Someone to love

13. I'll take a Consunji

I woke up feeling a bit cold. I was trying to pull in my blanket but when I noticed that I was inside a four walled white room, ay bumangon ako. I saw Hermes and Ares sleeping on the couch. Both were trying to fit themselves on that single couch. It was a bit awkward because the two men were tall and big – hindi sila kasya sa couch. I looked at myself – nakita kong suot ko ang putting hospital gown at may swero ako sa kaliwang kamay. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari sa akin. Bakit ako nasa hospital? The last time I remember was the orphanage. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari pagkatapos noon. Paano ako napunta dito? At paano ako nakita ni Ares at Hermes? Tinawagan ko ba sila?

Hindi ako makatiis. I need to know what happened to me.

“Hey!” I hissed at the two. Hindi sila gumagalaw. “Hey, stupids!” I cried again. Nang hindi sila gumalaw ay kinuha ko ang bottled water sa gilid ko at ipinukol iyon sa kanilang dalaw. Tinamaan si Hermes sa mukha. Agad siyang tumayo at nagpalinga-linga. I found his reaction funny.

“What? What?” He said. He was a bit disoriented. Tumingin siya sa direksyon ko. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at saka humalukipkip. “God! You’re awake!” Hinaplos niya ang parte ng mukha niyang tinmaan ng boteng hawak ko. Napapangisi ako. Sinipa naman niya sa tyan si Ares kaya nagising na din ang bunso namin.

Pupungas-pungas pa siya. “What? Bathseeba!” He even yawned. Natawa ako.. Napuno ng halakhak ko ang buong silid, Noon ko napansin na nakatingin na sa akin si Ares. Bigla siyang tumyo at saka niyakap ako ng mahigpit – napakahigpit. Hindi ako makahinga. Nakita ko si Hermes na tinatapik ang balikat ni Ares. I could feel his tears rolling down on my shoulders.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again, Hera. Wala na si Mama. We have to stick together.” Pabulong na wika niya. Ayaw ko man ay napaluha na rin ako. The last time I cried like this was when Mama died. Niyakap ko si Ares nang napakahigpit rin tapos ay hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Hermes. I realized that ‘m not really alone – I have these two to protect me and take care of me. And in return – I have to be strong para sa kanilang dalawa – para na rink ay Papa.

“You should’ve called us.” Sabi pa ni Hermes. “We knew what happened on that day Hera. Hindi ka mag-isa.”

“I just missed it.” Wika ko pa. Naramdaman ko na naman ang kahugkangan sa loob ko. “How can you miss something you didn’t see, or feel or be able to touch?” Tanong ko. Maybe because it was once a part of me. HJuminga ako nang napakalalim.  “But I’m okay now.” Sabi ko. “It’s just one day every year. Next time, I’ll spend it with you, two.” Ngumiti ako. Kumalas na si Ares sa akin. Nakahinga naman ako nang maluwag. Umupo siya sa tabi ko. Si Hermes ay nasa harapan naming. Hawak ni Ares ang kamay ko. He was still tearing up. Biniro ko na lang siya.

“Marrigae sofetend you up, lilltle borther…” Natatawang wika ko. He just shook his head. NAsa ganoong posisyon kami nang bumukas ang pinto at iniluwa niyon si Aunt Laide. She was looking as beautiful as ever. Parang hindi siya tumatanda. Ngayon na wala na si Mama, she’s the closest thing I have as a mother – maliban kay Tita Lexy, siya talaga ang makakasama ko. She was holding a fruit basket. Inilagay niya iyon s a bedside. Humalik si Hermes kay Auntie, ganoon din naman si Ares. Tumayo si Ares para si Auntie ang makaupo sa tabi ko. Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko.

“Kamusta? Sabi ng doctor, na-dehydrate ka kaya dinala ka naming dito. Kamusta ang pakiramdam mo?” Sunod-sunod na tanong niya sa akin. Ngumiti lang ako kay Auntie at saka bumuntong hininga. Auntie knew what happened to me years ago. Sila ni Mama ang karamay ko.

I had a baby. But I didn’t know I was pregnant before. I was too depressed to even notice. I didn’t know. Masyado akong malungkot noon. Bakit ako malungkot? It’s because Hyades Vejar left me. He promised me that he will give me everything and right at that moment when I needed him the most, hindi naman  siya dumating. Naiwan ako. Umalis siya. Nalungkot ako. Pinabayaan ko ang sarili ko. I didn’t want to live this life so I did everything to end mine. Dumating ako sa pinakadesperadong sandali ng buhay ko.