little do you know ⍟ camila cabello

i've given all my love to you

When Y/N finally realized that she was in love with Camila, the first word out of her mouth was, "Motherfucker!"

"Damn right she's a motherf- wait, who are we talking about?" Of course, the problem was that she wasn't on her own when it happened. She had been lying on the grass next to Lauren, totally absorbed in conversation until Camila walked by.

Actually, no. She didn't even walk by. She was walking across the quad, and Y/N only saw her at a distance and she still managed to throw off Y/N's train of thought. Y/N Y/L/N was not the type of girl who got so distracted by another girl that she couldn't finish her sentences, so how was it that Camila consistently managed to do this to her? When had she become this girl?

All it took was for her to catch a glimpse of Camila, and suddenly nothing seemed more interesting than the Latina- which was ridiculous, because they'd been dating for a year, so what could Y/N possibly notice in Camila's walk or her facial expressions that she hadn't seen before?

Just now Camila had been walking to class with Dinah and Ally, talking about something that she was clearly excited about; she was miming something and laughing at a comment Dinah made, and suddenly Y/N's brain turned on her. She had grinned and rolled her eyes, but unlike the usual "What a dork" or "Such a weirdo", the first thought that sprang to mind was "God, I love her."

Y/N was, to put it mildly, horrified.

It wasn't the prospect of being in love with Camila that horrified her, though. She'd kind of known for a while; she was just trying to avoid thinking about it. But now? Now that she was just thinking it like it was some foregone conclusion? She had no choice but to tell her. Because what if she didn't, and she accidentally let it slip in her sleep? Or while kissing her? Or in the middle of the class they had together on Wednesday afternoons?

No, she couldn't risk it happening like that. She had to do it on her own terms.

Y/N had been so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed Lauren staring at her a little worriedly until just before she jumped up to leave. "I'm sorry, Lauren, I just remembered that I have to be- you know, uh, somewhere. I'll see you back in the dorm, okay?"

Lauren arched an eyebrow, but then shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, see you. I'll just stay here under the tree and work on my tan."

Y/N only half-acknowledged the joke before practically sprinting to her dorm room, where she plunked down in a chair for about thirty seconds before getting up again and beginning to pace.

This was not fucking good.

Well, not the 'being in love with Camila part. That part was, you know, amazing. It was the 'telling Camila that she loved her' part that was making her pace.

She knew that a lot of people thought that she didn't appreciate Camila enough. But the fact was that Y/N knew a great thing when she had it, and that's why she was freaking out. This was supposed to be a huge step for a couple. What if she didn't say it right? What if she said it at the wrong time? What if she couldn't bring herself to say it at all? Most importantly, the question that hung unspoken between all the others: what if she messed up and lost him because of it?

"Holy shit, this is so pathetic," Y/N groaned.

Two years ago, she would literally never have had this problem. She had always said that love was sort of a sham. Telling people you loved them was making a promise that you'd never leave, but people left anyway, didn't they? Y/N had always known that she had plans to leave, so proclamations of love had never really felt like the honest thing to say.

But this time, she couldn't see it as untrue. For once, she was actually happy where she was. She had no desire to leave. That lifelong yearning that she'd felt to get away from home and just run until she was as far away as possible? That wasn't around anymore. She was finally starting to wrap her head around the idea- she just had to work through it piece by piece.