with a cough-like 'ahem', Cartman sighed once again as he turned back to his work.

"We are the public enemies of South Park" Stan explained

"Wait! I can't deal with crimina-" He was cut off by Kenny

"It's okay, kid. At least you have a secret admir-" Kenny was cut off again by Lucas

"Kenneth!" He yelled-whispered, with a blush on his face

"Fine. We outta take ya back to our place, kid" Kenny coughed, smirking at his smart and monotone friend.

"I thought you guys are bad" Kevin said, with small shame on his look

"No worries, we ain't THAT bad." Kenny coughed, once again

"What is your role?" Craig asked

"I'm a male prostitue, I almost got arrested for male prostitution.." He looked away from us, "But sometimes I would get sexually assaulted, even though I kinda enjoyed it" He smiled alittle, but frowned.

"Can this guy pay you after he fucked you?" Kenny smirked, but Lucas gave him a light punch

"Kenny..." He murmured

"But I have one person who treats me like a slut" Kenny started to drool on Craig's shoulder, but Craig pulled him away and started washing away the saliva.

"Who is 'this' friend of yours?" Stan asked

"His name is Clyde Donovan, he fucked me but he abuses me alot" Kevin answered

"Wait, isn't Clyde our member before Craig and Lucas joined?" Stan asked, as Kenny shrugged

"So this happened to the two of you?" Craig asked, as Lucas started to examine the victim/prostitute.

"Yep, we'll tell you guys later" Kenny sighed, Lucas picked up Kevin as they came back to their van

"So this ends my story? Am I done, Ms.?" Cartman asked

"Of course, Eric. You can go back to your seat," Eric grabbed his box and put it back in his head. "Next is Stanley Marsh" She announced.