her (Kim Namjoon x Reader)

Chapter 17 - Second

"When I was five, I had a pet goldfish that I loved. I named it Pok. Everyday after school, I would run home to stare at Pok for hours. My mom had warned me that if I overfeed him, he would die. I didn't listen. The idea didn't make sense to me. I love Pok and when I feed him, he's happy. So why wouldn't I want to feed him and seeing him happy? Then one day I came home, and he was floating upside down. I had convinced myself that he was simply asleep. I told myself that for the next three days. But deep down I knew he had passed away.

I cried for a week. But my father told me to man up, he said that everything has an expiration date. I knew he meant that for objects. I never knew he would feel that way towards a person, particularly my mother. They divorced when I was 8. I rarely saw my mom. After the divorce, he forbid her from seeing me. And since her family was poor, she was scared that he was threaten her parents, so she obliged. Following that was my father's constant remarriage to women who were 10 years his junior. I doubt he had loved any of them. I doubt he's capable of feeling love anymore, even for me. We weren't filthy rich, but we were welled off. At social gatherings, he would showed me off to his clients to gain some self respect. I was groomed to be perfect. I mastered piano when I was 7, I spoke fluent English while learning Korean vocabularies, I was even in church youth group. How obscene. I grown used to him using me for the sake of his image.

Maybe that's when my attachment issue started then. But when I was in junior high, I fell in love with this girl. She was about a year younger than me, but she was like the eye of the storm. I was pulled into her instantly. I think we started dating. At first she didn't ask for much. I gave her everything she wanted. Clothes, jewelry, I brought her to all the parties we held, she became friends with my friends. I was naive enough to believe that she had loved me. Then one day, I got into a fight with my father. He wanted me to take over his company while I wanted to pursue my music dreams. There were screaming and punches were thrown. I moved out the next day with the savings I had accumulated over the years. When my 'girlfriend' found out, I thought she would support me. Instead, I found her kissing the one of my friends, the one I had introduced to her at the parties. I didn't bother confronting her.

I had learned my lesson. No one would ever use me again. You would think it's ironic since I own a company that supports artists. Naturally, I would get used. But in a way, they need me more than I need them. And I only choose artists with the best intentions. I was fine with being their friends, but I told myself to never let my heart waiver again. Rapmon's an exception, I love him like I would love a sibling.

And that was when you came along. That day, I was walking Rapmon and was feeling extremely exhausted from work. I went to the convenient store and for some reason they didn't allow pets. I hesitated before tying his leash on the bike rack outside. And as you would have guess, when I came back out, he was missing. I dropped everything and ran around, looking for him. Then as I approached the corner, I heard people talking loudly and car horns beeping. I scanned the intersections and I think my heart stopped when I saw him so frightened in the streets with cars approaching him. I ran for him, but then I saw a figure had already dashed out. Your hair looked like fire in the sun, the way it flew behind you as you ran. I couldn't get that image out of my head for so long. I know I was rude the first time I met you, that's only because I thought you would recognize me and ask for any compensation. But I was surprised when you rejected my offer. Not anyone can resist my looks, ha ha. Sorry, sorry.

You left quite a strong impression on me. From the moment you called to all the times you were at me house. Even though I was rude to you, you were always respectful. BUt that could have been because I was in charge of your paycheck. But that one time that you yelled at me, I think I began to took interest in you then. I wondered how it is that a person, who has nothing, could work to get what they want. You might think I have helped you get this far, but it was all because of your hard work. Like with the jacket, I had received so many compliments from TV producers and fashion magazines. Even some senior stylists had told me they would never be able to do what you do. So give yourself some credit.

And today, when I saw you talking to Hoseok and you smiled at him, I guess I couldn't control myself. You should know that I'm really possessive, I want you to only smile for me. Though, Hoseok is one of my best friends. I would give the world to him. But I will not give you to him, never. I'm sure he'll understand.

Actually, it was your brother that made me realize my feelings for you. When he spoke of how you didn't want to depend on other people, it reminded me of myself a bit. I had denied myself the fact that I like you for a long time. I didn't want to believe that someone could be genuine towards me, without asking for much. If I had let myself believe it, I know I would fall head over heels for you and I would be devastated if you hurt me. You became my answer. I think I would really hate people if even you hurt me."

After your second kiss, Namjoon laid his head down on your lap. You tried to stop him from lying down on the ground because it would dirty his clothes. He dismissed you as he began reminiscing his childhood. The whole time you were trying to hold back your tears. The world was cruel to Kim Namjoon.

"I would never purposely do anything to hurt you, I promise." you said, your hand playing with his hair. His eyes were closed but you knew he was still awake.

"Don't make any promises just yet. I'm good with just having all of you right now." He grabbed your hand and kissed it, eyes still closed.

"I am yours." you told him.

"Good." he smiled. You took the chance to poke his dimple. They seemed like a contradictory to everything about him. His strong aura and intimidating eyes.

"But Namjoon," you began.

"What?"

"Is it okay if we don't tell anyone our relationship?"

He sat up to face you, his head tilted. "What relationship?" he asked in a serious tone. It gave you quite a shock as you tried to recover.

"Oh, uh, sorry. I-I didn't mean to assume anything." All you wanted to do was dig yourself a hole and die in it. But then you heard his laugh, it was a soothing sound.

"I'm kidding pabo. But why not? I want to show you off." he said as he put his arm around your shoulder and pulled you to his chest.

"Well, I just know the guys will tease me and I don't want you staff to think negatively of you, or say that I'm using you."

"I really could care less what they think of me, but fine, as you wish baby doll." That nickname made you flustered and you seemed to froze. He smirked as he pulled your head up to kiss him. But it was interrupted by a car horn. The two of you looked around, there was no track for a car so it would be impossible for one to be up here.

"Namjoon! Y/N! Up here!" you snapped your head to the source up the voice. It came from above the hill. You sigh out of relief as Seokjin's figure emerged from behind the trees above the hills. "I'm so glad I found you." he said when he was a few feet away from us. "We got to the resort but didn't see you guys and we got so worried. So the resort sent out a car to look for you guys. Honestly, we should have just called the car in when we were at the bottom." he laughed. Namjoon on the other hand seemed unamused. He grabbed Seokjin's collar lightly and the elder widened his eyes.

"So you're telling me there was a car that we could have taken to the top instead of hiking and getting lost?" Namjoon growled, his eyes narrowing on the man in front of him.

"Um, yes?" Seokjin answered in a quiet voice.

"Y/N hurt her ankle and if she doesn't get better, I will never forgive you." Namjoon warned before letting Seokjin go. The man looked like he's about to pee his pants.

"Aish, don't be too dramatic. I'll be fine." you said. Namjoon ignored you and pick you up bridal style to the car that's waiting on top. Seokjin watched you both curiously and smiled.