Someone to love

9. Underworld

"Have I lost myself yet again?"

I kept asking myself that while at the ceremony earlier. Para bang lumipas na lang ang bawat sandali nang hindi ko namamalayan. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. Ito ang pinaka-ayokong mangyari sa akin. It's as if I was losing myself - yet again and it was all because of Hades Vejar. I don't want to be that sixteen year old girl who felt giddy just because he's around. Hindi ko naman maitatanggi na masaya ako - masaya ako dahil nilalapitan niya ako but for me that is enough. We can never be like what we are almost a decade ago. I had lost my faith in him. Isang beses lang ako pwedeng masaktan - at nangyari na iyon kaya hindi ko na hahayaang maulit muli.

I sighed. Patapos naman na ang ceremony. May kaunting salu-salo lang. I stayed inside my tent for it was freakin' hot outside. I watched my family as they mingle with each other. I know that I had to be with them - but then I'm feeling like I want to be alone. Hindi naman ako dapat malungkot dahil sa mga nalaman ko kagabi nang dahil ako ni Hades Vejar sa bahay na iyon. In my head I'm always telling myself that he had lost his chance and I will never firgive him for letting that chance slip away. No matter how much I'm in love with him. Kung sabagay, natanong ko na din sa sarili ko kung mahal ko siya bakit hindi ako nasasaktan kapag nakikita ko siyang kasama ang fiance niyang si Mercury? I rolled my eyes at myself.

Over the years, marami akong nababalitaang naging babae ni Hades at wala akong nararamdaman - so that must mean something. Maybe I'm not in love with him like what I think. Hindi na siguro. I even caught him having sex with some girl inside his office and I didn't even felt a thing - maybe I'm just in love with the fact that I loved him.

Yes, maybe that's it. I stood up and finally joined the family. Bago ako makarating sa kinatatayuan nila ay nilapitan ako ng panganay ni Yto - si Hyacinth. I guess she's ten years old now. She smiled at me. I noticed that she was wearing a tiara. I have a tiara too - Mama gave that to me on my nineteenth birthday.

"Do I look like a princess, Aunt Hera?" She asked me. "When I grow up, I wanna be like you - a strong woman. Daddy always said that he admires you for being so strong and brave." Napatitig ako kay Hyacinth. Si Yto ba ang sinasabi niya? Kung si Yto iyon, malamang may sakit si Yto noong araw na sinasabi niya iyon. Natatawang hinaplos ko ang buhok ni Hyacinth.

"Tell your father that he's ugly and I hate him but Aunt Hera loves you."I kissed her cheeks and left her. Natutuwa talaga ako sa anak ni Yto..Hyacinth is cute. I hate kids especially Yza' lot but I like Hyacinth and I don't know why. I went straight to the family bago ako makalapit sa kanila ay hinarang na ako ni Hades. My heat stopped. By just looking at his eyes he was able to make my.world stop. Para akong lumulutang. Pakiramdam ko walang gravity ang mundong ginagalawan ko. I feel so weightless and its just his eyes. Fuck myself. Hindi ako dapat ganito. Hindi ko na dapat maramdaman ang mga ito.

"What do you want, Vejar?" I crossed my arms. He grinned.

"You. It had always been you." He said to me. "I could kiss you in front of your whole family, Hera. Make them see what I'm made of. Make them see how much I need you..."

Need. I sighed. He only need me. Well, I don't need him. Tinaasan ko na lang siya ng kilay.

"It's just a waste of time. Kissing you isn't really my favorite moment. Oh look! If it isn't your fiance, Jupiter." Ngumisi ako. "Maybe you should take her to your mansion and fuck her brains out." Inis na wika ko. Lumapit ang babae sa amin at hinalikan si Hades sa labi niya. The woman nipped his lower lip and I just stood there looking at them. Hindi talaga ako nakakaramdam ng kahit na ano. I was actually numb. I smiled at his girl when she looked at me.

"Hello, Hera." Nakangiting wika niya. I nodded. "Nice dress."

"Thank you, Mars. Excuse me." Tinalikuran ko sila at sumama sa mga kapatid ko. They were talking about Yto's newest project --- the Paris expansion. Hindi pa din ako pabor sa bagay na iyon. Pero hahayaan ko. Bahala si Yto. Nakakainis talaga siya.